Fighting Our Way Through the Darkness: Living Proof
by DocMcRegals
Summary: The final installment of the FOW series; Life is filled with ups and downs for the doctors of SGMW, the Montgomery-Shepherd's particular, in the months following the shooting. Rating will change from T to M due to heavy subject matter. MerDer with eventual Addek endgame
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone and welcome to the final installment of the Fighting Our Way series. I'm so glad that you've been enjoying things so far. The entire Fighting Our Way series is currently being uploaded to AO3 if you want to read it in its entirety. As we go into the final installment, I have to warn you that this chapter starts with a death and, it's a sad one. I'm putting a trigger warning here for heavy subject matter surrounding death and mentions of drug use.**

 **Grab tissues if you need too,**

 **Xx**

* * *

Seattle, Five-and-a-half-months later

There aren't too many days where there's a cloudless sky in Seattle, but today just happens to be one of them. There's not a single cloud in the sky; in fact the sun is out. The sun is out and there's a warm spring breeze in the air. The scenery is so beautiful you wouldn't imagine people being sad. The sky is a clear blue with zero clouds in sight, the grass is freshly cut and the breeze floating around them carries with it a sweet smell. There are butterflies in the air, birds are chirping; from a distance, you can even hear children laughing. Today is a perfect day…yeah, right.

"Dear Lord, we ask that you would take into your arms, the body of our beloved Emily Caroline Shepherd. We ask that you would give her family comfort during this difficult time…Amen," The priest stood in his long black robe, the tiny white casket in front of him. It's hard to imagine burying babies, but it happens. Derek sat numbly next to Meredith, whose eyes were focused on the casket that housed her daughter's small and lifeless body. Carson and Ryan sat next to them, doing their best to be strong for their father and stepmother. Cristina sat on the other side of Meredith, unsure of what to do because she didn't do emotions or religion, or any of this, but understood that Meredith needed her to be there. Everyone else stood around the gravesite quietly as the priest recited the Lord's Prayer before dismissing everyone from the gravesite.

Addison stood to the back of the crowd next to Mark as she watched everyone slowly give her children their condolences at the death of their baby sister. She still couldn't believe it had happened; and she had been the one to call it…

2 Weeks Ago…

 _Meredith Grey is frantic as she rushes into the ER with six month old Emily. Addison looks up from her charts when she hears Meredith shouting for help and immediately rushes to her side._

" _Meredith, what's going on with her?" Addison has called for several nurses as well as Alex Karev, who happened to be on her service._

" _Karev, intubate her, now!" Addison watched as her residents hands shook before she shoved him aside._

" _You can't afford to get scared, not now, move!" She successfully intubated Emily, getting her pressure stable before turning her attention to Meredith._

" _What happened?"_

" _She was fine, she had a cold and I did everything you're supposed to do but, she stopped eating, she's been really cold and clammy, she's been super upset lately and-"_

" _Meredith, slow down, breathe," Addison places her hands on Meredith's shoulders to help her calm down._

" _I-I know I probably sound like a crazy person right now and-"_

" _No, you sound like a worried mom," Addison gives her a reassuring smile._

" _Thanks, Addison,"_

" _No problem; I'm thinking that Emily's cold has turned into a pretty serious case of RSV," Meredith's eyes widen at Addison's suspected diagnosis._

" _But, how-"_

" _There's no how; sometimes, it just happens…we're gonna admit her and get her back to being her normal, happy self in no time, I promise,"_

oOo

So much for keeping promises, Addison thought to herself as she felt Mark's hand on her shoulder.

"How ya holding up Red?" He knows how she feels, was with her the night Emily died. He held her in his arms after she'd called time of death and after Derek lashed out at her so violently.

"I…let's go, Mark; I don't want Derek to know that I was here," she'd purposefully shown up to the funeral late, sat in the back and made sure not to draw any attention to herself.

"Addison, you can't hide from him forever; you have two kids together," Mark sighed as he walked back to her car with her.

"You don't get it Mark, Derek trusted me to save his child and I failed!" Addison runs a hand through her hair and sighs.

"You did everything you could Addie," Mark murmurs as he wraps his arms around her, though he quickly pulls himself from his embrace when he notices Lexie Grey staring at him.

"Go, she needs you, I'll see you around?"

"I'll call you," Mark tells her as she climbs into her car, though she quickly gets out of it when she notices Derek punching Mark in the face.

Shit.

She pauses, deciding on whether or not she should try and break it up. She decides not to and climbs back into her car and leaves; her eyes meet Meredith's as she drives away.

oOo

Carson is desperate to get away from her family; her anxiety is clawing at her throat as she tries to make small talk with her aunts, grandmother and cousins, but she just really wants to get away from everyone. She wishes that she could call her mother to come and pick her up, but after the way her father attacked Uncle Mark for hugging her mom at the funeral, she knows that she would be feeding her mom to the wolves if she called her to come and pick her up. She doesn't know how to do death, and this death is even more difficult because Emily was just a baby. She has a million emotions running through her head. Confusion, grief, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, fear, shame; god she needs a Xanax bar right about now.

"Hey, you okay?" Aunt Amelia wraps an arm around her shoulders and smiles.

"Just wish I could get out of here, social situations, especially ones like this make me anxious," Carson mutters.

"Tell me about it; I wish your mom was here," Amelia confesses.

"Yeah, me too, but calling her right now would be just…this isn't her fault," Carson lets out a frustrated breath.

"I know, that, you know that, everyone knows that what happened to Emily wasn't Addison's fault,"

"Yeah, everybody but Grandma Carolyn and dad," Carson mutters, running a hand through her hair.

"I'm glad you dyed it back Red, you look better as a redhead," Amelia tells her.

"Mom told you I dyed my hair?" Carson groans.

"She was worried about you, she still is…we all are,"

"Aunt Amy, not you too,"

"I get what it's like Carson; I've been there. I was 5 when your grandfather got shot, right in front of me," Carson sighs as she recalls the story she's heard since she was big enough to remember.

"I know the story Aunt Amy,"

"It's one thing to hear it from Derek or your mom, but its different to hear it from another perspective. I struggled, for years I struggled with why it happened, I blamed myself, I couldn't eat or sleep…social situations made me anxious," Amelia is giving her a knowing look as she parrots Carson's words from earlier.

"Sometimes I just…"

"Need some drugs to take the edge off?" Amelia smirks knowingly at her niece's guilty expression.

"I…"

"How long and what are you taking?"

"It's just some Xanax bars Aunt Amy I promise! Please don't tell my parents!" Carson's pleading eyes remind Amelia of a younger version of herself when she'd went off the wagon and made Addison promise not to tell anyone.

"How long have you been taking Xanax?"

"Um, maybe a year?" Amelia sighs heavily.

"And your mom and dad have no idea?"

"I think mom suspects something is going on, because I got arrested on Thanksgiving and-"

"So that's why she ran off so fast!" Amelia says to herself.

"Yeah, I was with some friends and we were high and-"

"High on what?"

"I swear I've only taken Xanax and smoked weed," She stares long and hard at Carson, knowing that she should tell Addison, but she also knows that Addison will tell Derek and the last thing he needs right know is to know his daughter's been doing drugs for the better part of a year because of his shooting.

Fuck this is bad.

"Listen, the only reason I'm not busting your ass and telling your parents is because they've both been through too much shit this year. But I swear to God Carson Danielle Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, if this gets any worse than what it is-"

"I swear it won't, because I'm almost out of pills and-"

"Breathe; if you decide to stop using its gonna be hard as hell because your body's gotten so dependent on it. You're about to go on Spring Break, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Good, because you can go to rehab and-"

"Whoa, Aunt Amy; I never said I was gonna stop taking Xanax," Carson says as Amelia sighs heavily.

"Carson, if you keep taking those drugs then-"

"I'm not you, Aunt Amy; this is exactly I didn't tell my parents, because whenever somebody talks about drugs they bring you up. I'm not gonna turn out like you,"

"Wow, I knew you had some Montgomery in you, but I'd hoped that because Addison is less of Montgomery that you'd be spared; I guess not," Amelia looks hurt and instantly, Carson regrets her words as she watches her aunt walk away.

"Shit," She sighs before pulling out her cell and texting Michael, letting him know that she was almost out of pills.

oOoOo

 _Derek is frantic, though considerably more calm than Meredith was as he makes his way up to PEDS._

" _Addison…" Mark is hot on his heels, both of them rushing to get to baby Emily._

" _She's fine so far; the cold she had has turned into RSV and, it looks pretty serious," Addison hates the look of fear she sees in Derek's eyes._

" _But you can fix her, right? You can make sure Em's okay, right Red?"_

" _I've got my team doing everything they can to get her fever down and to keep her hydrated," Addison tells them; she's trying to distance herself from this case, trying hard not to get overly involved. She's talking to Derek and Mark like she would any other patient. Today, they're not her ex husband and her best friend slash ex lover, today, they're a scared father and godfather._

" _She's being distant," And there goes all hopes of not connecting to this case._

" _Derek, I'm not-"_

" _You're handling me; I don't need to be handled, Addison. I need you to make sure that my daughter is okay," He's instantly frustrated, which brings out Addison's ire as well._

" _And I'm doing that Derek; I've been working in PEDS for over 20 years plus I've dealt with RSV in both my children. I know what I'm doing and yes, I am handling you because I really shouldn't be overseeing this case but since you and Meredith requested me then yes, I am going to handle you so that I don't freak out over the fact that my patient is my ex husband's newborn daughter with his mistress turned post-it wife," Mark has the common sense to step between them, knowing that things could get ugly and fast._

" _Shep, you know Addison's the best, and if she said she's doing everything she could to make sure Em gets better, then trust her," Derek and Addison remain in a staring contest for a few more moments before Derek sighs heavily._

" _Fine, but if something happens to my daughter…I will never forgive you Addison,"_

oOoOo

"Wow, you should really get that looked at," Nancy pulls up a seat next to Mark outside on Meredith's front porch.

"I'm surprised you came," Mark is nursing a glass of scotch as well as the pretty nasty shiner he got from Derek at the cemetery.

"Derek's my baby brother, and while I do not acknowledge Meredith as my sister-in-law, Emily was my niece and I can put aside my feelings about Meredith to be kind. Nobody should have to go through what she's going through," Nancy takes a swig of her own beer as she and Mark fall into a comfortable silence.

"She's miserable ya know, Addison I mean,"

"Oh I know; I saw her as soon as I got here. Derek's being an ass,"

"Agreed; he punched me because I hugged Addison,"

"He tried to bar her from coming to the funeral. I don't know what the hell his problem is," Nancy shakes her head before reaching into her purse for a cigarette.

"Don't look at me like that Mark, I only do it occasionally when I'm stressed," Nancy takes a drag of her cig and closes her eyes.

"If Mrs. Shepherd ever-"

"Whoa, since when did mom become Mrs. Shepherd?" Nancy shifts in her seat to get a good look at the boy she's known as her other little brother for most of her life.

"I mean, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at any of you the same, not after what happened between Addison and I,"

"Mark, that was almost 6 years ago, we're over it, Derek's over it, Addie's over it."

"I don't think Derek will ever get over it,"

"Derek has a lot of things he'll never be able to get over, but that's life. Some people can let go of the past, others can't,"

"Is that why you're still holding a grudge against Meredith?"

"I'm not…look, it's not that I hate Meredith I just, I hate what Derek did to Addie. If he had just, come home every now and fucking then, and if he had tried, really tried to work on their marriage when she moved to Seattle then-"

"Nance, what's really going on?"

"Mitch cheated, well, I cheated first and then Mitch cheated," Nancy confesses as Mark's eyes widen.

"Wow,"

"Yeah," Nancy sighs as she rests her head against Mark's shoulder.

"Does mom know?"

"Yeah, she knows; she's not happy with either of us. Says we should work it out but…we haven't been happy in years. Casey, Charlotte, Jessa, and Noah are all young adults and Ethan doesn't really care what we do as long as we promise to stop bickering…"

"You guys thinking about divorce?"

"We're already separated; try not to mention it to Derek, will ya?"

"That's if he'll even speak to me again," Mark sighs as he takes another sip of his scotch.

"He will; he's just hurting, and losing Emily while Addison was her doctor, I guessed it opened some old wounds for him," Nancy shrugs, taking another pull of her cig

"He hasn't asked how Meredith is, he hasn't checked on Carson and Ryan. Hell, Lexie and Carson had to help Meredith plan the service. He's been living out in his trailer since Addison called time of death,"

oOo

 _She's been working nonstop to try and will little Emily Shepherd back into good health but she's only getting worse. It's hard to do her job, especially with Derek breathing down her neck, not to mention keeping Carson and Ryan updated about their baby sister, plus, she's trying to keep Meredith calm while trying not to go insane herself. Emily's immune system is low, something she finds herself getting frustrated with her pediatrician about. She's been in constant contact with Cooper and Pete on things she can try since Emily's so small but still she's coming up short. Emily is just shy of being on a ventilator but it looking to be her only option at this point, which she knows Derek will be adamantly against. She knows he'll bitch about it but, it's the last resort._

" _No, absolutely not," and just like she predicted, Derek is 100 percent against putting Emily on a vent._

" _Derek…"_

" _No, she's young and the longer she's on the vent the greater chance her organs have of deteriorating," Addison runs a hand through her hair as she sits with Meredith and Derek, as well as Cristina, Mark and Lexie in the PEDS waiting room. Carson and Ryan are in Addison's office; the adults agreed that this wasn't a conversation they needed to be a part of._

" _I know you don't like it Derek but, Emily's lungs are far too weak for her to keep using an oxygen mask," Maybe he'll take it better if it hears it from Arizona Addison hopes._

" _Mere…" Addison has to turn away because she hates seeing Derek like that, so desperate as he looks over at Meredith, who is looking at her._

" _She's eventually gonna die, isn't she?" Meredith is wearing a calm and serene look on her face, though her eyes are full of sorrow and fear. She's trying to be strong, trying to be the one who holds it together._

" _I…"_

" _Just be straight with me for once Addison, because I know you've been going above and beyond to keep Emily alive for the last four days. I know because she's coded almost every single day. Is my daughter going to die?" Addison sighs heavily, closes her eyes in order to keep the tears from falling. In this moment, she has so much respect for Meredith; she doesn't know if she'd be able to keep it together if the roles were reversed. Both Carson and Ryan got RSV as babies, but they'd both fared better than their baby sister was currently doing._

" _She's not progressing and we've done everything we know humanly possible to do; her RSV is far too severe and her immune system is too weak to fight it off," Arizona decides to step in and deliver the bad news, though Derek's eyes are still trained on Addison._

" _I need to hear her say it," Derek's hand is pointed at Addison; he knows, he knows that this is going to end badly but he only wants the news from her._

" _Derek…"_

" _Say it,"_

" _Der, stop,"_

" _Say it,"_

" _Derek-"_

" _Say it goddammit! I want you to tell me that my daughter is going to die because you were too stupid and too incompetent to-"_

" _Derek, that's enough," Mark has stood, has a gentle hand his shoulder, though Derek shoves it away and proceeds to move into Addison's personal space._

" _I've seen you fight for patients before, I've seen you fight until you had to be forced to stop and you're just giving up on her like that? I remember how you willed that baby up in the NICU to fight, you remember, the one who'd been born prematurely and left to be strung out on drugs. You made me fight for her, even when everything around me said I shouldn't. You made me fight and you can't even fight for my daughter…you're pathetic,"_

" _Derek, stop it," Meredith has moved to stand beside him as he inches closer to Addison's face._

" _Fight for her, Addison," Derek is still talking to her, forcing her to look at Emily, who looks completely miserable in her incubator._

" _Derek, stop!" Meredith is trying to pull him away but he won't listen._

" _Look at her, what if she were Carson or Ryan?"_

" _Derek I have been fighting; there's nothing-"_

" _No,"_

" _Derek, look at her! She's so frail and so small; she's miserable Derek. I can keep fighting, I can put her on a vent but Derek…she doesn't have any more fight left to give," She's staring him in his eyes, hating the pain he's in but she knows her patient; little Emily has reached the end._

 _Derek pulls away before staring at Meredith who nods in agreement with Addison._

" _It's time to let her go, Derek,"_

 _The hardest thing she's ever had to do, besides tell Derek that his daughter was dying, was relay the same message to her children. Neither of them took the news well; luckily, Mark was there with her to make things hurt less._

" _But, you did everything you could, right mom? You exhausted every avenue you could, right?" Carson is openly crying; she and Meredith had come to some sort of understanding since just before she gave birth. She adored her little sister, constantly snapping selfies of the two of them and Ryan and sharing them on her social media accounts._

" _You know your mom did everything she-"_

" _No, I need to hear her say it; mom, you did everything you could, right?"_

" _Carson of course I did; Emily's immune system is too weak to keep fighting and by the time Meredith brought her in, her RSV had advanced," Carson lets out a harsh breath before resting her head between her knees, rocking back and forth for a few moments before she stood._

" _I need some air," she quickly grabs her purse and heads out of her mom's office._

" _Carson-"_

" _Let her go, Red; she needs time," Mark tells her as she leans forward, resting her head in her lap._

" _I did everything I could Mark, I swear I did but-"_

" _I know you did Red; give him time, he's hurting. Em's only a baby and-"_

" _Yeah, I know; we almost lost Carson and Ryan the same way,"_

14 Years Ago

 _ **She's never been more scared in her life, seeing her three year old daughter in a hospital bed. She's got RSV and its making Addison nervous. Of course her doctors told her that it wasn't that serious, but she's not getting better. Addison has tears in her eyes as she watches her babygirl cry and reach out for her. She can't pick her up because of all of the tubes and wires restricting her. Addison walks towards the tiny bed and runs a hand along Carson's face. Her hair is sticking to her head, her cheeks are red from fever and crying and those chubby little hands are reaching up for her.**_

 _ **She's scared.**_

" _ **She misses you," Derek has wrapped his arm around her waist, his chin pressing into her shoulder.**_

" _ **I know; I can't wait until she gets out of here," Addison sighs, allowing Carson to grasp her finger.**_

" _ **She's strong Addie, she'll get over this and we'll have her at home, running around the house," Derek grins, giving Addison a playful shove.**_

" _ **She's a fighter, just like her mother,"**_

" _ **No, she's resilient, like her father," Derek presses a kiss to Addison's head.**_

" _ **Hey honey, you have to get better or else you'll drive your mother crazy," Addison manages to chuckle through her tears, and for the first time in days, Carson smiles back at them.**_

 _ **She gets out of the hospital two days later.**_

oOoOo

 _Emily's journey comes to an end on a Sunny Tuesday afternoon. Addison finds it ironic that on the day that an infant is going to die, that the weather is beautiful. Perhaps God or the Universe felt that it would be fitting for the weather to be beautiful to symbolize a beautiful life cut far too short. She can almost feel the looks of nurses and other doctors as she makes her way down the hall. Of course, she feels like they're judging her; and some of them probably are. How ironic is it that the child of her ex-husband and his mistress dies on her watch?_

 _She's not stupid, she's heard a few of them saying that she perhaps did something to make Emily's condition get worse. Of course Mark, Callie, Bailey, and Richard have tried to shield her from such idiotic talk, but still it gets to her. Arizona has volunteered to 'take care of everything for her' but no, this is her cross to bear and bear it she will. She tried to talk Carson out of coming today but she insisted that she be here. Ryan was not allowed, but he'd been able to spend some time with his baby sister earlier this morning. He's currently in her office with April Kepner, who's trying very hard to distract him but he knows what today is._

 _By the time she makes it to the room, Meredith is there, Cristina right beside her as they both stare into Emily's hospital crib. Mark is there, standing beside Derek and Carson, who are nowhere near close to Emily's bed. Bailey and Richard are there as well but are standing close t the door; Mark gives her a sympathetic smile as she avoids Derek's stare._

" _Please Addie, please fight harder," He's touching her, pleading with her not to do this._

" _Derek, I'm sorry…"_

" _You asked me, you asked me to do the impossible with Archer. You asked me to be God and save your brother and I did. So I'm asking you, please be a God today and save my daughter Addison," Addison is torn; she glances back at Meredith who seems to have made her peace with everything._

 _Then she looks at Derek, Derek whom she loved for over 15 years, knows better than anyone else. But Meredith is shaking her head; she knows that her daughter is ready to go._

" _Derek, I'm sorry but there's nothing else I can do for Emily," Carson's eyes water before she buries her face in Mark's shirt._

" _Addison, please,"_

" _Derek…I've done everything I can do for her; whatever happens next is up to Emily," She tries to give his hand a squeeze but he pulls back like he's been burned; it stings._

" _Addison, I can-"_

" _No, Arizona; Emily's my patient, I can handle it…Karev I know how close you are to Meredith so-"_

" _I'm staying, Montgomery; Mere's my friend but this is my job and I need to be able to handle any kind of situation I get put it, that's what you keep telling me right?" Alex is doing his best to remain stoic but she can tell that this case is eating at him._

" _You're right; are we ready?" Alex and Arizona both nod as the three of them make their way toward Emily's hospital crib._

 _oOo_

 _Addison takes sharp intake of breath; Emily reminds her so much of Carson in this moment. She looks so miserable, like she's tired of fighting and for a split second when their eyes meet, it punches her in the gut of how painful this is going to be._

" _I don't want her to suffer," Addison has to swim through the haze of thoughts to hear what Meredith is saying._

" _What?"_

" _I don't want her to suffer; when you remove the breathing tubes, don't resuscitate, don't do anything. I want her to go in peace,"_

" _Meredith…"_

" _Addison, please," She hears the crack in Meredith's voice when she says her name and it gets to her._

" _Okay, okay…" For a second, no one in the room moves, because no matter who does it, this will not end well. This will not end well at all; Addison starts to move but Alex is faster, walks Meredith through the entire process._

" _I'm gonna turn off her machine and remove the tube from her nose," Meredith looks up at Alex with tearful eyes and nods, watching Alex turn off the machines and remove the oxygen mask._

" _Can I, can I hold her?" Meredith keeps her eyes on Addison who mutely nods before stepping forward to take Emily into her arms. She's unsure of how she's able to pick her up and her arms not shake. She hasn't bothered to look at Derek or Carson, can't stand to see the disappointment in their eyes._

" _Derek…"_

" _Don't Addison,"_

" _Derek, you should, you should be with her," She watches as Meredith cradles Emily in her arms as Cristina acts as her rock._

 _She can hear Mark behind her, trying to convince Derek that he should spend whatever time he has left with Emily. She doesn't miss the way Carson's arms wrap around her waist or the tears that hit the back of her neck. She immediately turns and holds her daughter close. This is the last thing she needs right now after all that she's been through. She closes her eyes, doing her best to hold back her own tears as she soothes her daughter's pain. Carson pulls away after a few moments and moves to join Meredith and Cristina. It takes a few minutes of convincing but Derek eventually makes his way towards Meredith and Emily, but not before stepping into Addison's personal space, telling her,_

" _I will never forgive you for this,"_

" _Derek…"_

" _No, you could've done more but you didn't try; I asked you to be God and you couldn't…I never wanna see your face again; if its not pertaining to Carson or Ryan, I want you out of my sight. I should've divorced you as soon as you came to Seattle. You're nothing to me Addison, absolutely nothing," he was fuming and rightfully so; he was about to lose his child._

" _Derek, that's enough," Mark places a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder, steering him away from Addison._

" _Addie, if you need a minute-" Richard's hand is on her shoulder; she's shaking_

" _Yeah, I need a minute," She doesn't bother to look back before leaving the room for a few moments to catch her breath._

 _oOo_

 _She slides down against the wall, not caring if anyone saw her cry. She needed a moment dammit; she doesn't know how much time has passed until she feels Cristina's hand on her shoulder._

" _She's gone," She sees the pain in Yang's eyes as she stands, gently placing a hand on her shoulder._

" _I'm sorry, for your loss; you were her godmother, right?" Cristina nods solemnly as she and Addison walk back into the room._

 _She does her best to remain stoic but its hard to, especially when the sadness in the room is so thick that its hard to breathe. There's not a dry eye in the room, so Addison has to be strong; being strong is what Montgomery's do. She's hesitant to intrude on Meredith's final moments with her child but she knows what has to be done. She regrets bursting Meredith's bubble but she has to make sure that Emily's gone. Derek's eyes are like burning lasers as she carefully listens for a heartbeat and a pulse; there is none. She glances back at the clock, the time and date forever etched into her memory; April 19, 2011._

" _Time of death, 14:27,"_

oOoOo

She's sitting in her living room that night nursing a glass of wine when the doorbell rings. Clash, the Labrador-Great Dane Carson and Ryan had convinced her to get from the shelter is barking up a storm as she pads her way down the hall to the front door. She's shocked to find Derek's sisters and his mother on her doorstep along with their husbands and children. Of course the children are more than happy to see her, showering her with hugs. She's completely confused as to why all of the Shepherds are there until she sees her daughter standing behind all of them.

"What did you do?" She's standing there as Carson stands at the threshold of the door, scuffing the toe of her shoe.

"I didn't do anything, honest," Carson is wearing the same guilty look she had when she was 13 and had damaged one of Addison's purses after taking it without permission.

"Carson…"

"Okay so, maybe I overheard grandma talking bad about you and, I snapped," Addison sighs heavily as she lets her daughter in, pulling her into a hug.

"You shouldn't stick your nose in places it doesn't belong,"

"I just wanted to protect you, somebody had to,"

"I'm the mom; I protect you, not the other way around, got it?"

Carson smiles up at her mother before leading her into the living room where all of the Shepherds are. She still can't believe she's looking at all 14 of Derek's nieces and nephews. She's even more surprised that they still call her 'Aunt Addie'. She's used to Derek's sisters still treating her kind, but she hasn't seen their kids since just before the divorce and was unsure of how they'd react to seeing her after so long.

"Aunt Addie we've missed you," Shep, Nancy's baby boy (and only son) is 14 now and is the first to give her a hug.

"Wow! Shep I barely recognized you! You've gotten so big!" Addison gives him a hug, making him blush about the fact that he's almost as tall as she is.

"It's been a long time, Addie," Kathleen is wrapping her into a hug; they've been in contact since the shooting, but it's been even longer since she's seen her in person.

"You too Kath,"

"You should come to Boston to visit," Nancy gives her a grin and a hug; Nancy came to visit her almost as soon as she got into town. She's always been one of her favorite Shepherd sisters.

"Wow, Derek had this place built for you? Impressive," Amelia nods as her eyes glance over everything. Amelia is the only Shepherd she's kept in touch with over the years; Carolyn has always been bitter about how quickly Amelia took to Addison.

"I had no idea he was building this place," Addison wraps an arm around Amelia who smiles at her.

"With Derek being an asshole you could-"

"Amelia, your brother's grieving," Carolyn's voice is sharp, causing the other women to turn and look at her.

"Mom, Derek is hurting, but he had no right to treat Addie how he's been treating her, or Mark for that matter," Nancy has always been the one to put Carolyn in her place when it came to Derek.

"Did you really do everything you could Addie?" Carolyn carefully approaches her, taking Addison's hands into her own. There's something in her eyes Addison's never seen before; understanding.

"I really did; Emily had a really bad case of RSV and by the time Meredith brought her into the ER, it had developed into pneumonia and her immune system was weak. Carolyn, if I could've spared Derek the pain of losing a child, I would've," It takes everything inside of Addison not to cry, because this case, Emily's case, has been perhaps the most emotional case she's dealt with in her entire career.

Carolyn stares at her for a few moments, sighing heavily as she shakes her head.

"I know Derek's not a perfect man but…why Addie? Why would you sleep with Mark of all people, his best friend!?" Derek's sister's immediately glance over at their children, luckily Amelia ushers them off into the living room, though she's not met without complaints.

"Why don't we find some place that's not so…busy, to talk about this," Addison can tell that Carolyn has wanted to ask her that question since the minute Derek called her and told her what happened.

oOoOo

Meredith stands in the middle of her living room feeling numb. Everyone's gone home and it's just her, Lexie, Cristina, and Alex. Mark came to the wake later and avoided being inside at all costs. Derek's family left for Addison's after Carson's blow up at her grandmother. Derek's been sitting outside in the backyard nursing a beer for the last two hours. She doesn't know how she feels, right now it's just…numb.

"Mere, are you okay?" Lexie has been ultra supportive during this time, even getting their father Thatcher and their sister Molly to show up.

"What kind of question is that? Her baby died and Derek's being an asshole, how do you think she's doing?" Alex snaps.

"People grieve differently," Lexie calmly argues.

"So you think that Derek being so cruel to Addison and punching Mark in the face and not having any opinion in how our daughter was buried is okay!?" It's the most Meredith has spoken since Emily died.

"Mere, I…"

"Y'know what? Go, just get the hell out," Cristina gives Lexie a nasty glare as she leads Meredith into the kitchen, going straight into the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of tequila, pouring three shots for she, Meredith, and Alex. Surprisingly, Meredith declines, causing both Alex and Cristina to frown.

"I can't drink Cristina, I'm still…my body's still making milk like the baby's here and…right now, I don't wanna drink," Meredith's voice is low and sad as usual, but this time it's more hollow.

"So what do you want Mere?"

"I want my baby to not be dead; I want Addison to not be the one who called time of death, I want Derek to actually give a damn that our baby's dead…I want a lot of things Cristina, but we can't always get what we want now can we?" And there's something in Meredith's eyes that makes Cristina worry as she watches her friend stalk outside to the backyard where Derek is.

oOo

Addison has brought Carolyn into the kitchen where they watch the children sit outside near a makeshift bonfire chatting and talking and catching up with one another.

"They miss her; they miss them both," Carolyn says as Addison hands her a mug of coffee.

"She misses them too; so do I," Addison takes a seat across from her former mother-in-law, though her eyes are focused on how happy her daughter looks.

"This is the happiest she's been in nearly a year," Addison muses.

"Addie, about what I said earlier…I was never really been a good mom to you while you were married to Derek. It's not that I didn't trust you but…I always felt like you were…"

"Not good enough for Derek?" Addison raises an eyebrow at Carolyn who looks down sheepishly.

"I can't control who my parents are, I can't control how I was brought up. I take full responsibility for what happened between Derek and I, but Derek played a major part in our divorce too," Carolyn is silent as she sips on her coffee.

"Derek was never home, he put work before his family and instead of actually being present, he sent Mark over to do his role as a husband and father,"

"Did you ever love Derek, Addie?" Addison pinches the bridge of her nose; how dense could this woman be?

"I've always loved Derek, just because I slept with Mark doesn't change that. And for the record, I wasn't the only one who cheated," She doesn't mean for her bitterness to slip out but it does, because Carolyn seems hell bent on defending Derek.

"I know; Carley told me what he did at the prom with Meredith," Addison turns around once more to look at her former mother-in-law and…is that, sympathy she sees in her eyes?

"I really wish Carson hadn't told you that," Addison sighs.

"She told me a lot I didn't know; I had no idea that things were that bad for you and Derek towards the end…I don't, I don't hate you, Addie. I just, I only want what's best for Derek, and I tend to be more, lenient with him because he's my only boy and, I wanna protect him as much as I can. Amy told me how you helped her get that job in Los Angeles, how you gave her a place to stay, how you believed in her. I was always upset at how quickly Amy clung to you when she had 3 older sisters. I've been a stubborn old woman for quite some time Addie, and I haven't always treated you with the respect you deserve, and I'm sorry,"

She doesn't know what to say, honestly; it feels like she's being punk'd because she never thought she'd see the day where Carolyn Shepherd acknowledged that she'd been a downright bitch at times when it came to her ex-daughter-in-law. She swallows and does her best to keep her emotions in check when she responds,

"Uh, thank you, Carolyn,"

"Derek's angry, and he has every right to be; he lost a child…but what happened with Emily wasn't your fault Addie. I know you, and as a doctor, I'm sure you did everything you could to make sure that baby lived. As painful as it is…it just wasn't her time," Carolyn stands, gives Addison a smile before making herself comfortable in the kitchen.

"Have ya eaten yet Addie? I could whip up some of my meatloaf; I know how much you like it?" It's still weird as hell but she's thankful that God decided to give her a break and allow her mother-in-law (ex mother-in-law she quickly reminds herself) to hand her a peace offering.

"I've definitely missed it; I tried making it once but, we both know I'm a terrible cook," Both women laugh, their minds immediately go back to the hotdog thanksgiving.

"I could give you a few pointers if you want,"

"That'd be great, thank you,"

Carson stands on the patio with a satisfied smile; she managed to create peace between her mother and grandmother. If only she could bridge the gap between her parents…

"So it worked?" Ryan is standing beside her, his tiny arm wrapped around her waist.

"Yeah, looks like it did; we just have to get dad to stop being a jerk and things will be back to normal,"

"Hey Car?"

"Yeah, Ry?"

"Do you think mom could've saved Emily?" She looks down at her younger brother and smiles sadly.

"Yeah, mom's the best doctor there is; it's like the priest said earlier…this was just one of those unfortunate, fucked up situations," Ryan smirks at Carson's choice of words; the priest definitely did not say it like that but he gets what she means.

"Do you think we'll ever be okay?"

"I sure hope so kid, because the last thing we need is something else bad to happen," Carson stands on the patio a few minutes longer, watching as her aunts slowly make their way into the kitchen; soon, the Shepherd women are laughing and enjoying themselves over glasses of wine and coffee.

It feels nostalgic, to have her aunts and her mom in the kitchen laughing, her uncles are in the living room and out on the patio laughing, drinking, and watching football while she and her cousins chatted about life and goofed around. The only thing that was missing was her father and her uncle Mark. She places her hand into her pocket and feels the tiny Xanax bars that her body is craving, itching for her to pop. Yet, popping bars isn't doing it anymore. Smoking weed helps but…she misses the high that she got when she first started popping pills. Almost instantly, she can hear her Aunt Amelia in her head, warning her about how her drug habit would eventually worsen. No, she's not Aunt Amy; she doesn't need her pills, she hasn't taken one since she talked to Aunt Amy during the wake.

"I'll be right back Ry," With that she disentangles herself from her little brother's embrace and heads inside.

She gives her mom and the rest of the women in her family a wave before taking the back staircase up to her bedroom. When she gets inside, she rests against the door, taking a few deep breaths before going into her drawer and grabbing the rest of her pills and flushing them down the toilet. She doesn't miss the way her hands begin to shake the moment all of her pills are gone. She grabs her phone, texts Michael to tell him nevermind about getting her more pills. She thinks about taking her Aunt Amy up on her offer about going to rehab to help her detox.

She even thinks about telling her parents, or at least her mom about her drug use. She'd been going good for the last year, had her anxiety under attack, but it's been getting harder and harder to keep up this charade. She has to tell someone her secret; she opens the door to her bedroom, prepared to tell her mom what's been going on. However, by the time she makes it to the bottom step, the atmosphere has changed. Everyone is inside and suddenly on edge. Her mother looks distraught as she motions for her to come closer.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

"Honey, your father's been in an accident,"

 _Chapter 2 to follow…_


	2. Chapter 2

His mind has existed in a fog bank for the past two weeks. Since the moment he ran into the ER, Derek Christopher Shepherd has been a mess. He's tried to wrap his head around the events that have occurred recently and he's decided that none of this happened. Yup, he is in straight up denial. This has to be some sort of bad dream because why would God decide to let a crazed gunman come into his hospital and shoot him, and then let his daughter die so young? No, it has to be a bad dream, because this isn't the same God he'd grown up hearing sermons about as a kid. There's no way everything that's happened to him in the past year could be God's fault. No, there had to be some sort of source for all of his pain. There just had to be, because otherwise he'd go insane, swear that God hated him for whatever reason. Hell, who is he kidding, there is no God, at least not to him, because God is cruel and loves to fuck people over for no apparent reason and expect you to learn some grand lesson from it.

There is no God, and if there were, he or she or it has a hell of a lot to answer to.

How could God take someone like his father? A man who did nothing but love and serve others and all of that other shit the bible teaches? Why would God let his baby sister become a drug addict and crash his car before OD'ing; why was she clinically dead for three whole minutes? Why would God allow his wife to cheat on him with his best friend, in his bed on his favorite sheets? Most of all, why would God allow his daughter to steal his girlfriend's car, crash it and then two days later tell a man to shoot her?

Why would God let something as simple as a cold kill his precious six-month-old daughter?

There is no God, that's why.

Life is made up of choices, good or bad, in or out. It is a nuanced experience, full of subjectivity. People on believe in the concept of God and heaven and hell because it brings comfort to their puny little minds that there is something more to life than the shit we face on a daily basis.

It's how he ends up sitting in his backyard nursing a beer, doing his best not to blow his brains out.

Of course, he knows that he's been a downright asshole, but Derek Shepherd has never been a man who handled grief or loss particularly well. He closes himself off to people in order not to have a nervous breakdown. He sits and broods and sulks in his feelings and emotions in order not to jump off of a cliff or a bridge or to keep himself from being the next mass shooter. So he secludes himself just like he has during every other bad occurrence in his life. He goes to the trailer, refuses to shave and just sits and sulks, crying only to himself while drowning his liver in beer and scotch and whiskey.

Pain and Misery become his best friends for the next few days.

Perhaps he would be able to handle things better if it hadn't been Addison who presided over his daughter's case. Addison, whom he hasn't been able to get out of his head for the better part of a year. Addison, whose name he almost lets slip from his lips when he and Meredith have sex. Addison, Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery, the woman he was and, if he's honest with himself, still is in love with.

It's a whisper of a thing, his confession about loving his ex-wife. He only admits it inside his head, because saying it out loud to her, to Meredith would ruin their lives. He's not sure where the shift began but, he knows that he's felt different about her since she came back to Seattle and asked him to save Archer. If he had to pinpoint a defining moment when he realized that he still loved her, it would be then.

Two Years Ago

 _He's supposed to be proposing to Meredith tonight, but those plans have been put aside because Addison called and made him drop everything with four simple words,_

Derek, I need you.

 _It's how he finds himself standing outside in the cold, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. It'll be the first time he's seen her since the divorce nearly two years ago. Sure, he's seen her through Facebook, they're still friends there, but this will be the first time he physically lays eyes on her._

" _You okay?" He glances over at Richard who's staring at him knowingly._

"I'm f _ine, it's just….this will be my first time seeing her since the divorce. Carson said she cut her hair," Richard says nothing, simply smiles as the ambulance pulls up and of course her face is the first one he sees._

 _Seeing her up close and personal is like a punch in the gut. It doesn't escape his memory how easy it is for him to wrap his arms around her when she all but falls into his embrace as the paramedics wheel her brother inside the hospital. Of course her friends, their friends are happy to see her, Callie and Bailey and Mark clearing their schedules. He tries to avoid her but he can't, not when her brother is his patient._

I need you to be a God, just today, be a God.

 _Her words stick with him, become engrained in his skull as he works tirelessly and effortlessly to save her brother, his children's only biological uncle seeing as he has all sisters. He knows why she's clinging so hard to Archer. Bizzy and the Captain aren't exactly family to her, never have been and probably never will be. It's more than likely why their children barely acknowledge their maternal grandparents existence. She'd made sure that their children were included in every Shepherd tradition, no matter how much his mother disliked her. They fought about that often, of how much his mother disliked her. He tried to brush it off but, he knew his mother didn't like Addie. If it didn't become blaringly obvious, it certainly was when his mom gave him the ring his father proposed to her with outright saying Addie wasn't the right one. He can't forget relieved look in her eyes or their children's eyes once the surgery was over. He certainly won't forget the way Sam and Mark and Naomi kept singing that stupid wedding song, or how it got stuck in his head for two weeks after she left._

 _It seems like everything went downhill for him after that._

oOo

Since the minute she stepped back into his life she has done nothing but make him feel things, things he said he didn't wanna feel. Now, he feels them will full force, cannot escape the feelings for Addison that swarm his heart. He has spent the last 20 years of his life knowing Addison, cannot escape the year of friendship, the year and a half of dating, to their little surprise that they were going to be parents. He can't not count their engagement or the birth of their child with their wedding following shortly after. He can't discredit all of that, not for one affair. He can't let go of the 11 birthdays, Easters, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and wedding anniversaries they'd shared. Lest of all he cannot forget the two wonderful, beautiful children they have together and the incredible love they'd made over the years. You cannot just shut off 21 years of someone, no matter how much you try.

But it's exactly what he's tried to do since the divorce, and it was so easy when he didn't have to see her on a regular basis. Now that she's here, it's hard to stop thinking of her, of the good times they'd shared together. He loves Meredith, but there's a part of him that when he lies down with her at the end of the day that longs for Addison's security. There's a part of him that longs for the simplicity of her mundane tasks. Still, Meredith is his breath of fresh air, she just…she gets him. She understands that he's a scientist, understands that he needs his solitude. She's not as needy or as clingy as Addison was, or rather is. She is the polar opposite of Addison, exactly what he needs in his life at this point.

So why was he suddenly so drawn to Addison? It was the familiarity, yes, that was it.

If it's only for the familiarity and Meredith was perfect for him, why wasn't he with Meredith comforting and grieving with her over the loss of their daughter? Instead, why was he wishing for the comfort of Addison? He's jarred from his thoughts when he notices a pair of feet standing in front of him. It's Meredith, and she looks less than happy right now.

"Mere-"

"No, I'm gonna say things and you're gonna listen. Derek, I get that you're hurt over what happened to Emily, so am I, so are Carson and Ryan, but you're not the only person who's hurting. We promised no running, and right now you're running. You've been running from me for two weeks," Derek looks up at Meredith and sighs, reaching out to touch her hand.

"You're right, I have been running, but Mere…this is just…" He's tried his hardest not to cry in front of her, but he can't hold back any longer. Looking at Meredith is like staring into Emily's eyes and seeing his little girl's eyes reflected back into his own when she can no longer look at him is painful.

Meredith kneels in front of him, wrapping him up in her arms. Her voice is gentle but wobbly as she speaks.

"I know, I miss her too, but it was time Derek. There was nothing more Addison could've done," he pulls back when she mentions Addison's name.

"You hurt her y'know? The way you've been treating her; she's the mother of your kids Derek," She's right, he knows she's right but right now, he can't bring himself to think about her.

"I don't wanna talk about Addison, not right now; I'll apologize but I don't wanna think about her, not now," Derek buries his face in Meredith's chest; he's lying to her but she doesn't need to know that.

He's always thinking about Addison.

oOo

" _Time of death, 14: 27," Derek watches her with a hatred in his eyes he's never felt for his ex wife. She looks just as pained as everyone else in the room but for some reason, all he can feel for her is rage. It's misplaced but she's the only person he can blame for this; she was Emily's doctor, and he's rarely seen her lose a patient._

" _You didn't try," his voice is broken whisper as everyone looks at him._

" _You wanted this to happen, didn't you?" And again, he knows that he's being unreasonable but he can't help it. There has to be someone to blame for his little girl lying lifeless in her mother's arms right now. Addison, Addison is the source of his pain; she always is._

" _Derek-"_

" _Get out,"_

" _Derek-"_

" _I said get out! I don't want you anywhere near my family. Were you so hurt that I'd moved on with my life that you had to rip my happiness away?" Mark places a hand on his shoulder, but he wrenches away, stepping into Addison's personal space._

" _First you had to sleep with Mark, then you go and let my daughter die. You don't deserve to be a doctor,"_

" _Derek, I did everything I-"_

" _Bullshit; I know you Addison and you didn't fight. You gave up and because of you, my child is dead,"_

" _Derek, if I could fix this-"_

" _What you did today can never be fixed; you just couldn't stand the fact that I managed to move on, could you?"_

" _What?"_

" _You were so bitter that Meredith survived the shooting and Kevin didn't-" Mark is shoving him against a wall._

" _Of course you would defend her; I don't know what you saw in her," Derek grits as Mark's hold on his throat grows tighter. He vaguely hears Carson begging Mark to let him go._

" _That woman was your wife for almost 15 years; she gave birth to two of your children! I get that you're hurting, but this wasn't Addison's fault and you know it!" Derek shoves Mark away from him, staring around the room at everyone. He knows how he must look to everyone but right now it doesn't matter; he's hurting and that's all he can see._

" _I don't wanna see your face; don't show up anywhere near my daughter's funeral. This week, you stay far away from me as possible. I wish I'd never married you, I wish I'd fought for custody of Carson and Ryan, God knows they'd have been better off with me if I had. You're dead to me, do you understand that? You're dead to me Addison," He's never seen her openly cry like she's crying now and if he were sane, he'd wrap her up in his arms and apologize profusely, but grief tends to cloud your judgment. He tosses her a final look of disgust before storming out of the room._

oOoOo

When he wakes up, it's raining, tiny droplets are hitting the window pane. He rolls over and finds Meredith fast asleep. It looks to be the most she's slept since Emily died; he leans forward, carefully pressing a kiss to her head before getting up. He needs air, needs some space to think and really clear his head. He slides on a pair of shoes, stopping to grab his keys before making his way downstairs. The house is unusually quiet, but that's to be expected after a death so sudden as Emily's. He pauses when he notices her playpen sitting in the corner. Taking a deep breath, Derek slowly makes his way towards it, reaching in to pull out the pink stuffed bunny Carson had given her when she was born. He holds it close to his chest; he can still smell the scent of her baby shampoo on it. For a few moments he holds the bunny and lets out broken sobs for the life gone far too soon. He holds onto the bunny, smiles fondly at the way Em would chew on its ears; she had just started to cut teeth when she died. He grabs an umbrella from the closet and makes his way out the door.

He needs solitude, being here in the house with his memories of Emily are too much.

He calls Mark while he's driving, unsure if he'll even answer his phonecall; surprisingly he does.

"Look, Mark, I just wanted to say I'm sorry; I shouldn't have hit you. I was wrong," Derek waits for Mark to respond but gets no answer.

"Mark, did you hear what I said?"

"I heard you Shep, but I'm not the one you should be apologizing to and we both know that," Derek sighs, running a hand through his hair as he signals to get on the interstate.

"I can't Mark, not right now…it hurts too much. Plus, I doubt if Addison will even speak to me at this point,"

"She loves you, she'll be willing to listen," Derek frowns; was Mark saying what he thought he was saying?

"Wait, Mark, say it again,"

"Say what again?"

"What you just said,"

"What, that Addison loves you?"

"Yeah…Mark, are you saying-"

"I'm saying anything Derek; I'm just telling you that Addison would be willing to listen if you apologized for being a jackass,"

"That's not answering-"

"You're with Meredith, remember? Meredith is your wife, not Addison,"

"Meredith's not my wife, not legally anyways,"

"Don't Derek, don't do what I think you're gonna do,"

"You don't know what I'm gonna do,"

"I've known you since you were seven; you're about to try and do something stupid and it's only gonna get Meredith and Addison hurt. Spare them Shep, you've hurt em enough as it is," Derek sighs frustratedly.

"And you don't think Meredith and Addison hurt me? You slept with my wife!"

"That was six years ago Derek! You were never there! You put everything before your family. She gave you two kids and you treated her like shit! You had everything, a wife who loved you, two great kids but you couldn't be satisfied with that! You don't get to say Addison and Meredith hurt you when you're the one who's caused both of them more pain than you can imagine!" Mark is furious, and rightly so; he knows that Mark still has a soft spot for Addison and probably always will. He also can't blame him for coming to Meredith's defense either; he is, after all, seeing her sister.

"You're right; how do I fix it?"

"Some things you can't fix Derek; don't go back, you'll only hurt her in the end," Derek doesn't say anything but he knows which 'her' Mark is talking about.

oOoOo

Meredith wakes up to the sound of her phone ringing; Derek's not in bed with her. She sits up with a yawn and answers with a lazy,

"Hello?"

"Meredith…" and there's something about the way the other person on the other end of the phone says her name.

"Addison…"

"You need to get to the hospital, now."

"What's going on?"

"Derek's been in an accident," Meredith sighs heavily, quickly grabbing her coat and shoes and heading downstairs.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, but Meredith…it's bad,"

"I'm on my way; and Addison?"

"Yes?"

"He'd want you there,"

Neither woman says anything else before hanging up.

oOo

He never planned on stopping, but he couldn't help it, not when he saw that family stranded on the side of the road. He carefully got out and gave them a jump off; he smiled at them, the image of the husband and wife with their two kids in the back seat made him think of his life with Addison, but the baby girl in the back seat made him think of Emily. He waved the family off before getting back into his car. He sits there for a few minutes, contemplating his recent life choices. So many emotions are swirling through his head as he tries to gather one coherent thought. He leans over into the passenger seat and grabs Emily's stuffed rabbit and smiles, fondly remembering the last time he'd seen her play with it.

3 Weeks Ago

" _Whoa, what's this?" Derek drops his briefcase by the front door and looks up with a smile when he sees Carson sitting with Emily in her lap. The sight of his two girls makes him grin._

" _Hey dad, I was at the mall and decided to pop by and see the little squirt," Carson presses a kiss to Emily's cheek before carefully prying her hands away from her hair._

" _You were at the mall on a school night?" Derek frowns notices the way his daughter's eyes shift guiltily but says nothing._

" _Yeah, you know us 16-year-olds love going to the mall; there was a sale at Forever 21 so…"_

" _Does your mom know you're out charging up her credit card?" Derek chuckles before taking Emily from Carson's arms, though she lets out a protest when her beloved bunny falls onto the floor._

" _Oh, I've got it," Carson leans forward, grabbing the bunny and wiping its ear off with a wet wipe before handing it back to her baby sister._

" _It's her favorite toy y'know," Derek says, making Carson blush._

" _C'mon dad, she's got a ton of toys, there's no way that stupid bunny's her favorite,"_

" _It is; she sleeps with it every night," Meredith makes her way into the living room with a smile before lightly bussing Derek's lips and making a silly face at Emily._

" _I think you guys are over exaggerating; she's barely 6 months old, she doesn't know what favorites are, am I right Mr. Neurosurgeon?" Derek shakes his head at his daughter._

" _She really does like the bunny, in fact, she loves it, because it came from her big sister," It makes Derek's heart swell when Carson reaches for her younger sister to play for a few minutes longer._

 _Carson stays long enough to help but Emily to bed; she falls asleep with the bunny carefully tucked under her arm._

He doesn't even realize that he'd started driving; he just knows that he's back on the interstate. He's unsure of where he's going, but he knows that he has to get away from both Meredith and Addison. He thinks back on Mark's words and not for the first time is his best friend right; he's hurt them both. They need space, time away from him, and he needs the same in order to figure out what he should do. He pulls out his cell phone to call Mark, Mark will be better at breaking the news to them. He reaches to grab his phone but it slides out of his hands.

"Shit," Derek leans to the side, trying to grab the phone while doing his best to keep his eyes on the road.

Unfortunately, he veers over a little too far into the opposite lane and clips another car. The rain has intensified so it causes the other car to fishtail before it spins out of control. Everything happens in a blur, the screeching of car tires, the blaring of a horn, the bright flashing light as they head straight towards him. When he hears and feels the crunch of the impact, his hand is on Emily's stuffed rabbit.

 _Chapter 3 to follow…_


	3. Chapter 3

**Trigger warning for sexual content and drug use.**

"Derek Shepherd, age 44; MVC, Severe head lack, abdomen is distended and rigid. He's showing signs of fractured ribs, possible punctured lung," Hank the paramedic is rushing beside the gurney as he regurgitates the laundry list of Derek's injuries.

"Alright people, let's move!" Owen's voice is booming over the team of doctors as they rush Derek into a nearby trauma bay.

"What the hell happened?!" Mark is rushing into the ER, Callie not far behind.

"We don't know yet Sloan," The Chief is trying to keep him calm.

"How do you not know what happened, I called it in!"

"Sloan, we don't know the extent of his injuries but we're working on it," Mark lets out a harsh breath, peering around the chief's shoulder to get a good look at Derek.

"Mark, let's let them do their job; we should wait for Meredith and Addison get here," Callie rubs a hand gently along his bicep before leading him away.

"Wait! We found this on him," Owen hands Mark the limp looking stuffed bunny and he promptly breaks down as Callie looks at him in confusion until she realizes why Mark is crying.

"This, this was Emily's…" Owen nods quickly, knowing how sensitive the subject of little Emily Shepherd is.

"We'll do everything we can Torres," Callie nods, wiping away her own tears before taking the bunny in hands as she Mark head into the waiting room.

How the hell do things like this keep happening?

oOo

Mark is nursing another scotch as he sits with Callie Torres, who is currently lamenting the sad state of her love life. Arizona has been gone for just over a week; she'd left Callie in the middle of the airport after Callie expressed having reservations about going to Malawi. Mark understands heartbreak better than most; Lexie has left him, not once, but twice for two different men. This time she's seeing none other than Jackson Avery, his resident, his favorite resident to be exact. He sighs heavily when his phone rings; it's Derek. He stands up, moving towards her bedroom.

"Be easy on him Mark, he just lost a kid," Mark nods before closing the door behind him.

"Look, Mark, I just wanted to say I'm sorry; I shouldn't have hit you. I was wrong," Mark remains quiet as he leans against Callie's dresser.

"Mark, did you hear what I said?"

"I heard you Shep, but I'm not the one you should be apologizing to and we both know that," He hears Derek sigh heavily; he knows that he doesn't wanna hear it but, someone has to tell him.

"I can't Mark, not right now…it hurts too much. Plus, I doubt if Addison will even speak to me at this point,"

"She loves you; she'll be willing to listen,"

"Wait, Mark, say it again," Mark frowns in confusion.

"Say what again?"

"What you just said,"

"What, that Addison loves you?"

"Yeah…Mark, are you saying-"

"I'm saying anything Derek; I'm just telling you that Addison would be willing to listen if you apologized for being a jackass,"

"That's not answering-"

"You're with Meredith, remember? Meredith is your wife, not Addison," Mark is quick to remind him.

"Meredith's not my wife, not legally anyways,"

"Don't Derek, don't do what I think you're gonna do,"

"You don't know what I'm gonna do,"

"I've known you since you were seven; you're about to try and do something stupid and it's only gonna get Meredith and Addison hurt. Spare them Shep; you've hurt em enough as it is,"

"And you don't think Meredith and Addison hurt me? You slept with my wife!" Mark shakes his head in frustration; Derek is really testing his patience. And how the hell can he even think that he has a right to be mad at him? They'd all agreed that they were over the affair.

"That was six years ago Derek! You were never there! You put everything before your family. She gave you two kids and you treated her like shit! You had everything, a wife who loved you, two great kids but you couldn't be satisfied with that! You don't get to say Addison and Meredith hurt you when you're the one who's caused both of them more pain than you can imagine!" Mark is furious, and rightly so; he loves Addison, always has and more than likely always will. Plus, he actually likes Meredith, his on-again-off-again relationship with Lexie notwithstanding.

"You're right; how do I fix it?" He hears Derek sigh in defeat.

"Some things you can't fix Derek; don't go back, you'll only hurt her in the end," He doesn't say which 'she' he means because he assumes Derek is smart enough to figure it out. They end the call at that, with Mark emerging from the bedroom to Callie's curious stare

"He's still in love with her," is all he says as he reaches into her fridge.

"Who's still in love with who?"

"C'mon Torres; we both know Shep is still in love with Addison,"

"Oh come on Mark, Derek's moved on with Meredith; they just lost a baby,"

"Don't act like you haven't seen the shift between those two since the shooting,"

"I just assumed that they'd reached a good place after everything that's happened between them," Mark raises an eyebrow at her.

"So would've built O'Malley a brand new house to live in before on the same property you'd promised Arizona would be hers to start a family on?"

"You can't use me and Arizona; she didn't want kids,"

"But she considered it, for you,"

"And look where we are now,"

"Meredith tried to run away too but she eventually came around,"

"So you're saying that Arizona will suddenly come around?"

"I'm just saying if Meredith Grey can stop being dark and twisty…" Callie glowers at him.

"We were talking about Derek is supposedly in love with Addison, not my messy love life or the lack thereof,"

"It's all the same Torres; Derek still loves Addison, and Addison still loves him,"

"Of course she's still going to love him Mark, they were married for over 10 years and have two kids together!"

"…They kissed during the shooting," Mark sheepishly admits as Callie's eyes widen.

"They did not!"

"Twice actually; he kissed her and then she kissed him,"

"Does Meredith know?"

"She knows, Addison told her,"

"But that doesn't mean-"

"Addison was the first person he asked for besides his kids after he woke up from anesthesia,"

"Mark…"

"You can't tell me you haven't noticed the closeness between the two of them," Callie sighs, running a hand through her now shortened hair.

"I just…we shouldn't be talking about this Mark, not after what Derek and Meredith and Addison have gone through," Mark places an arm on Callie's shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"You're right," Mark mutters, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

They spend the rest of the evening curled up on Callie's couch in a self-loathing state until Mark's cell phone rings several hours later. Derek is calling again, though Mark can barely hear what he's saying; the static and the rain are drowning out his words. He vaguely hears something about a trip and Meredith and Addison.

"Derek, I can't hear you, what about Meredith and Addison?" Callie sits up from her sleepy state on the couch next to Mark and frowns.

"Tell me Derek's not about to-" Mark holds up a hand, concerned etched across his face as he listens intently.

"Derek, Derek, Shep, what's going on, talk to me,"

"Mark, what's going on?"

"Derek! Derek, can you hear me?" Mark is on his feet in seconds, toeing on his shoes as he searches for his coat.

"Mark! What is going on?!" Mark is still ignoring her as he reaches for her cordless phone.

"This is Dr. Sloan, I need an ambulance now! Where? I don't know where, just…it's for Chief Shepherd; his car has On Star navigation, tell the dispatcher to locate him that way!" Mark hangs up the phone and starts for the door, though Callie is reaching for his arm.

"Mark! What is going on!?" He turns to face her briefly, fear and terror etched into his eyes as he utters,

"Derek's been in an accident…I gotta find Addison," He doesn't give Callie much time to do anything besides grab her purse and a jacket before they're rushing out of her apartment.

oOoOo

It's still strange to be hosting Derek's entire family at her house. She hasn't done anything like this since the infamous hot dog Thanksgiving when Carson was a baby. This time, though, she doesn't feel like the outsider, this time she feels at home, welcomed, loved. Plus, she's much more relaxed since Derek's mother is whipping up some of her famous meatloaf. She's sitting with Derek's sisters laughing over their children's antics when her cell phone rings; Mark is calling.

"Mark, hey! You should come over, you're missing all of the fun," Her voice carries a sense of happiness to it she hasn't displayed since Emily's death. However, the world comes crashing down around her when Mark utters the inevitable,

"Red, Derek's been in an accident,"

She doesn't even realize she's dropped her wine glass until Nancy's hands are on her cheeks, forcing her to look at her.

"Addie!" She's blinked out of her trance when she hears Nancy calling her name. Someone, Amelia or Liz's husband Andy has grabbed her cell phone.

"I, where's Ryan? Where's Carson?" She's full of adrenaline as she moves, grabbing a coat and her purse.

"Addie, calm down," Carolyn's hand is on her shoulder, bringing her back to earth.

For her, this is the shooting all over again.

"I can't, Derek-"

"An ambulance found him; Mark called it in," Amelia is by her side, gently rubbing a hand along her bicep.

"You're in no shape to drive to the hospital," Nancy tells her.

"She's right; plus, you have to tell Meredith," Kathleen reminds her as Addison sighs.

She pauses for a moment; why was she the first person Mark called? Meredith is Derek's wife, and if anything she needs to be reassured that her life isn't about to fall apart, even more, today. She takes a deep, calming breath and shakily grabs her cell phone to call Meredith.

In the back of her mind, she's praying that Derek is okay; things can't end like this between them.

oOo

Meredith Grey is racing into the ER, her mind feeling a weird sense of Déjà vu washing over her. It's too reminiscent of the day she brought Emily into this same ER. She stops, stands in the middle of the ER unable to breathe. It feels as if the world, the room, in particular, is closing in on her. Her vision is blurry, black dots spotting her vision. She feels sick, oh God, she's going to lose her lunch all over the ER floor. She haunches forward, sure her knees are about to give way. Thankfully, a pair of hands brace her, anchor her to the ground.

A pair of hands she never thought she'd see again: Finn Dandridge.

"Meredith?" She tilts her head back to look at him, to make sure he's really there.

"Meredith, are you okay?"

"Finn?" He gives her that same easy smile that made her stomach do somersaults.

"Are you alright?"

"I…Derek's here," is all she can manage, unable to quell down on the anxiety that runs through her veins at the mention of his name. She notices the way Finn's hold on her loosens, she doesn't miss the way his eyes lose that shimmer.

"Oh, I should let you get to him then," With that, he lets her go, though she clings to him even tighter.

"I…today's been a terrible day," Finn doesn't let go, instead he holds her, right there in the middle of the ER, neither of them caring who sees them.

"What happened Meredith?" And there's something about the way he seems genuinely concerned about her, about what she's feeling that makes her pour her heart out to him.

"My baby died, and now, I think I may be losing Derek too," Meredith Grey has always been a strong woman, the port in everyone else's storm but today, her own damn breaks and she cries, sobs actually, in Finn's arms.

He doesn't say anything; he simply guides her to a nearby chair where he holds her, whispers soothing words to her that wash over her in an odd sense of comfort.

Despite the fact that she's here for Derek, the universe is telling her that she should be here in Finn's arms.

oOoOo

Carson is standing outside, in the middle of the rain, because she doesn't do hospitals, she doesn't do grief, or anger, or waiting. It's that last one, the waiting part that gets to her. Her entire family is here; Meredith showed up some twenty minutes after everyone else, and she smelled funny like she'd been sitting in a vet's office. She looked…different; she only talked to her mom and remained silent, but Carson noticed the look in her eyes. She was different somehow. Everything was changing and she had finally grown tired of the constant up and down cycle life had been throwing at her lately. She waiting outside in the rain for Michael to show, because as soon as she had a second to herself, she texted him and told her that she'd changed her mind, she would be needing her Xanax bars, plus something…stronger. The Xanax weren't doing it anymore, neither was weed. If life was going to keep throwing her fucking curve balls, she needed to be in a blissful euphoric state at all times, otherwise, she'd be in a padded room with the way accidents and death kept coming after her family.

She's pacing back and forth across the pavilion as she waits for Michael's car to pull up. She's thankful that her parents, her mother, in particular, feel that she should only go to private schools, it's so much easier to get access to drugs in private school. She never told her mom but, back in LA when she went through this phase where she felt like she was fat, she had friends who gave her some stuff that helped curb her appetite, which made losing weight to get on the cheerleading team super easy. She stopped taking them though when her friend Lindsay ended up developing an eating disorder. She doesn't have one of those; she only purges when she feels bloated and when she's eaten more than she should have just before her period comes on. Her mom's never found out about that, she'll never find out about this.

Still, there's her pesky Aunt Amy; she'd told her too much at Emily's wake. Still, if push came to shove, she'd totally deny it and say that Aunt Amy had secretly confessed that she was struggling again. Instantly, her stomach curls with guilt; Aunt Amy has worked extremely hard to get her life together again, for people, her dad, in particular, to start trusting her. Plus, it would jeopardize her mom's career and reputation, after all, she was the one who told Charlotte and Naomi that Amelia would be a good fit for the practice. She still has shares in OWG and having Aunt Amy allegedly relapse would be a bad look. She shakes her head, there's no way in hell she's letting her parents or Aunt Amy find out she's doing drugs. She'll just have to be more clever with hiding it. Thankfully, Michael's all Black Range Rover pulls up some twenty minutes after she called.

"It's about fucking time you got here!" Carson is rushing to climb into the passenger side.

"I had to reach back and pull out some old connections for this," Michael is cute; he's a senior this year and is on the wrestling team.

He comes from old money, a political family of some sort. Plus, his Uncle is on the board of directors at the Mall while his Father sits on the board for a college in Seattle. She thinks Bizzy would like him; plus, he's kind of cute.

"I really appreciate you for doing this for me Michael," Carson bats her lashes at him, hoping that this is all she'll have to do.

"Yeah? And how much do you appreciate me doing this for you?" Michael's hand is slowly running up and down her jean clad thigh. She may think he's cute, but not cute enough to sleep with for drugs; she's got a boyfriend, Drew.

"I really appreciate it, Michael," Carson tries to slide her hand across his lap in order to get the bag of pills she knows belong to her, but Michael takes her hand and rubs it across his crotch.

"Michael, I have a boyfriend," Carson carefully pries her hand away from him and his crotch.

"I know, but I wonder if he knows that you've developed a nasty little…habit?" Michael reaches out to cup her chin as Carson pulls away from him.

"Let's not forget that you've got a girlfriend Michael, and you have just as much to lose as I do," Carson's not stupid; she did her homework on Michael. If she hadn't, then she wouldn't be doing business with him.

"You're smarter than I gave you credit for; I mean, but you are a Forbes after all; business practically runs through your veins," Michael is still running a hand back and forth across her thigh, slowly inching its way further up near the seam of her jeans. To say she's not affected by it would be a lie.

"Oh come on Carson, we both know that eventually, you'll fall into my bed; they all do," Michael leans across the seat, gently stroking her cheek and it makes her shiver.

"Look, I just want my pills," Michael smirks at her before reaching into his lap and placing the pills on her lap, still rubbing his fingers along the seam of her jeans and along her thighs.

"Here, you've got your regular Xanax, a couple Percocet, some Demerol, and a couple Adderall," The Ziploc baggie is still small, but contains several prescription bottles with the name Mary Anne Morris on them.

"Thanks," Carson breathes eager to take a couple of the pills so that she can feel that euphoric bliss that will help make her current situation bearable.

"Be careful mixing these, don't mix them with alcohol…if I were you, I'd try snorting them. Your body's gotten used to ingesting the pill form. Crush em and snort em; it'll help with the high," Michael stares at her for a few moments before reaching into his pocket to pull out an even smaller bag with a powdery substance.

"Here, try this," Carson looks at Michael skeptically, not sure if she should trust him; he's essentially been stroking her through her jeans for the last fifteen minutes and while it feels great, she doesn't wanna do this. She should just grab her pills and go be with her family.

"Oh come on, it's just coke…if you're looking for something to really take the edge off, this'll help for sure,"

"I don't know…"

"Those pills will only do you good for so long; they're low dosages,"

"Why'd you give me such low-"

"You really have no idea how hard or how illegal it is to get prescription drugs, do you? You can't just walk into a pharmacy and say 'gimmie the highest dosage of Xanax you've got'," Michael chuckles at her, slowly shaking his head.

"Here, lick it off my hand," Michael dips his pinky into the bag, the white substance sticking to his finger. He places a dash of it on the top of his hand, holding it out to Carson.

"Just like it; you'll feel better than you do right now, I promise," Her heart is racing; she knows he's right. Knows that eventually she'll take all of those pills and that it still won't change just how much her life has changed in the past year. It won't change the fact that Kevin is dead, that her dad got shot, it won't change the dreams she's been having since the shooting, it won't change the fact that Emily died two weeks ago, or the fact that her father could possibly be dying right now this second. She needs to forget, she needs to forget and fast.

"Fine, just one time," Carson leans forward, her tongue darting out of her mouth to taste the powdery substance on Michael's hand.

Almost instantly she's hit with a high she's never felt; every nerve fiber in her body seems to come alive. Her senses are heightened, and suddenly the feel of Michael's fingers brushing against the seam of her jeans and along her thighs makes heat pool in her belly. It makes her panties grow incredibly wet as her head falls back against the seat as her hips begin to move against his hand. Michael smirks at her, knowing that she'd be just that weak and desperate enough to get her mind off of her father. He leans forward and begins pressing soft kisses to her neck. His grins widens when he hears her let out a breathy sigh as her hand threads through his hair.

"Why don't we take this party somewhere a little less public," Michael whispers in her ear as he pulls back to put his car in drive, pulling around the side of the hospital where he proceeds to push his seat back, allowing Carson Montgomery to ride him into oblivion.

oOo

By the time she enters the hospital an hour and a half later, her entire family is sitting in the waiting area. Her mother rushes towards her; Carson ignores the look Amelia gives her as she hugs her mother.

"Carson, where were you? I called your cell five times," Carson glances down at her phone; sure enough she's got five missed calls and a few texts from her mother.

"I just…you know I don't like hospitals mom, not after everything that's happened. I need some air so I called a friend and we drove around for a little while," Addison pulls back to look at her daughter and takes in her slightly disheveled appearance and shakes her head. She has a pretty good idea what Carson and this 'friend' of hers had gotten into. She decides not to address it, at least not in front of everyone.

"I'm just glad you're okay…we'll talk about what else that happened later," Addison mutters the rest in her ear, letting her know that she hadn't been as careful as she thought. Carson nods before pulling back to ask,

"Is daddy okay?" Addison glances over at Meredith who sighs heavily.

"He's got a pretty serious head injury, swelling on the brain, but his ICP is stable for now. He's got a few broken ribs, punctured his right lung. They're mostly watching his heart with everything that's he's been through lately," Addison rubs her hands along Carson's shoulders to reassure her that her father's fine.

"That's, that sounds good; he'll be okay?" She turns her attention to Meredith this time, knowing that Meredith is a resident on her father's service and knows almost as much about neuro as he does.

"He'll be fine, as long as we keep an eye on his ICP and can get a good read on his stress test, he should be home in at least a week," Carson breathes a sigh of relief as she moves to sit next to her Aunt Amelia, who shoots her a knowing look but says nothing.

Everyone around her is quietly chatting, doing their best to remain calm now that they know Derek will be okay. Carson's mind however, is running at a mile a minute, constantly thinking about everything. She's more alert than usual, and she's definitely still feeling the residual effects of her little tryst with Michael.

Shit.

She'd had sex with him; shit, shit, shit, shit. She's in a relationship with Drew; she essentially cheated on her boyfriend and didn't use a condom. There's no telling what kind of diseases she's exposed herself to. Plus, Michael didn't pull out; fuck. Carson stands up quickly, calming her mother's worries with the lie that she's going to the bathroom. Once she's alone she locks herself in a stall and throws up the remains of whatever she'd eaten that day. She has to pee, which is a good thing, because when she pulls down her panties she's spotting; she wasn't exactly a virgin but there was no foreplay involved. She's learned from her mom that rough sex or dry sex can be painful and can cause some bleeding. She hopes that's all it is; she shudders when she feels the remains of her romp with Michael oozing down her leg. Carson blinks back the tears as she does her best to clean herself up. When she comes out of the bathroom, Amelia is waiting for her.

Amelia doesn't get the chance to say anything because Addison walks into the bathroom at the exact moment Amelia is about to bust her for what she did.

"Amelia, could you give Carson and I a minute?" Amelia glances at Carson for a few moments but nods, leaving Addison alone with Carson.

"Mom, please don't-"

"I assume this friend you were with was Drew?" Carson pauses, allowing the water to run for a few minutes as she stares at her mother, telling her a bold-faced lie.

"Yeah; mom, I know what you're gonna say and-"

"Your top's on inside out and your shirt's buttoned wrong," Carson gulps guiltily and fixes both.

"How long have you and Drew been having sex?" Addison is leaning against the sink with an eyebrow raised, completely unhappy about having this conversation with her almost seventeen-year-old daughter.

"Just…not long mom, I swear!"

"From the looks of it, you two were foolish and didn't use a condom?"

"No,"

"I'm gonna check you out, give you an antiviral cocktail and a plan B pill. Once we're sure that Plan B has done its job, you're going on birth control, and honey…I know that the last year has been hectic but…" Addison pinches the bridge of her nose, doing her best not to cry.

"Mom, please don't be mad…" And Carson actually does feel bad for upsetting her mother, even if she is high as a kite.

"I just wish you'd agree to talk to someone instead of doing something as reckless as having sex," Addison is trying not to yell but she's just as stressed.

"Mom, if you want me to talk to Aunt Kat or Dr. Wyatt, I will just, please don't cry mommy," and that's what does it, Carson calling her mommy. It causes Addison to pull her into her arms and hold her.

It's the safest Carson has felt in nearly a year; if only this feeling could last…

 _Chapter 4 to follow…_

* * *

 **I'm so glad that you all are enjoying everything so far. The pain is only beginning though I must warn you. Also, the subject matter is only going to get heavier as the story progresses. Also, we're about to start the road to romantic Addek; for my MerDer lovers, I'm going to try and make it as uncomplicated as possible, but either way, it's going to be a bit messy. I plan to try and update at least once a week or every two weeks since my schedule for this semester is surprisingly light in terms of school. I look forward to reading your reviews!**

 **Xx**


	4. Chapter 4

It's the beeping and whirring of machines that lets him know he's still alive.

"Hey, welcome back," The first face he's met with is that of Miranda Bailey.

"What happened?" Bailey is writing up charts and post-op notes, doesn't bother to look up at him when she responds,

"You were an idiot and crashed your car…do you know how terrified your wife and ex-wife are right now?" he assumes based on her tone of voice (which has a certain hint of annoyance that she carries only for he and Mark) that if she could hit him, she totally would.

"That wasn't my plan," Derek tries to sit up, only to be met with a searing pain in his chest.

"Do not move, you stubborn, stupid man; you've got four broken ribs!" Bailey has put her chart down and is now helping him attempt to move into a sitting position.

"Where are they, Meredith and Addison?" Bailey sighs; she places her hands on her hips as she stares at him.

"I may not like Meredith Grey as a person, but she's a brilliant surgeon. You two may not be married but you took vows, you made promises to this girl, she had your damn baby. Now Addison on the other hand, I like her a lot; she's nice, she smells good and she saves babies…you hurt her and she hurt you, but it's obvious that the two of you still love one another. Now, if you ask me, I don't think you deserve either one of them but that's not my call…what I will say is if you hurt my intern or my friend again, you'll have to answer to the Nazi, is that understood?" Bailey raises an eyebrow at him as Derek sighs heavily.

"That's what I wanted to talk to them about; I'm leaving them both," Bailey's eyes shoot up to look at him.

"You so damn stupid," Bailey shakes her head and sighs.

"Let me finish; I'm leaving them both because I've caused them so much pain. I love them both, I love Addison and I love Meredith, but I can't continue to hurt them, not after losing Emily and how I treated Addison,"

"And you're gonna stop hurting them how exactly?"

"I'm leaving, not forever but…for a while. That's what I was going to do before I crashed. I'd already talked to Richard about it. I wrote Meredith and Addison letters that I was gonna send them once I got to where I was going," Bailey sighs once more, pulling up a swivel seat to sit in front of Derek Shepherd.

"And exactly where in the hell were you going?"

"I never told Addison or Meredith this but, I bought a place, in Montana. I was gonna go there for a while and just…" Derek lets out a heavy sigh as his head falls back against his pillow.

"I'm gonna go get Meredith and Addison," Bailey tells him; she stands up and heads out of the room, leaving Derek alone with his thoughts.

oOo

The waiting room is quiet, the Shepherds are huddled together in groups as they wait for word on Derek. Meredith is, of course, distant, standing off to talking quietly to the side as she talks with Alex and Cristina.

"She hasn't even interacted with us," Nancy says with an eye roll as her husband Mitch squeezes her hand.

"You know Meredith's…different Nance; she didn't grow up with the closeness like you all did," Nancy sighs heavily as she continues to watch Meredith, though her eyes flicker over to Addison from time to time.

"Addie didn't grow up like we did but look at her," Nancy's head motions over to where she's sitting with Carson and Ryan, chatting with the children.

"Just because Addie gets along well with the children doesn't mean she's right for Derek," Carolyn says as Amelia shakes her head.

"I thought you and Addie were okay?" Amelia asks, causing the rest of the Shepherd sisters to look at their mother, who sighs.

"I am I just…it's going to take me a while to get over what she did to Derek. It's the reason I'm trying to give Meredith a chance since you all said I didn't give Addie a chance."

"Still mom, Meredith isn't trying-"

"And you never gave her a chance to try; what did you call her when you found out she was sleeping with Derek?"

"The dirty mistress," Nancy says primly.

"And if Meredith's a dirty mistress what does that make Mark?" Carolyn may love Mark but what he did was just as wrong and she acknowledges it.

Nancy doesn't get to respond to that question, because Miranda Bailey is walking towards them, causing both Addison and Meredith to turn before quickly making their way towards her.

"Bailey, how is he?" Meredith's eyes are full of fear and something else Addison couldn't quite place.

"He's fine; banged up and sore, but fine. He um, he wants to see both of you," Bailey says quietly as Meredith looks to Addison.

"He should see Meredith first, I'll go after she goes; she's his wife and they've been through a lot today,"

"I'll let him know," Bailey gives Addison a nod before leading Meredith towards Derek's room. Once she sits down, she's immediately bombarded with questions from the rest of Derek's family.

"He's fine, banged up but fine; he wanted to see Meredith first," And there's something about the way Addison looks that causes Carson to raise an eyebrow.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, honey?"

"Is dad really okay?" Carson has moved to sit next to her mother as she quietly asks the question.

"He's fine sweetie,"

"You're making that face,"

"What face?"

"The face you make when there's something…more that you're not saying." Addison sighs heavily and shakes her head slowly.

"Carson, your father's fine I promise,"

"But that face you're making-"

"I'm making this face because I really shouldn't be here and your father shouldn't want to see both me and Meredith,"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not his wife anymore Carson; married people are supposed to be civil and Derek and I we're…" Carson tilts her head to the side and stares at her mother, long and hard. Suddenly, it all makes sense to her; they're still in love.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember when I asked you if there was a chance that you and dad could get back together?" Addison turns to face her daughter and tells her the biggest lie that neither one of them believes.

"Carson, your father and I aren't getting back together,"

Carson doesn't respond, but the two share a look that silently communicates that they both know that statement was a bunch of bullshit.

oOoOo

Meredith has known what was coming for quite some time now. She's felt the distance and the shift between she and Derek for years now. Her instincts had told her that Derek and Addison had unfinished business but he'd chosen her, wanted to date her, to have babies with her. Still, what he wanted, she wasn't ready for. She didn't feel good enough or worthy enough even to have those things with him. Plus, there was the feeling of being a do-over or a second choice, seeing as he'd been through all of those things with Addison already. She's so consumed in her thoughts with Derek that she runs right into a solid mass.

Otherwise known as Finn Dandridge.

"We have got to stop meeting like this," Finn's wearing that lazy smile that Meredith enjoyed so much when they were together.

"Hi,"

"How's Derek?" She doesn't miss the way he seems to bristle up at the man's name.

"I'm going to see him now actually," Finn simply gives her a nod and what's supposed to be a smile but comes off as a grimace.

"Don't let me stop you…" Finn prepares to walk away but Meredith stops him, reaches out to grab his arm.

"Finn, wait!" He turns to look at her with a hint of curiosity in his eyes as he waits for her to speak again.

"I…I don't think I'm quite ready to see Derek just yet; you wanna grab some coffee or, go over to Joe's?" Meredith looks unsure of herself and it causes Finn's stomach to do this weird flip.

"Y'know, let's not go to Joe's, but coffee is good; cafeteria still your favorite place?" and for the first time in a while, Meredith laughs.

"The cafeteria's fine," as she walks away with Finn, she doesn't notice Miranda Bailey watching her with a satisfied smile on her face. She says nothing more but simply goes back to doing her charts. Her intern is smart after all; let's hope Addison is too, but something tells Bailey she won't be.

oOo

Derek grows tired of waiting for Meredith to show and soon drifts off to sleep. When he wakes up, his eyes are a bit blurry and he only makes out the silhouette of the person standing in front of him.

"Addison?" he hears a faint chuckle that lets him know it's not her, but the other redhead in his life.

"Hey kiddo,"

"You've really got to stop doing this dad," Derek watches her as she pulls up a seat beside him, taking his hands into hers, just the way her mother would.

"I'm sorry,"

"You should be; mom and Meredith are really in love with you," and Derek would agree because the words flow on her tongue so easily but he quickly remembers who she is and who taught her this tactic and chooses his words carefully.

"Meredith is in love with me and your mother-"

"Dad cut the crap; everyone, including Meredith, knows that you and mom still have the hots for each other," Carson rolls her eyes, though there's a slight smile on her face that somehow reminds him of Mark.

"Carson…"

"I'm serious, dad! Mom won't tell me anything and you-"

"Because there's nothing to tell," Derek says as Carson sits back in her seat dejectedly.

"Why'd you do it?" Carson asks.

"Do what?"

"Why'd you start being so distant?" And for the first time in a long time, he sees his scared little girl, the one who worshiped the ground he walked on.

"I don't know Carson, I never intended for it to happen but, I got so caught up with work and wanting to be chief that…I ended up failing my family,"

"Did you talk to mom about it?" Derek sighs as he tries to sit up, though Carson is quick to help him, making sure that there are pillows properly positioned behind his head and back to make him comfortable.

"Your mother tried but I…didn't listen; did you know about the affair?" It's a totally inappropriate question but, they've already blurred the lines for Carson enough, what's one more question gonna hurt?

"Initially, no; mom tried her best to keep it from us. I knew Uncle Mark was spending way more time over than he should've. I just, it was nice having him around since you weren't here," Derek reaches out and squeezes Carson's hand in apology.

"So you didn't know then?"

"No, not at first; in fact, I really didn't find out until after the affair. Luckily Ryan and I weren't home that night but, mom did tell me she'd done something bad to make you leave. I hated her for a while until we got here,"

"What made you stop hating her when we got here?"

"I saw how much of a jerk you were, no offense,"

"Nonetaken," Derek laughs, urging her to continue; he needed to have this conversation with his kid.

"I sort of saw it here, the way you didn't really come home, the way you looked at Meredith. I started thinking about how you were in New York. Mom still didn't wanna tell me what she'd did, until I overheard a nurse talking about it while I was walking down the hall,"

"I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did,"

"You mean about mom cheating or about finding Meredith's panties in your coat pocket," the admission that she was the one to find the now infamous panties is enough to make Derek cringe.

"Both, but I'm more sorry about the panties,"

"…After that I just, I really started to hate you, because mom was a good mom and a good wife. At least, she was to me,"

"You're right, she was a good mom and a good wife and I went and messed it all up didn't I?"

"There's still a chance to redeem yourself y'know…" Carson's wearing a sly grin that reminds him of Amelia.

"Carson-"

"Hey, you and Meredith aren't technically married so…"

"We just buried Emily today…" The mention of Emily is enough to make the somewhat lightness of the room shift into something sad.

"Do you think you'll ever get over it?"

"I don't know, I hope so,"

"Hm. Hey, dad?"

"Yeah honey?"

"For what it's worth, I think you should give you and mom another chance. Everybody knows it's going to happen eventually; even Meredith knows it,"

"I've hurt Meredith and your mom far too much far too many times over the last few years…it's why I wanna leave," Carson's eyes widen at the mention of Derek leaving.

"What do you mean leave? Dad, you can't just-"

"I said I want to, but now I know I can't; I had planned on going up to Montana to this lodge I'd bought but…I really messed up Carson."

"You did, but you need to stay and clean up the mess you made because leaving will only serve to hurt them more," Derek chuckles and shakes his head.

"You sound like Bailey,"

"Dr. Bailey's right; talk to them dad, don't just run away," With that, Carson prepares to stand; she leans forward to give her father a kiss before closing the door behind her.

Derek has a decision to make; someone is going to get hurt either way, but he's hurt them enough.

It's an easy decision to make; stay with Meredith, she needs him now more than ever. He owes it to her to stay; they just buried a baby for God's sakes! Still, his heart is telling him that staying with Meredith because of Emily will only serve to make them more miserable. He tried doing the honorable thing and stayed with Addison all those years ago. If he stays with Meredith, she could just as easily be finding Addison's panties in his coat pocket, and Mere deserves better than that. Still, he shouldn't choose Addison, because choosing Addison would be like making her second best. He had his chance with her, two to be exact and he blew both of them.

Besides, their kids are almost adults and he'd rather not put them through yet another change, especially when he's not sure if Addison even feels the same way. Sure, everyone keeps telling him she does but, he's never heard her say it or voice it. Is it possible that she still loves him? No, and even if she did, there's no way she'd still love him after he was a complete asshole to her when Emily died. If his movement wasn't so restricted, he'd flop back into the pillows. Instead, he sighs heavily, closing his eyes, wishing that he could rid himself of the two beautiful women in his head for just a few seconds.

By the time he opened his eyes again, Derek Christopher Shepherd had made a decision, he just hoped the woman he chose would be willing to give him yet another chance…

 _Chapter 5 to follow…_


	5. Chapter 5

**I apologize for the long wait; real life got busy for me. We've got a slight time jump coming, which will reveal Derek's choice as well other great-but-not-so-great things. Our story's about to start gaining momentum; be prepared!**

 **Trigger Warning for sex and mild drug usage.**

* * *

Two-and-a-Half Months Later

"I can _not_ believe I'm doing this," Addison mutters as she paces back and forth in the bathroom; her heels are echoing on the linoleum floors.

"I've got a getaway car ready if you need it," Amelia is casually leaning against the wall watching in amusement.

"Addison, relax; this is what you both wanted right?" Callie, of course, is being the level headed one or she's at least trying to be.

"Bailey, help me out would you?" Miranda Bailey is also leaning against a nearby wall but remains quiet. Addison knows how Bailey feels about what she's about to do and it's annoying her that she even came in the first place if she was just going to stand there, silently judging her.

"If you didn't want to come Miranda then-"

"As your friend, I said I would be here, it doesn't mean that I'm for this nor does it mean that I agree," Addison lets out a huff of frustration as she rolls her eyes.

"Again, _if you didn't want to come_ -"

"Okay listen, am I on board with you marrying Derek again? No, but…I am your friend and if this makes you happy, then who the hell am I to stop you?" There's a sincerity in Bailey's eyes that makes Addison smile.

"Thank you, Miranda,"

"Just, be careful, Addison; I don't wanna see you get hurt again because we both know that somewhere down the line, Derek is bound to hurt you," Addison sighs heavily, glancing back at Callie and Amelia who are probably thinking the exact same thing.

"I know this is crazy but…it just feels, right. I know I'm taking a serious risk but, I feel that it's a risk worth taking," Callie gives Addison an encouraging smile as Amelia stares at her long and hard.

"I know you've got something to say Amelia so out with it,"

"I have nothing to say except if you change your mind, Charlotte's got the getaway car ready and…if Derek does anything stupid, I'm more than willing to kick his ass. You deserve to be happy Addie,"

"Thanks, Amelia,"

"Now let's go get you married dammit!"

6 Weeks Earlier…

By the time she looks at her watch, Meredith realizes that she's been talking to Finn for nearly two hours.

"Wow, I didn't even realize it's been that long!" She smiles easily as she takes another sip of her coke. It's not as strong as she'd like it to be but, it'll do the trick for now.

"Me either; it's been good catching up with you Mere," Finn reaches across the table to grab her hand but he thinks better of it; it doesn't go unnoticed by Meredith.

"Can I ask…"

"How'd I end up at the hospital?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind me asking,"

"My mom actually; she's been in ICU for a couple of days now,"

"Oh, I'm so sorry Finn," this time, Meredith is the one reaching across the table to grab Finn's hand; he doesn't stop her.

"Yeah she's…she's hanging on for now but, we don't expect her to live much longer; bad heart,"

"Has she talked to Teddy, I mean Dr. Altman?"

"She has; she's been on the transplant list for a while now plus, she's AB negative so…"

"I'm really sorry Finn,"

"…So, you said you were here because Derek's in the hospital?" Meredith sighs heavily, instantly feels guilt for being here with Finn when Derek's been waiting over two hours to see her.

"Yeah he uh, got into an accident a few hours ago,"

"You said something earlier about a baby dying…" Meredith sighs heavily and nods.

"Derek and I lost a daughter a few days ago; she'd been sick for about two weeks,"

"Wow, that's…I'm so sorry to hear that Meredith,"

"Thanks, we just buried her today and Derek decides to go and be stupid and try and join her," Finn lets out a slow breath.

"I wouldn't say he was trying to join her but, as a person who has experienced loss, not this same kind of course but, I've lost people who've made me feel like I wanted to die along with them," and there's something in his eyes that says he can relate more than he's willing to share right now.

"Have you, felt like that before?"

"I can't say I've had those exact feelings but, I have experienced a loss so painful that I didn't know how I was gonna get through it,"

She and Finn talk for at least another hour before Meredith feels strong enough to go and see Derek. She reaches across the table to shake his hand but he shakes his head.

"We've got far too much history for a handshake Meredith," Finn gives her an easy smile before moving around the table to hug her.

"Thank you, for listening,"

"No problem; I'm glad I could be here for you, and I'm sorry, about your daughter,"

"Thank you; so I'm gonna go now," Meredith feels things getting awkward so she removes herself from his embrace, though Finn reaches out and grabs her hand.

"I know this is weird and probably inappropriate since you're married to Derek and-"

"We're not married, not legally anyway," Meredith says as Finn tilts his head to the side.

"We decided to get married on a post-it; I wasn't ready for a commitment like that and Derek was…"

"Still hung up on Addison?" Finn gives Meredith a knowing smile as she rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"I can't really blame him; she is gorgeous and she did have two of his children,"

"Still, if he wanted to be married to her, he should've tried to make things work,"

"I complicated that for them," And with that Finn shakes his head, letting out a frustrated breath.

"No, you didn't; what you were was a woman who fell in love with a man who fell in love with her under false pretenses. Not only that but he continued to pursue you even after he'd gotten back with his wife. That wasn't fair to Addison, it wasn't fair to their kids, and it sure as hell wasn't fair to you," Meredith is a bit taken back by the seriousness of Finn's tone.

"I…I didn't know you felt-"

"I just didn't say it to you before but now that you're here again I just…you're a good woman Meredith, and you deserve better,"

Seattle, Present

She hasn't laughed this much in a long time. Her breath is coming out in long drags but she honestly feels great. Her legs feel like Jell-O and her heart is racing like hell but still, she feels fucking great. She pitches forward, resting her hands on the tops of her thighs, doing her best to take slow deep breaths.

"You okay?" Finn is jogging in place beside her, he's shirtless which only makes him hotter to her. The sun is beaming down on them but it's fine; even in this light Meredith Grey is most definitely enjoying her view.

"We can stop if you need to," Finn tells her, and he's such a sweetheart.

"No, I'm fine; I just haven't run four miles in…"

"Ever?" Finn gives her a knowing smirk before she bursts out laughing, nodding her head guiltily.

He helps her stand up straight, allowing her to lean against him as she stretches her hamstrings.

"Be honest with me Meredith, did you agree to this run so that you could avoid today?" She's still leaning against him and can feel the rapid beat of his heart.

"Sort of, but I really did wanna spend time with you," and she's honest; she really and truthfully did want to spend time with her.

"So it's partially because you like me and partially because you wanted to avoid seeing Derek and Addison on the day they get married again?"

"Yeah, that," and it stings, knowing that Derek and Addison are getting married again and she's here, stuck with her feelings. But she's trying to live with that every day. After all, she was the one who broke things off and she was the one who encouraged him to go chase after Addison. Meredith Grey may be a lot of things, but weak isn't one of them. She's going to stay in Seattle, finish out her residency program and then if things are too unbearable, she'll move, but not a minute sooner.

Meredith Grey is a survivor that's for sure.

oOo

"I can't believe she dumped me," Mark mutters as he stands in front of the mirror tying his tie.

"You should've known there would be sides picked in this Mark and…Lexie, I believe?" Naomi is standing off to the side helping Sam fix his tie.

"Yeah, her name's Lexie," Mark mutters.

"Right; Lexie is Meredith's younger sister, you should've known she'd pick her sister's side. Plus, that girl was 25, you had no business dating her anyways. Besides, she was old enough to be your daughter," Naomi chides as Sam sniggers.

"Nae, I think Mark learned his lesson," Derek laughs as he moves to stand beside his best friend.

"You ready to do this, _again_?" Mark asks, clapping Derek on the back.

"I just hope I don't screw it up; Carson's gone missing, Ryan isn't happy. Are we really doing the right thing?" Derek turns to face his best friend who places both hands on his shoulders.

"Okay, first of all, Carson's not missing; she's just…protesting you and Addison getting married again. And before you say anything else, she's fine; came home last night," Derek breathes a sigh of relief.

"Thank God, Addison's gonna be so relieved; what about Ryan, did you fix that too?" Derek smirks, causing Mark to grin.

"Way ahead of you buddy; Ryan is cool with you two getting back together, I talked to him about it last night," Derek looks up at Mark and shakes his head.

"How the hell did you manage to save the day?" Mark smirks proudly, teasing Derek with,

"Can you say that again, a little bit louder I didn't hear that? Did you just say that Mark Sloan saved the day?" Derek chuckles but obliges his friend.

"Yes, Mark, you saved the day; thank you. Now, what about you?"

"What about me?"

"I know you and Addie have some unresolved-"

"Derek, did I love Addison? Yes, I did, but I'm also not stupid enough to believe that anything could happen between us because for some reason she's still hung up on you. Red and I have made our peace with things; you've got nothing to worry about buddy. Just don't go being a workaholic and falling in love with younger women," Mark says jokingly, though Derek knows his words are laced with seriousness.

"The fact that she's even giving me a second chance is a miracle; I wouldn't dare go and screw it up, not after what I've done to both she and Meredith,"

"You're goddamn right you won't because you'll have a lot of people ready to kick your ass if you do,"

Six Weeks Ago

Carson has an addiction, or at least it feels that way. She's been sleeping with Michael for the past two weeks now and damn is it thrilling. She knows she's wrong because she's cheating on her boyfriend Drew, good and wonderful Drew, but there's something about Michael that just…

"Man, who knew you were such a kitten in the sack," Michael's breathing is heavy; they're at her house in the middle of the afternoon. Her mom is at the hospital doing round and more than likely tending to her dad. They're 'giving things another go', how fucking weak was that? After what he'd done to her mother, after what he'd done to Meredith? God, her mom could be such an idiot at times.

"Hey, you okay? You zoned out," Michael is leaning against her headboard staring at her.

"Yeah, I'm fine; you got any weed?" Michael leans forward to grab his pants when he sees Carson's phone light up with a text message.

"When are you gonna break up with him?" Michael pulls out a tiny baggie of weed which Carson immediately takes, pulling out a cut out piece of cardboard and a box of cigarettes from underneath her bed.

"I love Drew," Carson says resolutely as she begins the process of rolling their weed.

"Sure you do; you love him but you're fucking me on a regular," Michael sits back against the headboard.

"I'm fucking you because…because I like to, okay?" Carson doesn't look back at Michael, can almost sense his smug grin as she finishes rolling their weed.

"Whatever, shut up; you got a light?"

"You know I do,"

"Then light me the fuck up,"

Present:

"I cannot believe she's fucking marrying him!" Carson is lounging on the couch in the living room with Michael, her Seattle best friend Brooke, a guy name June, another girl named Casey, her other friends Olivia and Mariah and Michael's best friend Brad.

"Oh come on Montgomery, parents do this shit all the time; my mom's remarried my dad like five times," Casey says, leaning forward so Brad can light her joint.

"Five times? Damn girl, that's crazy!" Mariah's a mixed girl who lives down the block; her dad is a doctor too. He almost took a job at Seattle Grace but opted out for Seattle Pres; said it was much safer and filled with less drama.

"Oh come on, is it really that crazy? Elizabeth Taylor got married how many times?"

"Seven times," Casey says, cough a little bit; she'd hit the weed too hard.

"Exactly; at least every fucking celebrity has been married more than one time!" Brad argues before flopping back against the cushions.

"I think the point Carson's trying to argue is that her parents aren't famous people," Michael says; he's been sitting against the other couch quietly, though Carson hasn't missed the smoldering looks he's been giving her.

"But her parents are kinda famous; I mean, her mother's a Forbes. Let's not pretend that that's not famous. Plus, you can google her parents and their entire life story pops up," Olivia says as Carson shoots her a look.

"What? Carson girl, I love you but it's true," Olivia is Mariah's cousin; she goes to school across town but visits on the weekends.

"Why are we listening at Montgomery bitch and moan about her parents getting married? I don't know about you fools, but I'm just here for the weed and the coke, though I'm pretty sure her folks got some liquor in here too," June is a half Asian guy mixed with Black, though he doesn't go by June when he's with friends, he's just Jay then. He tries to act really tough, but his parents, his father in particular, doesn't want him embracing his blackness. So he tries to pull it off whenever he can.

"Sorry Jay, my mom doesn't drink anything but wine," Michael and Jay let out a groan while Brooke and the other girls cheer.

"Nothing wrong with wine! Well what the hell are you waiting for? Go grab us a bottle, not like your mom will miss it or anything," Carson laughs in agreement as she walks into the kitchen.

"Red or White?" She calls out to her friends as she stands there eying the wine rack.

"Both!" The girls call out with a giggle.

"You guys are such alcoholics!" Carson teases as she reaches for the bottles. Just as she's about to grab the glasses, her cell phone rings. Her heart sinks into her chest; it's Drew. Sighing heavily, she picks up the phone.

"Hey, Drew,"

"Carson, where the hell are you?" Drew sounds really angry for whatever reason.

"Drew, what's-" The sound of laughter makes him pause.

"Did you really blow me off, _blow off our anniversary,_ to-"

"Oh, shit; that's today?" Carson slaps her palm across the top of her forehead; she'd completely forgotten about it.

"Why am I still doing this Carson?" Drew says in a frustrated sigh on the other end of the phone that instantly makes her feel guilty.

"Drew, I-"

"Carson, hurry up! Mike brought some blow!" Brooke has poked her head into the kitchen to get her attention.

"…Michael? You're brushing me off to hang with fucking Michael? Michael, the coke head…you know what? I'm done, Carson," And even though she's been a total jerk to him these past few weeks, her heart seizes in her chest when he tells her that it's over.

"Drew, Drew please!"

"No, fuck you, Carson, you've been blowing me off for almost two months now, and don't think I haven't heard the rumors; are you screwing him?"

"Drew, babe, I'm sorry!" The tears are hot and fat as they roll down her cheeks; she tries her best to hold back her sobs. She really does feel bad about this.

"So you did, you did fuck him…dammit! So I guess now you're using too?"

"Drew…please don't tell on me; please don't tell my parents,"

"You can't even say you're sorry, can you? You hurt me, you cheat on me with this…I'm done, Carson. You're so selfish right now! All you care about, all you can think about is you; well I hope you're happy. Fuck you, I'm done,"

"Drew!"

"No. Don't call me, don't text me, and when you see me at school, you don't fucking know me are we clear?" He doesn't give her time to respond before he hangs up. She's been sobbing for at least ten minutes before she feels someone tugging her upper body away from the counter and toward them.

"No, Michael, stop it!" She knows it's him; she knows the way those hands feel, especially when he's high.

"C'mon, take a hit," He's got some blow on the top of his hand, offering it to her.

"No, please; I can't do this anymore," she shoves him aside and walks away from him.

"Drew doesn't know you like I do, he doesn't get what its like to use," Carson whirls around to face him, fury in her eyes.

"You fucking idiot, my boyfriend just broke up with me, because of you!" She's shoving at him though he's able to keep his balance.

"And he needed to! He doesn't get you like I get you, Carson,"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I know what it's like to grow up in a fucked up household,"

"My household isn't fucked up you idiot!"

"Oh, it's not? Your mother cheated on your father with his best friend; your dad then packed up and moved all the way to Seattle and started dating a younger woman. Your mom chased him out here and they tried to make it work, but he was already in love with the other woman. Your mom moved to LA, started dating another guy and things are good. Then, your dad gets shot, you find out that his new wife is having a baby. Your mom's boyfriend also gets shot and dies. Your mom suddenly decides to move back to Seattle. Your dad's baby with his second wife dies, your dad gets into another accident and now your parents are getting married again. If that's not fucked up then…"

"Shut up, shut up and leave me alone!" Carson's back is turned away from him as he walks toward her.

"I know a thing or two about fucked up families," Michael is reaching out with his other hand that's not covered in coke and caresses her cheek.

"When you live in a fucked up world, you need something to take the edge off," And once again, he's offering her the coke.

"I don't want it Mike; I don't wanna keep living like this,"

"Oh, so you wanna walk around feeling everything? You wanna keep remembering what happened to your dad, to your little sister? Do you wanna keep thinking and worrying about what bad thing is gonna happen next, or do you wanna not feel at all?" Michael has her trapped between the counter, still holding that hand out to her.

She wants to be weak, she wants to not feel things, but in the back of her mind she feels guilty about what she did to Drew, she feels guilty about how she's been treating her parents. She feels guilty about Kevin. The thoughts of guilt surround her, filling her mind with terrifying thoughts; fuck it, she's tired of feeling guilty. Just as she's about to take another hit, she hears someone knocking at the front door.

"Seattle Police, open up!"

 _Chapter 6 to follow…_

 **Things are about to get really interesting in the coming chapters!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I apologize for the long wait; my life has been a mess lately. Next weekend, I'll be graduating from college/university. It's a pretty big deal for me; if you've been following me since I started writing fanfiction about five years ago, I've had so many setbacks with finishing school. Now, though, it's FINALLY happening. I'll be receiving my Bachelor's Degree in Sociology with a concentration in Social Welfare. I started this chapter a long time ago, but between trying to finish up all of my assignments, find an outfit for graduation, decide whether or not I'm going to grad school in the fall, applying for jobs, etc. I got sidetracked. I've got a few chapters that are already written, including the final chapter. I'm all set to finish up classes this week, so I should have plenty of free time to brainstorm and write the next chapter. I'm so happy that people are still reading and following this story. It's one that's very close to my heart; I've been working on it for almost 6 years now. I love it so much and I really need to finish it because it's beautiful and painful and basically, I** _ **really**_ **love Derek and Addison. I've always found their dynamic to be interesting. Even though Addie has long moved on and Private Practice is over, even though Derek chose Meredith and he's now dead on the show, I still find these characters to be interesting and compelling. So as long as I still have ideas and unpublished stories, and as long as people continue to favorite and follow my work, I'll continue to post.**

 **I hope you all enjoy,**

 **Xx**

 **Trigger warning for brief mention of sex and drug use.**

* * *

Seattle, Six Weeks Ago

By the time she actually manages to leave Finn, she already knows what has to be done. She and Derek, they're over; have been for a while now. If she's honest, they were over the minute Addison showed up in Seattle. She knows that she should've ended things with him then, but she was so caught up in how he'd made her feel, of how he made her feel like he needed her. Still, if she had left him alone, no one would have faulted her. After all, he did lie to her, totally forget to tell her that he had an entire wife and two children back in New York.

That's probably why they couldn't work out; their relationship was built on a lie. No matter what had happened with Addison in New York, Derek should've been up front about his past. To her he was new and mysterious, someone who was kind, who understood her dark and twisty, who still came back to her despite everything. Still, though, she thinks that they could've worked out had she not had to find out about Addison, from, well, Addison. Her hand is shaking by the time she opens the door to Derek's room. He appears to have been waiting for her; she can see it in his eyes, he knows that it's over.

"We're over, aren't we?" Meredith doesn't bother coming into the room fully because she already knows the inevitable.

"I…"

"No, Derek, it's okay; our time was up a long time ago. We just never knew how to pull the plug," This time, she does come into the room and closes the door.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry," and why does this feel like déjà vu to her?

 _Meredith, I'm so sorry…Addison, what are you doing here?_

 _Well, you would know if you bothered to answer any one of my phone calls…Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd._

 **Shepherd** _?_

 _And you must be the woman that's been screwing my husband._

"So, you're choosing her then?" Meredith has made her way towards the bed, gently reaching out to grab Derek's hand.

"I…I was going to leave,"

"What?" Meredith takes a seat next to his bedside, because she can't be hearing him right, can she?

"I've been a mess for some time now; I was wrong, how I've treated you, how I treated Addison, my children; all of my children." Meredith sighs; this is going to be harder than she thought, because in the middle of all of this, in the midst of these sudden changes, no one has ever stopped and asked Derek if he's okay. So, she asks him,

"Derek, are you okay?" He looks at her as though she's speaking a foreign language to him.

"What?"

"I said are you okay; everyone's been so focused on Addison and I during well, everything that's happened in the last five and half years that, nobody really stopped and asked you if you were okay. So are you, are you okay?" He's pensive, really seems to be thinking it over, really contemplating it.

"I wasn't there," it's a quiet murmur, a whisper of a thing but she hears it nonetheless.

"What?"

"I said I wasn't there,"

"You mean with Addison?"

"I'd checked out on our marriage a long time ago I think, I think we moved too fast. I mean, we'd barely been dating two years when she got pregnant with Carson. We were so young, barely out of med school. My mother, she felt that Addie was…she said she wasn't good enough and Addison's parents well, thank God she doesn't communicate with them very often. Still, I loved her, she, she made me feel things; it was like-"

"Coming up for fresh air?" Meredith understands now, she became what Addison initially was to him; a breath of fresh air.

"Yeah,"

"You seem to need that a lot, a breath of fresh air I mean. What's to stop you from needing it after you grow tired of Addison or me if you choose me, again?"

"Mere-"

"You're a very closed off man Derek, that's something I always envied about Addison, she just got you. She saw sides of you that I was never able to pry open,"

"It's why we fought so much when we were married; she pried too much," Derek gives Meredith an easy smile that she cautiously returns.

"So you chose me because…"

"You didn't, you wanted me, just me, in those moments we were together. You didn't push; you wanted nothing past what was in front of you,"

"And if I had pushed, said I'd wanted more?"

"That's always been our problem; we've never been on the same page,"

And he's right; they were for a little while but then Addison showed up with Archer and then after she was gone, Derek wanted things that Meredith didn't. Derek wanted a family, a chance to start over, to make up for what he'd lost with Addison and their children.

"Did you ever want marriage with me?"

"Mere of course I-"

"No, I know I wasn't ready but, did you want to marry me because you loved me or-"

"This is why I didn't wanna do this; Meredith, I loved you, I do love you, I don't ever want you to think that because I'm in love with Addison…." He doesn't finish his sentence; Meredith follows his line of sight and he sees it, Addison is standing in the doorway and she's just heard his confession.

"I should-"

"No, I'll go," Addison's eyes are full of hurt and something else Meredith can't quite gauge.

"Addison, you should stay; this conversation involves you too," She pauses for a moment, locking eyes with only Meredith before she carefully makes her way into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Addison-"

"No," Addison shakes her head and Meredith watches her, studies the body language between the two exes and suddenly it hits her.

"You still love him too,"

"No, I don't I-"

"It's okay, Addison; he's hurt us both but you two aren't over one another. It's clear to everyone but the two of you," She always knew in the back of her head that the day would come when she'd be done with Derek Shepherd and she expected to fight harder, to feel something, sadness, anger. However, in this moment she feels…peace.

Meredith knew that from the minute Addison sauntered into Seattle that she didn't stand a chance, but still, she knew that Derek was the one for her and that she should at least try and fight for him, and she did. She'd won, he'd chosen her over Addison in the end but, the victory wasn't as fulfilling as she'd thought it would be. Now five years later she asks herself was Derek what she really wanted? Did Derek make her happy? Over the years she's noticed that her life slowly began to revolve around him, as though she had to be his sun. Being the sun in a relationship wasn't healthy, but that was what their relationship had come, a give and take of sorts, a competition to see whose light shined brighter. That wasn't what she wanted, that wasn't who she was cut out to be.

"He never got over you," Meredith shakes her head slowly as she looks between the two lovers.

"It's why he wasn't honest with me when we met. He never told me about you, about your kids. He felt like if he could pretend that you didn't exist, that what happened in New York-"

"Meredith, that's not-" Derek sighs heavily as he runs a hand through his hair.

"I understand Derek; you were hurt and I was your breath of fresh air. I was what you needed, in that moment. I knew that when Addison showed up I should've walked away, but I'd grown so invested in you that, I put what you needed and what you wanted ahead of myself. I tried telling myself that if I was just your friend that…I was selfish and stupid and I ruined any real chance of you making your marriage work,"

"Meredith…" This time, it's Addison speaking and Meredith smiles at her, it's a sad smile but she gets it. She understands how Addison feels.

"He said you pushed; that was why you fought so much, back in New York," Addison's eyes immediately water.

"Derek needs that in his life, someone to push him, someone who's willing to dig their heels into the sand and fight. I didn't dig in, I didn't ask questions even though I wanted to know, I just, I adjusted myself and became what he needed, in that moment. And while he enjoyed it, he still longed for me to dig in and fight, but I never did. That's why I'm telling you to give him another chance. I'm bowing out gracefully,"

"Meredith-" Addison is trying again and Meredith does something surprising; she walks up to her and takes hands into her own and smiles at her.

"It's okay to be afraid; he probably hurt you a lot more than he hurt me, but you're what he needs. You don't fight to be his sun, you don't fight to see whose light shines the brightest. You've got over 20 years and two kids with him, nobody knows Derek Shepherd better than you do,"

"So you're just…walking away?" Addison stares at Meredith, really stares at her.

"No, I'm letting the better woman win, Derek…don't hurt her again," With that, Meredith Grey walks over to Derek's bedside and gives him one last kiss before walking out of his life, this time for good.

oOoOo

Carson is screwed, she's totally screwed.

She runs a hand through her hair as she glances back at Mike; they're in her house, slightly tipsy with weed and coke on hand.

All of which is illegal and they're underage.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," Carson is pacing back and forth; this is bad, really, really bad.

"Seattle Police, open up!" The cops are at the door, her other friends are in the living room scared shitless.

"What the fuck are we gonna do Carson?" Michael is looking at her as if this is her problem.

"Shit, quick, light some incense, and hide the alcohol and weed!" Somehow, she manages to keep her cool as she walks to the front door.

"Hi, how can I help you?" Her heart is beating rapidly in her chest, her eyebrow raised in typical Addison Montgomery fashion.

"We got a call about noise disturbance, and possible illegal activity," There are two officers, a tall White officer, and a Hispanic officer. Carson looks at the Hispanic cop; he's cute, brown curly hair, a nice looking body from what she can see from his well-fitted uniform.

"We were playing loud music and it probably disturbed the neighbors; my parents are…downtown and I decided to have some friends over," She's got a gut feeling that the White cop doesn't believe her. God, she needs a miracle; because if these cops try and search her house, she's totally fucked. If she thinks that her parents have been bitching at her lately, finding out that their good liquor is gone and that their daughter has been smoking weed and almost did coke, well, she'd never hear the end of it.

Her savior comes in the form of one Officer Dominic Morales.

"Next time, keep it down…and if you are doing anything illegal; you might wanna make sure your front blinds are closed,"

Shit, shit, shit, shit. She hadn't been thinking about the curtains in the living room. No wonder it was so easy for them to be spotted. Carson grimaces at the other officer, Nathan Dudley; he seems like a hard ass but still, he doesn't rat them out or attempt to arrest them.

"He's right; besides, it'd be a bad look for Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Montgomery to find out that we had to haul their kid in for underage drinking and drug possession," Ah, so that's why he'd been so quiet; he knows her parents.

This is the one time she's thankful for her family name.

"Right; it won't happen again officers," With that, the two make their way back toward their squad car. Though Carson doesn't miss the look Officer Morales gives her, though that sexy look is quickly pushed to the back of her mind when she notices an all too familiar car parked across the street from her house.

Drew.

oOoOo

The courthouse was full, so they're running late for work, which is fine because there are thankfully no emergencies today. It's just after 10, no one should be in any kind of major crisis at this hour. Their friends are still there-Callie, Bailey, Amelia (who'd managed to get Charlotte King of all people to come with her), and Mark. She's sitting next to Derek, holding his hand; he's about as nervous as she is.

"You ready to say 'I Do' for the second time?" Derek's voice is but a soft murmur in her ear when he asks the question.

"I…is this really what we want Derek? It's barely been six weeks since you and Meredith-"

"Meredith requested to be taken off of my service," Addison looks at him strangely.

"Is this because-"

"Yes and no; she said while she liked Neuro, her heart has always been in general surgery; she's been reading her mother's diaries,"

"Ah, well that makes sense," Derek gives Addison's hand a little squeeze of reassurance.

"We could send them all home, go hop on a plane and get married in Cancun if you want. I only want what makes you happy, Addie," Addison leans forward to give Derek a kiss.

"This is what makes me happy; I just wish our children were-"

"Ryan's fine with it; he spent the night at Buckley's last night, Mark talked to him,"

"And Carson?" Addison raises an eyebrow at Derek; Carson is still a sore spot for them.

"Mark said she came home this morning after we left, he said she's not happy about it but-"

"I'm worried about her Derek," Addison sighs, causing Derek to wrap an arm around her.

"She's 17 Addie; she's been through a lot lately and-"

"No, Derek…Carson hasn't been okay since the shooting. She's been…well, not out of control but, a bit reckless with her behavior as of late," Derek chuckles, pressing a quick kiss to Addison's lips.

"She's a lot like her Amy was at 17, though minus the hard drugs and stealing my car, crashing it, and overdosing for two minutes," Addison's stomach tightens at the comparison to Amelia. She's been hesitant to tell Derek about Carson's…habit. It's something she and Carson don't discuss; because Montgomery's look the other way. Still, though she has yet to tell Carson that she found her stash of Xanax, Percocet, Demerol, and Adderall. She'd much rather not have a run in like she did when she first discovered her doing drugs a few weeks ago.

Three Weeks Ago

She's kept it a secret, the fact that Derek proposed again; he and Meredith haven't been broken up that long but still, the fact that he'd proposed to her was, sweet. It's taken her some time, to get used to the fact that Derek wanted this, wanted them, again. She's still scared that the walls will eventually come crashing down around her. Despite that, she hears Derek's voice in her head.

 _We owe it to ourselves and to our children to give things another try_.

It's that reason alone that she's decided to tell Carson that she and Derek are getting married again. Today is her off day and after she dropped Ryan off at school, she decided to run a few errands before heading home to look over patient files. She's surprised to find a fancy sports car parked in her front yard. Carson had left for school just moments before she and Ryan left the house. Her motherly instincts are telling her that Carson skipped school; she'd tried it a couple of times in LA, before the shooting. The house is quiet when she opens the front door, though her eyes are trained on the Eastside Prep uniforms strewn about her staircase. It makes her heart drop for a second; this must be what Derek felt the night he caught her with Mark. Carefully, Addison makes her way up the grand staircase, knowing that what she's going to find is bad, but what she isn't expecting to find is her daughter lying in bed with a half-clothed boy that is not her boyfriend snorting a white substance.

"Carson Danielle Shepherd!" Her voice is raised, shrill almost, and it's enough to make them both look up, eyes wide with fear.

"Mom! What are you, what are you doing home!?" The boy is carefully trying to gather his things and make a hasty exit, all the more reminding her of how Mark left her to deal with Derek alone.

"No, you stay right there; who the hell are you?" Addison has the boy cornered near Carson's bedroom and the glare in her eyes is menacing, enough to make the boy gulp nervously.

"Uh, my name is Michael, Michael Donoghue, Dr. Montgomery,"

"What the hell are you doing with my daughter? You do realize you have a boyfriend right?" Addison turns to look at Carson, who's had the decency to put on some clothes.

"You are still dating Drew, right?"

"Yeah mom, Drew's still my boyfriend," Carson is pulling her hair back into a ponytail, something she does when she's really nervous or scared.

"So if Drew's your boyfriend, what the hell are you doing with him and what the hell is that smell? Is that…are you, smoking weed?"

"Mom, I-" Addison doesn't say anything else to Carson, instead she rounds on the boy, Michael.

"Go, get out of my house and if I catch you here again I'll call the police and have your ass arrested for possession of drugs. Do I make myself clear?" Michael gulps but slowly nods.

"And you're to never contact my daughter ever again, understood?" Michael nods before scurrying out of Carson's room and presumably out of her house.

"Mom I can't believe you just-"

"What the hell, Carson!? Skipping school? Skipping school, smoking weed, having sex with a boy that isn't your boyfriend, hell, having sex at all, not to mention the…please tell me it's not cocaine," Addison bites her lip, trying desperately not to cry. How could she have missed the signs?

"Mom, it's-"

"Is it coke Carson? Because if it's coke so help me God I will haul your ass off to rehab so fast-"

"It's not mom, I swear!"

"Well, what the hell is it?!"

"It's…prescription drugs,"

And suddenly, her whole world stops; her baby girl was following down the same dangerous path as Amy.

"Mom, I can explain-"

"No, you can't; because as of this moment, you're grounded, don't ask me for how long, because right now I'm liable to say for the rest of your goddamned life. There will be no cell phone, no laptop, no going out with friends, your driving privileges are revoked-"

"But mom, what about work and school?"

"I'll drive you to school and work; I'm going to be calling your school periodically to make sure you're where you're supposed to be at all times," Carson lets out a huff of indignation.

"You can't be serious!"

"Are you…are you kidding me?! I come home to find out not only have you skipped school, but you're cheating on your boyfriend, not to mention that you're on drugs!"

"Mom, it's not drugs-"

"Don't you realize that this is how Amelia started out!? She did the exact same thing and-"

"I am not Amelia! It was, it was just this one time mom, I swear! I just…it was stupid and dumb and I'm sorry but don't say I'm Aunt Amy because I wasn't stupid enough to go out and steal my brother's car and get so high that I crash it and overdose and die for two minutes!"

"You may not have done that, but it doesn't mean that you can't Carson. Why didn't you…is this because of everything that's happened, with your father and with Emily dying?" Carson sighs heavily and shakes her head.

"Mom, I'm fine,"

"Bullshit, people who are fine don't engage in self-destructive behaviors!"

"Whoa, you're one to talk, especially with the way you drink,"

"My drinking-"

"You drink because it's Tuesday and because you lost a patient; don't forget how much you drunk after dad left you; I practically raised myself," Addison can't stop herself; her hand is flying across Carson's face before she knows it.

The room goes still as mother and daughter stare at one another, both having said things they didn't mean; but the damage had been done. Addison opens her mouth to speak but decides better of it. Because while she regrets hitting her daughter, she's still angry that Carson could be so stupid, so reckless with her life. She murmurs a quiet 'I'm sorry' before walking away.

She doesn't have a drink, even though that's her first instinct. Instead, she locks herself away in her office and focuses on her patient files.

She never gets to tell Carson about she and Derek's engagement.

oOoOo

"Addie? Addie?" Derek is gently patting her arm to get her attention. She blinks a couple of times to snap her out of her thoughts of Carson.

"Where'd you go?" Derek's smile is infectious that she can't help but smile back at him.

"Nothing, I was just thinking," Addison reaches out to tenderly cup his cheek.

"I hope they were good thoughts,"

"They were,"

"Well then; they just called our names. Let's go get married," Derek stands up, extending a hand to hers and for a second, Addison pauses. She loves Derek, she really does, but her gut is telling her that marrying him again will have dire consequences, ones that their daughter will pay for.

"Addison?"

"I'm fine; I've just got wedding jitters, that's all," She stands up, looking Derek in his eyes.

"I told you if you're not ready then-"

"It's not that I'm not ready I'm just…I'm worried about Carson," Derek sighs, pulling her close.

"If it'll make you feel better, we'll sit down and talk to her when we get home. And if we need to, we can go get some counseling, all of us, as a family. Does that sound good?" Addison closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Family counseling, why hadn't she thought of that before?

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," she nods as Derek's smile turns into a grin.

"Good, now can we go get married? I'm kind of excited about having you as my wife, again," Addison lets out a sigh, doing her best to rid herself of any negative, nervous energy before pressing a kiss to Derek's lips.

"Let's go get married,"

 _Chapter 7 to follow…_

* * *

 **Things are about to start moving pretty quickly in the coming chapters. Derek still has NO idea what's been going on with Carson, which is going to cause problems for he and Addison, especially now that they're married. As I said before, this story is gonna get REALLY heavy, but there is a happy ending; the final chapter is very light and I think you all will thoroughly enjoy it. Also, Carson is going to hit rock bottom very soon, so don't worry about her too much. Also, you're gonna see a couple of the PP characters in the next couple of chapters as well as a MAJOR PP storyline! If you're a MerDer fan, I'm sorry that I broke them up. Also, I hope that I did Meredith justice as far as her walking away from Derek. This isn't the last you'll be seeing of her, I promise! She's gonna get her happy ending as well.**

 **Thank you all so much for reading,**

 **Xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Trigger warning for suicide attempt, drug use, and abortion reference.**

* * *

"Can you believe that Derek and Addison are married again?" Mark is standing next to Callie as they watch Derek and Addison quietly exchange vows before sharing a kiss.

"I know; I think that's gonna take some time to get used to; do you think she'll go back to using Montgomery-Shepherd?" Callie's head is tilted to the side as she watches the judge shake Derek and Addison's hand.

"Nah, I doubt it, especially since no one outside of the hospital and Oceanside Wellness knows that they're together," Amelia is standing next to Charlotte King, a small smile on her face.

"You don't think your mom knows that they're-"

"My mom may have made a mends with Addie but I highly doubt she'd be okay with them getting married so soon after Emily died,"

"None of that matters right now because the Chief just paged us all," Bailey says, signaling to Derek and Addison who quickly give their thanks to the judge.

"So…" Derek sheepishly smiles at Bailey, who immediately frowns at him.

"I'm pretty sure you two's secret is out," Bailey says nothing more, she simply turns on her heels and walks away.

"Richard probably figured something was up when none of us came into work," Addison murmurs.

"Relax Addie, it'll be fine; what's the worst that Richard could do?" Derek gives her arm a light squeeze as they prepare to leave the courthouse.

oOoOo

"You mean to tell me you two decided to sneak off with three of my best surgeons and elope!?" Of course, Richard demanded that Derek and Addison, along with Bailey, Callie, Mark, Amelia, and Charlotte meet him in the conference room once they stepped foot on the premises.

" 'What the worst that Richard could do'?" Addison's tone is mocking, as reminds Derek of his words from earlier. Richard seemed to be more high strung now that he'd returned to his duties as Chief of Surgery.

"Well Derek, Addison, I'm waiting?" Derek glances over at Addison and takes a deep breath.

"It was my idea Richard; Addie and I have been…together for a while and-"

"When the hell did this happen?" The expression on Richard's face is enough to make Derek cringe.

"It happened a little while after Meredith broke up with me,"

"Is that why she transferred off your service and onto Bailey's?"

"Yes,"

"And it had nothing to do with you and Addison 'getting back together'" Richard uses air quotes on 'getting back together' and it pisses Addison off.

"Richard, are you suggesting that I cheated with Derek while he was with Meredith?" Richard sighs heavily.

"Addie, of course, that's not what I-"

"No, you implied it by using air quotes around 'getting back together',"

"Addie, I didn't mean it like that but…can you blame me?"

"Yes, I can blame you; for the record, Meredith decided to break up with Derek, I had no idea what was going on until I walked in on their breakup and Meredith telling me that I should give Derek another chance," There are hot tears on Addison's cheeks as she pushes her chair away from the table.

"If you'll excuse me, I have patients to see," Richard sighs heavily, leaning forward and resting his hands on the table in front of him.

"Derek, you know that's not how I-"

"Tell that to Addison," Derek is trying to rein in his temper; he knows Richard meant no harm by what he said, but he can't stand seeing Addison upset. With that, he stands up and goes to check on his wife.

"…So, if the rest of us aren't in trouble…" Mark grins sheepishly at the chief who rolls his eyes.

"I'm assuming that you two will want surgical privileges?" The chief is looking at Amelia and Charlotte when he speaks.

"If you've got any good neuro cases then I'm all for it; I'm pretty sure Derek's gonna be busy trying to get Addison to calm down," Amelia has made herself comfortable in the conference room, propping her feet up on the table, though Charlotte promptly slaps her legs, causing her to place them on the ground.

"Uh, Dr. King; Addison tells me that you're a urologist, I've got a pretty interesting case I could use a consult on," Charlotte smiles gratefully for the distraction.

"I can take a look; that is if your chief-"

"You've got full surgical privileges," With that Charlotte stands and follows Dr. Bailey out of the conference room.

"So does that mean I'm cleared for surgery as well?" Amelia grins hopefully as Richard sighs.

"Go ahead," Amelia is up on her feet and headed to get her temporary badge in seconds.

"I'm surprised at you Torres; you knew-"

"I only found out they were doing this last night chief," Callie shrugs her shoulders and heads to check on her patients.

"Sloan, before you leave I want a word with you," Mark sighs heavily but remains seated.

"I want you to be honest Sloan, is this thing between them the real deal or…"

"Addison never stopped loving Derek, and I'm pretty damn sure he never stopped loving Addison,"

"But he was in a relationship with Meredith for years."

"I know that too, but their problems stem longer than that. You can't just erase 20 plus years of being with someone, you know that better than anybody," Richard sighs heavily; he does know all too well about what Addison and Derek are going through. He and Adele have been in a constant back and forth about the state of their marriage for probably as long as Addison and Derek, if not longer.

"I'm worried about them Sloan, I'm worried about how this will affect Carson and Ryan, plus Derek and Meredith just lost a child. Isn't it a bit…insensitive for the two of them to-"

"Meredith broke up with Derek; she's already seeing the vet again,"

"You mean Finn," Mark nods.

"What about Carson and Ryan?"

"Carson's…they're worried for her honestly; she hasn't been the same since the shooting," Mark leans back in his chair as he thinks about his goddaughter.

"And they think that getting married will-"

"This was going to happen, whether Carson was okay or not. Even if the shooting hadn't occurred, they would've still found their way back to one another," Richard sighs at that.

"You're right about that but still, Carson and Ryan have a lot to adjust to…again,"

"Tell me about it," Mark mutters.

oOoOo

Carson breathes a sigh of relief as she watches the police drive away. She knows that they should've been arrested today but for some reason, they were saved. Still, though, Drew's car is still parked across the street from her house.

"Whew! That was close," Mike has wrapped an arm around her shoulder and her friends seem to be calming down a bit, easily lighting back up their joints.

"Get out," Carson's voice is quiet, but Michael tilts his head to look at her.

"Carson-"

"Get out, all of you get out, grab your shit and get the fuck out," She doesn't miss the murmurs and complaints but her friends all leave. She waits until they've pulled out of the driveway before heading across the street to Drew's car.

"What the hell, Drew?" Carson is fuming as she stands there, clad in a pair of white cut-off American Eagle shorts and a black tank top.

"What the hell, Carson?" Drew is nonchalant, his seat leaned back slightly; the latest Drake single is playing on the radio.

"I can't believe you ratted me out to the cops like that," Drew scoffs and shakes his head.

"I was actually coming to try and talk some sense into you but I saw your neighbors here staring out the window; they called the cops, not me" Carson sees her neighbors, The Williamsburg's; they're an older rich White couple who aren't keen on the fact that their precious neighborhood is becoming more and more integrated.

"Why are you-"

"I'm here because, because as much as I hate you for cheating on me and being on drugs-"

"I'm not on drugs Drew!"

"You're in denial Carson…you're screwing a well-known drug dealer at our school…don't think I haven't heard about the kids you've been hanging around," Carson sighs heavily, scuffing the toe of her flip flops on the concrete.

"Can we, can we talk about this, please? Drew, I still love you but…I'm fucked up right now. I never, ever meant to hurt you but…I've just been so messed up since my dad's shooting and-"

"You need help, Carson, and I can't give that to you," tears well up in Carson's eyes.

"Drew, please, I love you, and I know you love me too," Drew's eyes are filled with tears as he sadly shakes his head.

"I'm sorry Carson, but I can't…I love you, but you're too far gone for me to help you," With that, Drew sadly rolls up his window and pulls away.

oOoOo

Despite Richard's words, Addison has been having a good day. Her work load has been minimal, doing two C-Sections and checking on a couple of preemies. She's rounding the corner for another break when she runs into Meredith Grey, causing the entire floor to grow deadly silent.

Everyone's heard that Meredith and Derek broke up and that shortly after Addison and Derek got back together. To say that she's the most hated person in the hospital (again) is putting it nicely.

"Dr. Grey, how are you?" Addison's body language is tense, which is completely obvious to everyone around them.

"Dr. Montgomery," Meredith gives her a nod, though she pauses to look at the very large, very expensive princess cut diamond ring on Addison's hand. Addison notices the exact moment Meredith notices the ring. Addison takes a deep breath, hoping to God that Meredith doesn't say anything about it. Meredith simply stares at the ring for a few moments; finally, after what feels like an eternity, she gives Addison a smile.

"Uh, Dr. Bailey told me that you've got a preemie with gastroschisis? I was hoping to assist you on the surgery; I need to get all of the practice I can get since I've switched to general surgery,"

To say Addison is dumbfounded is an understatement. She knows that Meredith knows that she and Derek got married today; she'd known about it long before seeing the ring. She was all but expecting Meredith to call her Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, or to at least offer her some sort of congratulations, in a manner that would draw attention to the fact that she and Derek got married again. But Meredith Grey continues to amaze her.

"Uh, sure; the surgery's not for a couple more days; I'm watching the baby's breathing and heart rate but I will let you know the second I book my OR. Maybe you can close?" Meredith smiles in some sort of understanding and nods,

"I'd like that," Meredith says nothing more before walking away.

"Wow, I guess she really has moved on," Callie had been standing a few feet away and walked over to Addison once the exchange was over.

"Yeah, I guess she has,"

oOoOo

She's shaking; it's five o'clock and her parents will be home soon. She knows that they'll want to talk to her about them getting married today but, she doesn't quite feel like talking. In fact, she doesn't feel like doing anything. Michael was right, it's hard to keep feeling everything; she was tired of hurting and being hurt. She's kept a tiny stash of coke Michael has no idea she stole from him. She wants to quit hurting, she wants to quit feeling. She wants to stop hurting the people she loves, her parents, her brother, Drew. But most of all she's tired of carrying around this huge burden that nobody knows about; she had an abortion three weeks ago.

Somehow, in the midst of all of the chaos and sex and drugs, she hadn't been careful. It's ironic, right? The daughter of an OBGYN (not just any OBGYN, but perhaps one of the greatest OBGYN's of the 21st century) gets pregnant. Of course, her mother had had the talk with her ages ago, especially after she got caught having sex with Michael the night her of her father's accident. Since then she's been especially hard on her, not hard per say, but she's been all up in Carson's business about her sex life. Sure she's grateful that her mother didn't tell her father but, she did require Carson go see an OB on a regular basis.

But when she got pregnant, there was no way in hell she was going to tell her doctor. Her doctor knew her mother (but what OB in America didn't love her mother and practically worship the ground she walked on?), and because she was a minor, she knew her mother would find out. She knew she wasn't ready for a baby at her age, besides, she wasn't even sure who the father was. All she knew was that four pregnancy tests and a piss test at a local urgent care confirmed her worst fear; she was pregnant.

So, Carson did what she had to do; she found a friend, who knew a friend who knew an OB who scored her the abortion pill. She took it, followed the instructions to a T (her mother has performed countless abortions; she knows how these things work), told her mother that she'd caught some sort of stomach flu and was allowed to miss a couple of days of school. No one was the wiser and that was how she liked to keep things. Still, though, all of this, nearly being caught by the cops, Drew knowing her secrets and breaking up with her-on their anniversary of all days, her parents getting remarried, losing her sister, nearly losing her father twice, losing Kevin, it was suddenly all too much.

She'd never thought about committing suicide until recently, though she never told a soul. They were just thoughts at first, but the thoughts soon became actions, small things like playing with knives when no one was watching, or nicking her leg while shaving a time or two. Sometimes, she'd get really bold and pour way too many pills into her hand when she was getting high, but she'd quickly back off because she didn't wanna become a cliché like her Aunt Amelia, the one thing both her parents feared most. Sometimes, she'd mix her pills with alcohol if she really wanted to be taken away.

Today though, she just wants to sleep.

After the shooting, her mother went to therapy with Sheldon and did Skype sessions with Aunt Kathleen while she was in Seattle. She also knows that her mother had a hard time sleeping for a few weeks after the accident and was prescribed a bottle of Thorazine; she also got prescribed some Ambien after her sister's death and her father's accident. She carefully makes her way into her mother's bathroom and grabs both bottles from the medicine cabinet; Ryan is home but he's in his room playing video games so he won't notice that she's…

She carefully locks the door to her room; she doesn't want her parents or Ryan to see her like this. Her father has a 20-year-old bottle of scotch that she stole from the nearly empty liquor cabinet downstairs. She's got his favorite glass and pours herself a generous amount. She'd been reading that book 13 Reasons Why and knew that she didn't wanna take the Hannah Baker way out and leave a long list of tapes listing the reasons and the people who were responsible for her death; there was no one to blame for what was about to happen except her. Instead, she leaves individual notes to everyone-her parents, her brother, Drew, Uncle Mark, Uncle Archer, Grandma Carolyn, her Aunt Amelia, her best friend in LA. She wrote out what she wanted done with her body, who to leave her things to, an unofficial will of sorts. She's tired of hurting and she's tired of causing the people she loves pain.

It's simple really; she's going to drink the scotch and down a few of her mom's sleeping pills along with the last of her stash of Percocet's, Adderall, Xanax bars and her tiny bag of coke she stole from Michael. She's always been a genius when it came to science, so she knows that this is a deadly combination. She only hopes that it's not painful. She glances over at the clock, her parents should be just now leaving the hospital headed home. She's lucky that her father built their house on his property on Bainbridge Island, so by the time her parents make it home, it'll be too late, which is exactly what she wants.

She'd taken a shower after talking with Drew, had cleaned the house spotless, putting on extra air fresheners and opening the patio doors to make sure her parents wouldn't notice the strong stench of weed. She'd greeted Ryan when he got home from school, being extra kind to him, which made him look at her like she'd grown a third head, especially when she helped him with his homework. She even played a couple video games with him before telling him she was tired and going to lie down, but not without apologizing for how she'd been acting since their dad got shot last year. Ryan of course willingly accepted his sister's apology. She'd sometimes wished that her parents had another boy so that Ryan wouldn't have to look up to her so much, lest she continue to disappoint him.

She's sitting in bed, cell phone in hand as she glances over at the expanse of pills, coke, and scotch sitting on her nightstand. It's in that moment that she pauses, thinks about what she's about to do. Fat tears roll down her cheeks as she takes slow, deep breaths; she's having a panic attack…this was one of the main reasons why she was doing this, she didn't like feeling as if she weren't in control of her actions, of her body. Once she'd calmed down enough, Carson placed her cell phone on the other nightstand, powering it off so that she'd have no excuse to not go through with her plan.

She's crying when she picks up the glass of scotch, gulping it down and then picking up the entire bottle and drinking some more. She climbs out of bed and snorts up the coke, allowing it a few moments to get into her blood stream. Almost immediately she feels high, but this is better than normal. In this experience, she feels like she's floating, but unfortunately, her emotions are still running high. She can hear the voices in her head, her own voice, trying to tell her why this is wrong. She shakes her head, taking gulp after gulp of her father's scotch before the bottle falls to the ground and breaks, spilling scotch all over her bare feet. The scotch has aged significantly, so it's more powerful than she'd been expecting it to be, enough to where she's a staggering mess. Apparently, the crash has alerted Ryan to her door.

"Carson, what's going on?" She can hear him, but her voice is far to slurred for her to respond properly.

"Carson, c'mon, you're scaring me; are you okay?"

Again, she's trying to stumble towards the door, but she steps on a sharp shard of glass, letting out an expletive.

"Carson, open the door,"

"Go'way Ryan!" Her speech is slurred when she speaks, her heart is pounding in her chest as she watches through blurry eyes as Ryan tries to jiggle the door handle.

He can't come in, she doesn't want him to see her like this-a drunk, high, bleeding mess. Most importantly, she doesn't want her parents to find her like this. She doesn't wanna hurt them anymore or cause them anymore pain. Though her vision is still blurry, she can see the pills on her nightstand. She staggers towards the nightstand, blindly opening the bottles and pouring out pills, so many that they fall onto the floor. Though the bottle of scotch is shattered on her bedroom floor, there's a bottle of wine she'd kept stashed away that she grabs. She's on the floor a complete sobbing mess as she downs the pills and drinks the wine from the bottle. Instantly, her mind becomes fuzzy, the sounds quickly beginning to fade away as her body begins to relax into what she's sure is an eternal sleep. The wine glass quickly falls from her hand, rolling onto the floor, mixing with the spilled scotch. She doesn't make it to the bed like she'd planned, she simply collapses onto the floor, hitting her head on a sharp corner of the bed before blacking out completely. The last thing she remembers are people shouting her name…

 _Chapter 8 to follow…_

 **I apologize for the long wait; real life has kept me busy. I'm also sorry for how dark this chapter got, I hadn't planned on any of this but, this is where my muse took me. I knew initially that I wanted Carson to overdose or either have an overdose scare, but not in this chapter. Also, I didn't plan for the abortion thing, but it makes super good conflict for something else that's coming in another chapter. When I wrote it, it made sense, seeing as she was having unprotected sex with both her boyfriend Drew and Michael while she was using drugs. I was eventually going to have Carson go on a binge and then enter rehab and do therapy but this, this works a bit better actually. As I've stated in previous author's notes, the last chapter has been written, along with a couple other chapters and scenes, but those are pretty far away. I'm still sort of working my way up to the big stuff. For all of you Meredith lovers, I hope that my portrayal of her has done her justice. She's not exactly over Derek, but she's in the process of moving on. She's not going to completely disappear from the story and yes, she is going to end up with Finn the vet, but that' not until later. She and Finn are…reconnecting. As far as Carson's fate, well, you'll just have to read the next chapter to see what happens. (Don't worry, she's gonna live!)**

 **Xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Trigger warning for drug use, attempted suicide, and mentions of an abortion; we're going dark people, really, really dark.**

"17 year-old-Carson-Shepherd, possible OD victim; unresponsive in the field, BP was thready and weak; she went into cardiac arrest twice en route. CPR was performed for near 10 minutes to get the heart back in rhythm…she's barely hanging on," Jill the paramedic is rattling off information to the trauma team while simultaneously performing CPR as Carson is transported into trauma bay four.

"Did you pump her stomach?" Chief Webber is yelling out orders to everyone in the room while talking to Jill; Alex Karev has taken over chest compressions.

"We didn't get the chance to before she went into arrest…again," Jill is sweating, though she glances back at Carson.

"Be honest Jill, what are her chances?"

"There's no telling how long she'd been unconscious from the time she was found until the paramedics arrived," Richard sighs heavily.

"I need to be able to tell her parents something; this child is practically my grandchild. Her parents are-" Jill glances back at Carson one final time and sighs once again.

"I know who they are; I'd tell them to hope for the best, but still expect the worst. I've seen a lot OD cases but this is one of the worst. Most teenagers do it to get attention or because they're parents are filthy rich and don't give a damn but this girl…" Jill shakes her head and sighs, giving Richard a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before exiting the trauma room.

50 Minutes Earlier

11 year-old Ryan Shepherd has been perhaps the most quiet about all of the changes that have happened to his family over the past year. His father was shot, his mother's boyfriend was killed, he moved back to Seattle, his baby sister died, his dad was in another accident, his parents got back together and now, they're getting married again…today. Somehow, Ryan has come out of each situation practically unscathed. His parents chalk it up to resilience that only children possess. He has moments where he's sad and where he gets scared but for the most part, his parents have done a really good job of trying to protect him from the bad stuff.

Still, though, he's not completely oblivious to what's been going on, particularly with his older sister Carson. She hasn't been right since the shooting; it changed her, and not for the better. Before, she was happier; sure she was annoying, but weren't all older sisters? Now, though? Carson is like a stranger to him, all she wants to do is hang out with her friends who smoke weed. When she's not doing that, she's being a jerk to their parents or to him. He hates that, wishes that she would just tell their parents that she's not okay. They've tried to help, really; they even had her in therapy once but she stopped going, made a big deal about it and they didn't push anymore. Ryan has done all he can to avoid her like the plague, lest she lash out at him.

His parents got married this morning, but they didn't wanna make a big deal out of it because they were still trying to be sensitive about his dad's ex girlfriend Meredith's feelings. Plus, his dad's daughter with Meredith died just before his parents got back together. The night before the wedding, Uncle Mark came over to talk to him who, though to no one's surprise, he was okay with it.

"Ya know Ryan, it's okay to not be okay with your mom and dad getting married again," Uncle Mark is sitting next him as they play Call of Duty in his room.

"I'm cool with it Uncle Mark, honest," Ryan is talking around a piece pepperoni pizza in his mouth before washing it down with some coke.

"You're really cool with them getting married again?" Mark is looking at the boy as though he's grown a third head.

"Yeah," Ryan shrugs his shoulders before leaning forward and stuffing his mouth with potato chips.

"Somedays, I wonder if you're Derek and Addison's kid," Ryan laughs before leaning back into the cushions of his bean bag.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because there's no way in the world that Derek and Addison could manage to raise such a chill kid like you, given how neurotic your mom is and how high strung your old man is," Ryan grins and shakes his head before picking up his controller again.

"Dad says I inherited Grandma Carolyn's temperament,"

"Now _that_ , I can believe; Mama Shepherd is _definitely_ the peacekeeper in the family…but you're sure you're okay with them getting married again? Because if you're not-"

"Uncle Mark relax, it's totally fine, now come on so I can kick your butt on some Grand Theft Auto," Mark chuckles and shakes his head but picks up his controller as well.

"We're switching games?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that? Or are you a chicken?" Ryan raises an eyebrow in defiance, a glimmer of a smirk in his eyes.

"Know what? You're on kid; but let's not tell your mom that I let you play such violent video games,"

"I didn't tell her about the time you did it in the coat closet with her favorite scrub nurse Julie on Halloween so…" Ryan says absently, leaving Mark floored.

"How did you…nevermind, let's just play, while I pretend that you never said that,"

oOoOo

The morning of their wedding, Ryan's parents tried to pretend that nothing was happening, but he knew better. Carson had run off the night before, but came home just in time to greet her parents, who asked her to please be home when Ryan got out of school (Carson had been out all night so her going to school was almost nonexistent). She reluctantly agreed and his mom quickly ushered him out of the house. When he gets dropped off at home by his friend Kyle's mom, Carson is surprisingly at home waiting for him.

"Hey kid!" Carson looks…odd. She looks like her old self, dressed in a pair of leggings and their dad's Columbia sweatshirt. Her hair is in loose wet waves around her shoulders and her face is void of makeup.

"Uh, hey Car, what's up?" Carson is smiling at him; she hardly ever smiles at him, at least, not these days.

"Nothing, did you have a good day at school?" Ryan looks at his sister like she's grown a third head.

"Yeah," Carson laughs, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

"Go do your homework loser," Ryan is still staring at her, trying to figure out what the heck has happened to his sister.

"Carson, are you feeling okay?" Ryan reaches out to feel his sister's head, and for a second he's sees something…different in her eyes.

"Is this because of how I've been acting lately?" Carson pulls him in for a hug, and this time it feels real.

"You've been acting strange lately, yeah…but I didn't mean-"

"I'm sorry, Ryan; I've just been…I just haven't been feeling the best since everything with mom, dad, and Meredith. I was just starting to be okay with it, y'know, dad and Meredith and then what happened with the baby…" Ryan gently squeezes his sister; he still thinks about his baby sister that died. It hurts, but he knows that their mom did everything she could to save the baby.

"I get it; we've been through a lot of shit," Carson looks down at her brother with a look of shock before the two burst out laughing, side splitting laughter, just like they used to when they were younger.

"Don't let mom hear you say that, she's totally lose it and swear I taught you to say that," Ryan grins at her sister, giving her a little nudge.

"Nah, I've heard Uncle Mark and Uncle Archer say it a time or two,"

"Yeah, just don't tell anyone you said shit," There's a comfortable silence that grows between them before Carson begins to speak.

"You do your homework, kid?"

"I could use some help with it," Ryan says with a shrug; together, they finish up his homework and play a couple of video games. That is, until Carson announces that she's going to lie down.

"Hey, Ry?" Ryan looks up at his sister with a smile.

"Yeah Carley?"

"I love you kid,"

"Love you too Car,"

oOoOo

This is the one time in Ryan Shepherd's life that he feels afraid. After all he and his family have endured in the last year, nothing has scared him more than this.

"Is she gonna be okay? Is my sister gonna be okay?" Ryan is standing next to Dr. Torres, who's holding him close as the paramedics rush Carson's gurney into a nearby trauma bay.

"The doctors and paramedics are gonna do everything they can to save her, I promise you," Callie gives Ryan a little squeeze just as Mark races towards them.

"What the hell happened?" Mark is panting, glancing around for Derek and Addison.

"Derek's talking to the police, Addison's with Amelia and Bailey," Callie already knows his next question.

"What happened?"

"She took stuff…pills, lots and lots of pills and there was alcohol and she was bleeding," Ryan's voice is trembling when he speaks, causing Mark to crouch down in front of him.

"Ryan, are you-"

"She looked the door to her room; I tried to open it but, but I couldn't. I-I called her name and knocked on the door but, she wouldn't let me in," Mark shakes his head and immediately pulls his godson into a hug.

"She's gonna be okay buddy, I promise," Mark's eyes fill with tears as he presses a kiss into Ryan's hair.

50 Minutes Earlier

The house has been quiet for just over an hour now; it's just after five o'clock, his parents should be home soon. He's thirsty and decides to go downstairs to get something to drink; he pauses when he hears the sound glass breaking coming from his sister's room.

"Carson?" He turns the knob but it's locked.

"Carson, is everything okay?" He's met with silence.

"Carson, what's going on?" Ryan presses his ear to the door and hears muffled noises coming from the other side. It sounds like crying but, he's not sure.

"Carson, c'mon, you're scaring me," Ryan knocks on the door and tries to turn the knob but still can't get it.

Soon, his knocking turns into pounding; something's wrong, something is very, very wrong.

"Carson, open the door, I'm not kidding!" Finally, he hears what sounds like his sister's voice come from the other side.

"G'way Ryan!" Ryan frowns; it sounds like Carson, but she's crying.

"Carson, open the door, please!" By now Ryan is pounding; he's so focused on getting the door open that he nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Whoa buddy, calm down it's just me," his dad is standing there with a smile on his face, though his mother looks worried.

"Ryan, why are you standing outside of your sister's door banging on it?"

"Something's wrong with Carson; she's crying and I heard stuff breaking," Ryan is terrified, absolutely terrified.

"Here, lemme try…Carson? Honey, it's dad; open up," Derek is met with silence on the other side.

"Step aside boys, I've got this," Addison is standing in front of the door this time, a polite knock as she calls out to her daughter.

"Carson, it's your mother…open the door, you're scaring Ryan," Again, there's silence.

"Carson, Carson, open the door this isn't funny anymore," This time, Addison tries shaking the doorknob, hoping that this is just another one of Carson's dramatic antics.

"Carson, Carson open the door right now," Still, there's nothing; though Addison swears she can hear muffled crying.

"Carson, Carson honey open up; whatever's going on we can talk about it. Honey, please open the door," Derek gently places a hand on his wife's shoulder, gently nudging her aside.

"Gimme a hairpin," Addison looks at Derek with confusion.

"You're going to pick the lock with a hairpin?"

"I've got four sisters; I know a thing or two about teenage girls locking themselves in their bedrooms," Addison sighs and pulls a hairpin from her hair and hands it to him.

Just as Derek opens the door, he hears a glass break; he pauses and looks back at Addison, silently communicating with her. Addison takes a deep breath and turns to Ryan, doing her best to be as calm as possible.

"Ryan, I need you to go downstairs,"

"But, mom-"

"Ryan, listen to me; I need you to take my phone and go downstairs and call the paramedics. Just tell them you've got a teenage girl in distress and to get here as soon as they can. Be sure to tell them who we are, okay?" Ryan has tears in his eyes but nods and quickly makes his way downstairs.

"Addie-"

"Get that door open, now," Derek says nothing else, he works quickly to get the door open.

What he finds when he finally gets it open is terrifying.

"Oh my God, Carson!" Addison nearly trips over him, doing her best to get to her daughter.

"Carson, what've you done? Baby, what did you do?" Addison has her daughter in her arms, cradling her to her chest as she rocks her back and forth.

"Is she? Does she?" Derek can barely catch his breath; the scene in front of him is all too familiar.

"It's barely there, Derek…"

"Move, I'm doing CPR," Addison quickly hands their daughter over to her husband, who quickly administers CPR, hoping that Carson will cough up some of whatever she's ingested.

Addison however is looking around the room in tears; it reeks of scotch and wine. There are prescription bottles for all sorts of pills everywhere. There's a plastic baggie with a white substance which Addison has sinking suspicions about. Tears are falling down her cheeks as she shakes her head, wondering how the hell didn't she see this.

"Mom! The paramedics are here!" Ryan is rushing into the room, though he lets out a scream at the sight of his sister. Immediately, Addison is pulling him away from the room, though he's resisting.

"Derek! Tell them it's a drug overdose; Adderall, Percocet's, Xanax…possible cocaine," Addison shakes her head at Derek's expression as she pulls their son away from the gruesome sight in front of him.

oOoOo

"How could I not know?" Addison murmurs; her elbows are resting on her thighs as she rocks back and forth.

"Addison, you couldn't have possibly-"

"She said she'd only smoked weed and prescription drugs once," She hasn't bothered to dry her tears, seeing as she feels guilty enough as it is.

"It, it wasn't the first time, Addie," Amelia confesses as Addison looks up at her.

"What?"

"She told me, the day of Emily's funeral," Amelia hangs her head in shame; she's preparing to apologize but is met with Addison's hand coming across her face.

"You knew she was using and you didn't tell me!? What, did you want her to end up like you?"

"Addie, please I'm sorry; she told me she was going to stop using and you and Derek were already dealing with so much and-"

"And now look what's happened? She's fighting for her life Amelia, because you failed to tell us that she was using drugs. I swear if something happens to my child, I will never forgive you!" Addison's voice is firm as Bailey gently takes her by the arm, giving Amelia a sad shake of the head.

"You should've told em," Charlotte's voice is soft when she speaks, causing Amelia to turn towards her.

"She's right; this is my fault,"

"Carson overdosing isn't your fault, but you should've at least told Mark," Amelia feels the lump in her throat.

"She has to be okay, she just has to be because if she meets the same fate I was supposed to…"

"She won't Amelia, she won't," Charlotte tried her best to soothe her friend but knowing what she knew about drug addiction, she didn't see this ending good.

 _Chapter 9 to follow…_


	9. Chapter 9

**Brief mentions of underage drug and alcohol use. I am not a therapist or a drug expert; anything I get wrong charge it to my head and not my heart.**

* * *

Derek Shepherd stands outside of trauma bay number four, watching helplessly as a team of doctors work to save his daughter's life. His head rests against the cool glass as he tries to steady his breathing. How could this be happening to him, after everything he'd been through in the last year? He turns around when he feels a familiar pair of hands on his shoulders; Meredith.

"I came as soon as I heard," Meredith says nothing more, she simply stands besides Derek, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"She took drugs Mere; my daughter took prescription drugs," Derek shakes his head slowly, still trying to wrap his head around what's currently happening.

"Teens do a lot of things when they're in distress Derek; I started drinking when I was 13,"

"Still…and Addison, she had to have known what was going on; why wouldn't she tell me? Why would she-"

"Maybe she only just found out herself," Meredith tries to give Addison the benefit of the doubt, hoping that she and Derek haven't started a second marriage on a lie.

"No, the way she looked at me and knew what kind of drugs Carson had taken…if something happens to her-"

"Nothing will," Meredith's voice is firm when she speaks.

"How can you be so sure?" Derek breaks his attention fromm the window for a moment to look at Meredith, really and truly look at her.

"'Because I know these doctors, and so do you. They saved me after I drowned and they saved you when you got shot. Carson's a strong girl; she'll survive this," Meredith gives Derek's hand one final squeeze before walking away from him.

Her words stuck, about how hard his colleagues worked to save the both of them when they were in distress.

He has to have hope that they can save his little girl; he can't lose another child, he just can't.

oOoOo

The tension in trauma bay four is so thick you could cut it with a knife. There are at least six doctors in the room along with two interns and five nurses. Owen Hunt is in charge and if he's never felt the pressure of saving a patient, boy does he feel it now.

"What's her heart rate Karev?" Alex and Arizona are on this case because Carson is under 18.

"Heart rate's holding steady so far,"

"Little Grey, how are we doing on identifying what she took?" Lexie Grey is a seond year resident and Meredith's younger sister. This case is extremely taxing for her because for a ltitle while, Carson was her niece. Still, though, she's trying to remain as professional as possible.

"Addison told police that it was a combination of drugs and that cocaine was possibly involved…her blood alcohol level is nearly triple the legal limit for someone her age," Owen swears under his breath.

"We've given her narcan to reverse the effects of the drugs; her heart rate and pulse are holding steady. I want a full medical work up done on her; someone talk to Shepherd and Montgomery to see if they know how long she's been using…make a call to Edgewood Health and page someone from psych," There are nurses and doctors scrambling to carry out his orders.

"Hunt, be honest with me; what are her chances?" Richard has pulled Owen to the side as nurses wheel Carson up to a private suite in PICU.

"It's…honestly, I don't know how Shepehrd and Montgomery didn't catch this earlier," Owen likes Addison and Derek, but he seriously questions their parenting skills.

"It's easy not to see the signs Hunt,"

"Isn't it? Look at what those kids have been through in the last year, hell Carson alone-"

"They had her in therapy; it didn't work," Richard of course is defending Derek and Addison, which annoys Owen.

"And what, they didn't wanna pressure her into staying? Because if they had forced her to stick with it-"

"Nothing would've gotten accomplished. You know how therapy works; Carson wasn't willing ro do the work. They looked into a court order but no judge was going to force her into therapy, not when she wasn't showing signs of distress or being a threat to herself or to others," Owen sighs heavily.

"And look where it's gotten her. Now, she's got no choice but to get help," Owne shakes his head and walks away.

oOoOo

By the time Derek catches up with Addison, she's in the cafeteria with Ryan, Callie and Mark.

"Derek…" Addison is up and out of her seat almost immediately as Derek takes her by the arm and leads her out of the cafeteria and into an empty stairwell.

"Derek, what's going on?" Addison leans against the railing waiting on answers.

"Did you know, Addie? Did you know she was on drugs?" Derek's eyes are filled with pain as he asks the question, because he has to know if she knew.

"I…"

"Please tell me you didn't know and haven't been hiding it the entire time," Derek takes a seat at the bottom of the stairs as Addison moves to sit next to him.

"I'd had my suspicions before but, nothing like this," Addison's voice is quiet as she takes his hand into hers, entangling them together.

"How did this happen Addie? How could we not know?"

"Amelia knew," Derek's head snaps up from where he'd been resting it against his elbows.

"What?"

"She said Carson told her that she'd smoked weed and done perscption drugs before," Derek lets out a deep breath.

"When did she find this out?"

"The day of Emily's funeral," Derek shakes his head as he stands up, completely furious.

"And you, when did you suspect something was off with her?" Addison bites her bottom lip.

"Addison, how long have you known, or at least suspected that she was using drugs?"

"Derek, I'm sorry…you were dealing with so much after your accident and losing you child with Meredith-"

"Just tell me how long dammit!?"

"Back in LA, she's got arrested for weed possession and underage drinking,"

"What?! Why didn't you-"

"That was the day Emily was born,"

"And after that?"

"I didn't think much of it after that but, the day I said I was going to tell her we were getting married again I caught her with more weed and prescription drugs," Addison hangs her head in shame as she begins to sob.

"So, not only did you lie to me but you kept something, something as big as my daughter being addicted to drugs from me!?"

"Derek I had no idea it was this bad, I swear!"

"How did you know it was cocaine?" Derek questions.

"What?"

"You told me to tell the paramedics that there could possibly be cocaine involved; how did you know?" Derek's voice is rough when he demands an answer.

"The day I was going to tell her about us, she'd skipped school; I came home and found her in bed with some boy that wasn't Drew. The room smelled like weed and…she told me it was just pills..." Derek shakes his head in disgust.

"This just keeps getting worse; so not only is she using drugs but she's having sex with multiple people? God Addison, what the hell kind of parent are you!?" Derek turns his back on her, running a hand through his hair.

"Excuse me!? _What kind of parent am I_? _How dare you_! How dare you say that to me when all of this is your fault!?"

"Oh, so it's my fault that you screwed Mark?" Derek scoffs.

"Oh my god! I screwed Mark because you were never home, Derek! You didn't give a damn about us,; you didn't care about your family! You don't get to play the self righteous card, not this time! I didn't tell you because you had just lost a child and you had been in an accident, and before that you hated me, remember? You blamed me for Emily dying; you said I was dead to you!" There's a silence between them, the only sound is their labored breathing.

"Derek, if I'm to blame for any of this then you're just as guilty as I am; but I am not Carson's only parent. I did what I could, Derek," Addison shakes her head slowly, not bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"I should've followed my first instinct and left Seattle the night of Emily's funeral," Derek murmurs.

"Because walking away is what you do best; you've been doing that for the better part of 20 years. When life gets tough, you run away,"

"This marriage was a mistake; I can't trust you, especially with my children," Derek says quietly as Addison shakes her head sadly.

"Because you can't stand the fact that you might be responsible is screwing them up; if you wanna leave Derek, then leave, I don't care anymore. I don't have the energy to keep fighting for you or to be with you," Addison gives Derek one last glance before exiting the stairwell.

 _Chapter 10 to follow…_

* * *

 **I hate that I'm leaving things between Addison and Derek on such a bad note but, it feels right to leave things right here. I promise that things will get better for them, but before they get better they have to get worse, and even when they get better, they're gonna get bad again. Don't worry though, the final chapter of this series has already been written and it ends on a very happy note. Up next, we're gonna check on Carson, Addison and Amelia will have a heart to heart (because I saw that a lot of my readers were upset with Amelia), and I'm gonna try and work on Derek a little bit more; he's complicated to write because of how Shonda created him.**

 **Be on the lookout for another update soon!**

 **Xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to update this story; plotting this chapter has been kinda tough. I'm also trying to tie some things together so that we can really start moving forward.**

 **Mentions of teen pregnancy and abortion in this chapter…**

* * *

By the time Addison exits the staircase, she finds Amelia sitting in the waiting area with Charlotte King. She should be angry at her but now that she's had time to think, her anger has quelled. Amelia looks up in surprise to find her sister-in-law sitting across from her.

"I'll leave you two alone," Charlotte stands up, though Addison stops her.

"No, stay," Charlotte hesitates but eventually sits down.

"Addie, I'm so sorry, I-"

"Tell me exactly what Carson told you," Addison's back is rigid against the chair as she looks at Amelia.

"It was the day of Emily's funeral; she looked…I knew that look. She was hurting and we started talking and she just sort of let it slip," Amelia hangs her head in shame once more.

"And you didn't think to tell me? Amelia, I'm her mother!"

"I know! I know and I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner but, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt Addie. She told me she'd only been smoking weed and that she was almost out of prescription pills," Addison sighs heavily, resting her head against the cushion of the chair.

"How could I not have seen this? I mean, I knew about the weed, it's why I left on Thanksgiving but…" Charlotte reaches over and gently takes Addison's hand.

"Don't beat yourself up too much Montgomery; you can't be with your child 24/7. Carson's been through a lot lately. She probably didn't know how to tell you she was hurting," Addison lets out a sound of bitter frustration.

"I hate Gary Clarke; our lives were fine before he showed up," She angrily wipes away at traitorous tears as Amelia leans forward to grab her other hand.

"Addison please, what can I do to make this right? You're my sister, Carson is my niece and I love you both so much and-"

"Stop just…stop, Amelia; there's nothing you can do to make this right…"

"Addie, please-" Addison holds up a hand.

"I don't, I don't hate you, Amy; I wish you had told me but…what's done is done. You're not completely to blame for this so don't beat yourself up too much, okay?"Addison gives her a weak smile before standing up.

"Addie…"

"Go home, Amelia; go back to Los Angeles,"

"Addison!"

"I need time Amy; you lied to me, you kept something very important about my child from me and…I need time, Amy. I'll, I'll have Mark call you if anything changes," With that, Addison walks away.

4 Weeks Ago

 _Carson Danielle Montgomery-Shepherd has been nervous about a lot of things, but nothing has made her more nervous about whether or not she would become a mother._

 _"Well, what does it say?" She's at Brooke's house because her mom has been on her ass lately. She's still grounded effective immediately until further notice, but she made up an excuse (sort of) to go to Brooke's for a school project._

 _"It's positive; shit it's positive," Carson runs a hand through her hair and sighs heavily._

 _"Do you know whose it is?" Brooke has come into the bathroom, peering over Carson's shoulder at yet another positive pregnancy test._

 _"_ **Honestly** _? No. I mean, I had sex with Drew and Michael around that time but…fuck!" Carson brushes past Brooke and moves to sit on the bed. Casey and Mariah had been called over for this emergency as well._

 _"Carson, chill; you can go to Planned Parenthood and-"_

 _"_ **Are you dumb, Casey** _!?_ **Do you not know who my mother is** _!?" Carson is yelling, which causes Brooke's mother to knock on the door._

 _"Girls, is everything alright in there?" She doesn't open the door; she respects Brooke's privacy._

 _"Yeah mom, everything's great, you can leave now!" Brooke gives Carson a death glare once she's sure her mother has gone back downstairs._

 _"Keep your voice down!"_

 _"I know who your mom is Carson, but she can't be that big of a deal that-"_

 _"You really are dumb; my mother knows practically every abortion provider in this city, hell in the country! She is_ **literally** _the best OBGYN in the world! There's no way I can just walk into Planned Parenthood or my own doctor's office at that and say 'hey, I'd like to get an abortion', especially when I look just like my mother!" Carson hisses at Casey who rolls her eyes._

 _"Okay, geez," Brooke places both hands on Carson's shoulders._

 _"Carson, breathe girl; I've had two abortions without my parents knowing and my dad's the DA and my mom's a federal judge," Caron lets out a ragged breath, doing her best to blink back tears._

 _"I don't want a baby Brooke," Brooke gives her a sympathetic smile and pulls her into a hug._

 _"And you won't have to have one; I promise. Your parents will_ **never** _know; gimmie a week, okay?" Carson pulls out of Brooke's embrace and nods._

 _"Okay,"_

 _Brooke is good on her word; she texts Carson exactly five days later telling her that she'd managed to score her the abortion pill, though it was going to cost her $400. That was easy to get; she knew the passwords to her parents' bank accounts so it was easy to transfer that kind of cash from one of their 8 accounts without their knowledge. She made the exchange with Brooke during the third-period lunch wave._

 _"You're gonna wanna find a way to leave school and get home to take it," Carson nods carefully. She had Mrs. Campanelli next period, getting a pass to go home would be a breeze._

 _"You take this one first and then the antibiotics. You take the second pill about two days the first one. If your cramping gets too bad, you can take some ibuprofen. Here's a number to a private nurse; if anything goes wrong, call her. In a week or two, go to this address to make sure it worked,"_

 _"Brooke…"_

 _"Relax; like I said, I've been through this twice. If you want me to-"_

 _"No, I, I wanna do it alone," Brooke shrugs before giving Carson a hug._

 _"It's gonna be fine, nobody ever has to know," With that Brooke leaves the bathroom; she's got trigonometry with Mr. Dellwood next period._

 _Carson stands and looks at herself in the mirror before splashing cold water on her face._

 _"It's my body, my decision," She murmurs to herself._

oOoOo

By the time Addison makes it to the trauma bay where Carson was, she's met by Dr. Bailey, Arizona, Owen, and the chief. The looks on their faces are enough to make her heart stop.

"Please don't tell me she's-"

"Carson's fine, Addison," Bailey's voice is reassuring, causing her to let out a sigh of relief.

"How is she?"

"We were able to give her a strong enough dose of Narcan so her heart rate and pressure are holding steady. We put her in a medically induced coma for the time being; we don't know how long she was without oxygen, so whether or not she'll wake up or what kind of damage was done due to the lack of oxygen…" Arizona hates delaying this type of news to her friend and it's taking everything in her not to cry.

"Oh god…" Addison places a hand over her mouth in shock.

"Addison, there's something else you need to know," Miranda carefully guides her into a nearby trauma bay; no one needs to hear what comes next.

"Miranda, what's-"

"Addison, when we uh, when we ran Carson's blood work, she tested positive for a lot of different drugs and prescription drugs…but ones I found most troubling were Mifepristone and Misoprostol…" Addison's entire body goes numb; those two drugs are two that she would know in her sleep.

"Miranda, are you saying that…"

"It's been in her system, twice though it appears that it was for the same procedure," Miranda reaches out to gently squeeze her friend's hand.

She doesn't need to say the words; Addison says them for her,

"Carson had an abortion, and recently,"

Four Weeks Ago

 _Her friend Beth works the front desk after lunch so it was easy for her to get Beth to let her sign herself out of school for the day. Her mother was generous enough not to take her car, so she drives home. The house is quiet when she gets there; Ryan gets out of school at 3 and then he's going to some meeting for an after-school club. Her parents won't be home until around five o'clock, seven at the latest. It gives her enough time to read over all of the paperwork and research any possible side effects. She's nervous and rightfully so; Michael has a friend who's a nurse practitioner who confirmed that she's about seven and a half weeks pregnant. She pulls up her shirt and sure enough, she can see the tiniest of swells in her belly. With a lumpy throat, she presses her hand there._

 _"Hey there…fetus; my mom's always said that a baby isn't a baby until it can survive on its own outside of the womb but, I don't know what I believe. I always wanted kids but, I'm 17 and I'm on drugs so I'm in no way ready to be a mom," She takes a deep breath and puts her shirt down; it feels silly talking to something the size of a blueberry._

 _She knows that it's got a heartbeat and a tail and other things forming but, she's not ready to be a mother, not yet. Plus, she's not even sure who the baby's father would be. Drew has plans for his life and Michael; he'd just give her money to get rid of it and probably never talk to her again. She stands there a few moments longer, gently rubbing her stomach before clearing her throat. She has to do this; it's the best thing for both her and the blueberry growing inside of her. The instructions say that she should get comfortable, so her bed is the first choice. Thankfully their maid Helen had already come through and done the laundry just the way she likes it._

 _Carson knows that this is going to be messy, but luckily her parents are medical professionals. Down in the cellar, there's an entire corner of medical supplies; the perks of her parents once owning their own medical practice. She grabs a boxful of medial bed pads and takes them upstairs, hiding them underneath her bed. She decides to shower first, grabbing her cheapest but most comfy pajamas. She eats first, makes sure to keep herself hydrated; she takes the first abortion pill first and then the antibiotics._

 _She curls up in a ball and lets the waiting game begin._

 _Chapter 11 to follow…_

* * *

 **I decided to split this up into multiple chapters; the trigger warning for abortion will carry over into the next chapter. We may or may not have a time jump to see what Carson's fate is…**


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm so sorry you guys! Real life post graduating college has been getting to me since the last update…which was two months ago. We're still sitting at an M rating with trigger warnings for mentions of teen pregnancy and abortion. Please note that while I have never been pregnant as a teen nor have I ever endured an abortion, thorough and adequate research went into these chapters so that it's as close to realistic and authentic as possible.**

* * *

Addison was completely floored; she didn't know what to think or how to feel. Her daughter, her baby girl had had an abortion, and recently. She took a deep breath before turning to face Miranda,

"Did they um, did, did the blood work tell how recent the abortion-"

"It was about a month ago," Miranda said quietly; thankfully Addison had taken a seat on a nearby empty swivel chair.

"I can't believe this Miranda; how could I have been so…this was a mistake," Addison's voice was muffled from her head being in her lap.

"Addison…" Miranda's voice was gentle when she spoke.

"I shouldn't have done this; coming here to Seattle, uprooting my children, not forcing Carson to go to therapy. I should…moving back to Seattle was a mistake," Addison let out a long and tiring sigh, unfortunately, it was at the exact moment that Derek chose to stick his head into the trauma room.

"Coming back here was a mistake?" His eyes were full of hurt as he turned and walked away.

"Derek-"

"Wow,"

"Derek…"

"No, you say coming back here was a mistake but then you neglected to tell Miranda that Carson has been spiraling out of control for a while now-" Miranda looks at Addison in shock.

"Addison did you-"

"I never knew it was this bad Miranda I swear I didn't know about any of it, about the drugs, her abortion-" Addison's body tenses as Derek's eyes narrow.

"What did you just say?" Addison shakes her head slowly.

"Derek-"

"No, did you say she had an abortion?" Derek is furious as he runs a hand over his face and then through his hair.

"Derek, Miranda only just told me and-"

"You're an OBGYN Addison, the best there is! How the hell could you have not known our daughter was pregnant and had an abortion!?" Derek is furious, absolutely furious as he throws surgical and medical instruments across the room.

"Derek-"

"No, you stay far away from me as possible,"

"Derek I didn't know about the abortion-"

"How am I supposed to believe that Addie? How can I believe you or Amelia or anyone around me? Nobody told me anything about my kid and…you're right, this, this was a grave mistake," Derek tosses Addison one final glance before walking away.

"Derek, Derek wait, I didn't …dammit can this day get any worse?" Addison groaned as she made her way out of the trauma room to talk to her husband.

4 Weeks Ago

 _Carson was scared; sure, she'd done some pretty scary and shitty things in her life recently but this, this was by far the scariest and stupidest. She lay in bed underneath her favorite sheets waiting for what she assumed to be the death of her unborn fetus. She didn't call it a child because to her, it wasn't, no, it couldn't be a child. She was just a child herself and her mother had always told her that whatever decision a woman made in regards to her body and pregnancy was always her decision and should be respected. Of course, her mother was speaking in general terms, not thinking in the event that her own teenage daughter would become pregnant. While Carson may be angry at her mother for irrational-but-rational reasons, she still wished that she were home._

 _She had followed the necessary steps based on the pamphlet she'd gotten and her own personal research. There was nothing more to do but wait for the inevitable. In order to pass the time and to keep her from thinking about the process happening in her body, Carson decided to binge watch a few shows on demand. She'd been so engrossed in her shows that she barely heard the soft knock on the door._

" _Hey, you okay?" Her mother had poked her head into the door slightly; things were still pretty tense between them._

" _Uh, yeah; just not feeling too well; I um, I skipped fourth period. I totally got a pass though," Addison sighs heavily and shakes her head. Carson can see it, the frustration in her eyes, the way her shoulders sag, the purse of her lips; her mother is heated. However, she surprises her by asking,_

" _Did you at least get the assignments for the rest of the day?" Carson blinks once, then twice; was she hearing her mother right?_

" _Uh, yeah; I texted Jessica earlier…I think I'm coming down with something so I'm gonna be up here in my room for the night. I'm feeling a little queasy so…no school tomorrow?" Carson tilts her head to the side, hoping that she's still got some sort of clout with her mother._

 _Addison shakes her head and walks over to the bed, going into full doctor mode, checking for a fever and whatnot._

" _I want to trust you Carson but-"_

" _I know I haven't done anything to make me trust you lately mom and…I'm so sorry," And she means it, is totally and completely sincere in her words but still, her mother's eyes are guarded, distrustful and it totally hurts._

" _Carson…where did everything go wrong between us? Was it me dating Kevin? Was it us moving back to Seattle? Was it, was it me getting back together with your dad-"_

" _Wait, you two are serious about that, about getting back together?" Addison sighs heavily and shakes her head._

" _Yeah, we are; is that where things got so messed up between us? Because Carson I really want to fix this but, I have to know where it all fell apart," Carson is silent for a few moments before pulling herself out of her mom's embrace and curling up into a ball in the opposite direction._

" _And we're back to this; Carson, I am trying, I really am. But I can't be the only one working to fix this; if you're not feeling well in the morning, stay home from school but please be here when your brother gets off the bus," With that, her mother stands up and walks out of the room._

 _Once she's gone, Carson lets out the breath she'd been holding and allows her tears to fall._

 _She wants to fix things, but just when she feels like she's gotten to a good place, something always comes up, making it impossible for her to seek help. Her parents have been through enough within the last year-and-a-half, her telling them that she's pregnant and is currently in the process of having an abortion would only make things so much worse and frankly, she's tired of causing them pain._

oOo

The first thing she wakes up to is the sound of a constant beeping, the slow drag of air coming at even intervals. The world is still pretty hazy as the darkness of sleep begins to intertwine with the world around her. It's fuzzy for a moment but soon things begin to take shape and color. A nurse notices her first, begins calling for someone, though Carson can't quite make out who, again the world is still fuzzy and hazy around the edges. Someone, a doctor of some sort comes rushing into the room; there are soft hands, soft brown hands that are on her face and someone's talking to her.

"Carson, Carson honey can you hear me? It's Grandpa Richard; I know there's a lot going on but I need you to try and listen to me, okay. You've been in a medically induced coma for a few days…your parents are here and your brother and Mark. Carson, if you can understand what I'm saying I need you to blink one time for me,"

She's trying to process it all, what he, what Grandpa Richard is saying. She's in the hospital, her parents are here, so is Ryan and Mark…sorry, _Uncle Mark_.

It takes a moment for her brain to catch up but slowly, she blinks one time. She can almost feel the collective sigh of relief that fills the room. It takes her eyes a moment to adjust but they land on the one person she wants to see-her mom. Her hand is shaky when she tries to raise it off of the bed; it takes a moment but, she holds up a wobbly hand and points it at her mother.

"You wanna see your mom?" She tries to nod but it makes her head hurt so, she settles for blinking instead.

She can tell that her mother is hesitant on coming towards her, and if she's that hesitant then she must really be doing bad. But none of that seems to matter once her mother has pushed down the bedrails and runs a hand through her hair; Carson doesn't mind that a few of her tears fall on her face.

"Thank God you're alright," it's the clearest sound she's heard in a while.

But when she tries to talk something funny happens…she can't. She tries to open her mouth to speak but there's something there, something, something is stopping her from talking. She panics, her eyes darting around the room; she can faintly hear the sound of the beeping machine begin to beep faster. Her body goes numb; she can feel her heart racing in her chest. She's having a panic attack, maybe even a heart attack.

But then her mom's voice is in her ear, telling her to calm down, to relax; there's apparently a tube in her throat and if she'll hold on just a moment, Grandpa Richard has gone to get someone to take it out. She's still scared though because what the hell is happening, she can't seem to remember anything, anything at all. Of course, she knows the basics but, the events leading up to how she ended up in the hospital are unclear. Still, the feeling of her mother's thumb gently tracing the top of her hand is somehow keeping her calm.

It takes a few moments but a nurse and a few other doctors she knows but can't quite call by name come into the room and remove the tube from her throat. She nearly throws up once the tube is out and goes into a coughing fit. Her mouth feels like it's been stuffed with cotton and when the air hits it she coughs again. Her mom tells her that it's normal and that drinking water will help. The water burns when it goes down her throat, but after her third cup (assisted by her mother and a very thin straw), it doesn't burn as much. She's encouraged not to talk, but she's Carson and pushes it anyway. The sound of her voice is scary; it's raspy and slightly slurred as if she's been drinking.

"Carson, a lot's happened to you since you came into the hospital," a redheaded man…she knows him, knows his name but can't seem to remember it right now.

"You came in because you took a lot of drugs and you had a serious amount of alcohol in your system. Your brother and your parents found you passed out on the floor in your bedroom…your brain was without air for, well, we're still not sure how long. This isn't gonna be an easy task, getting back to where you were. You're gonna need lots of physical therapy. We've also talked to your parents and they've decided to check you into a 90 day rehab clinic," Carson's eyes are as wide as saucers as she looks over at her mom (she still hasn't been able to identify her dad just yet) and she sees it, the guilt in her mother's eyes.

"Carson I'm sorry but, I had no choice; honey I almost lost you and…I need you to get better,"

Though her memories are a bit hazy, she does remember the drugs and being high on a regular basis. Her mom is still by her side, but talking to the redheaded male doctor. She knows that this is what she needs, to get better, because apparently, she's a mess. She shakily reaches a hand up to tap her mother on the shoulder.

"I…I-I'll, g-g-go to r-r-ehab," It takes a lot out of her, to utter the words but she knows she's hit rock bottom.

She has to get her life back, she has to.

 _Chapter 12 to follow…_

* * *

 **It's a short chapter but it took quite a bit to get it to a good ending point. So we're leaving a lot of things unsaid as far as Derek and Addison's relationship goes. They need lots of therapy that's for sure and they'll get it. I'm thinking that the next chapter will have a slight time jump, with a few flashbacks to give insight into things we missed. It's a slow progress but we're moving at a pretty good pace. Again, I do apologize for the long delays in between chapters. I hope that the heavy subject matter I'm covering is as realistic and as accurate as possible.**

 **See you for the next update!**

 **Xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**We're doing just a slight time jump folks; roughly six weeks have passed since our last chapter. The progress is…slow; I'm also having a hard time writing Derek Shepherd, he's a bit of an obtuse character. Speaking of Derek Shepherd, if you're into reading a good Mer/Der +Mark/Addison+Mark/Addison/Derek you should definitely go check out Winter Machine's fic "Take Your Life and Light it Up". Once you start reading, you'll thank me later!**

 **Reviews are lovely, but I'll take a 'new follower' or a 'new favorite' alert as well!**

 **Xx**

* * *

"You're doing great Carson," She hates when they tell her this, that she's doing great, but this is what they're supposed to tell you in rehab. She sighs heavily, ignores the beads of sweat dripping down her nose, the way sweat clings to her thin t-shirt.

Her physical therapist is a tiny woman, no more than 5'5 at best. Her name is Trina, Caterina to be precise, but she likes to be called Trina. Trina is not only a physical therapist, but she works in the rehab clinic as well. Trina's probably got as many degrees and credentials as her mother Carson thinks to herself. Trina's a hardass, but she knows that it's because she cares. Six weeks in a place like this and you actually start to believe that people care.

"I'm tired, I need to take a little break," Carson's legs are wobbly as she carefully takes a seat on the wooden bench near the door. Almost instantly Trina is beside her, handing her a bottle of cool water.

"I know today's workout was a bit more intense but-"

"The harder my PT is, the sooner I can get out of this joint," Carson's breathing is labored, more labored than for someone who's just done a workout session.

"Hey, I know that being here sucks; but if it helps you've made a hell of a lot of progress since you came in," Trina gives her a reassuring smile.

She remembers just how bad off she was when she arrived at the clinic, just a few short days after leaving the hospital. Her speech was off, she had trouble with her short-term and some long-term memory loss and her body was in terrible shape. The director of the clinic compared Carson to a person who'd suffered either a heart attack or a stroke. Still, she's managed to sail through both her drug rehabilitation and her physical rehabilitation like a trooper. She seems fully committed to getting back to her old self…

Now, if only they could get her to open up in therapy…

oOoOo

Derek is not a fan of therapy.

Having a sister who is a licensed therapist, one would think that he'd be more willing to the idea.

Instead, he hates it even more.

He'd tried therapy and counseling with Addison once before when she first moved to Seattle and it didn't work. This time, however, this time might even be more disastrous than the last time. Still, though, he comes; shows up every week on Wednesday at 3 p.m. to sit through an hour-long session where he doesn't talk. He simply stares at the walls while Addison talks and attempts to have him be part of a conversation that he desperately wishes not to be having.

"Why are we here Derek?" He looks up from his thoughts at the sound of Addison's voice.

"Hm?" He seems…unphased by the ordeal and it only seems to aggravate her more.

"Why are we doing this? Why are we paying for yet _another_ therapy session if you're only going to sit there and clean the dirt from under your nails or sit and watch the minutes on the clock tick by until you can leave and go back to the hospital in order to avoid me, _again_?" She's tapping her foot impatiently like she does when she's upset or nervous. The therapist notices it as well and jots it down.

"Addison…" he says her name with a sigh and that's when he sees it; something inside of her snaps. She surprises him by standing up and walking towards the door.

"Addison, where are you going?" Derek says her name as if she's a child throwing a tantrum.

"Home," Addison shrugs her shoulders as if it's the most casual thing in the world.

"Home? Addison, you can't just leave-"

" _Oh really_? Because I can think of a _million_ better things to do than sit here and watch you be indifferent," Derek sighs and runs a hand across his face and then through his hair.

 _Here we go again._

" _Addison_ , I'm **not** being-"

"No, Derek; I won't sit around and subject myself to being married to someone that doesn't even feel that our marriage is worth saving,"

"Addison, I _never_ said-"

"You didn't have to Derek; I can read it all over your face. This is just like the first time we tried counseling. Did I mention that; we tried couples therapy the first time we were married," Addison speaks directly to their therapist, who has been dutifully jotting down everything said in each session, when she says this.

"Addison-"Addison is still talking to the therapist.

"Therapy the first time we were married was _so_ fun. I was forced to give up so many things in order for my husband to take me back and what happened in the end? He never put in any real efforts to make it work _and_ **then** , _then_ he left me to be not only humiliated, but to have to explain to our twelve-year-old daughter why her father had a pair of panties in his coat pocket that clearly didn't belong to mommy," Derek puts his head in his hands and sighs.

" _Did you_ **really** _just bring up the panties in the coat pocket_?" he mutters.

"Yes, I did. _Do you know what he did when I confronted him_? He simply said 'our marriage is over' and that he was sorry. That was all I got; I shouldn't have expected much more from him since when he found me in bed with his best friend all he did was look at us and then walk away. I'm sorry; he came back, physically threw me out of our brownstone, and then proceeded to pack only a suitcase of his things and drive cross country to Seattle for six weeks where he managed to fall in love with another woman but failed to tell her that he was married and had two children,"

"Addison, stop," Derek's voice is quiet but Addison has never known how to listen well so she keeps going.

"And then after he cheated on me he goes and gets himself shot and then proceeds to break up with his girlfriend and ask me to marry him, and then when our daughter ends up in a crisis and we end up in therapy he's indifferent as if nothing bothers him," By this point Addison's voice is shrill and her arms are flailing all over the place and she's pacing, never a good sign for her.

"Addison, don't,"

"No, Derek; I didn't sign up for this. I tried being passive the first time we were married but I refuse to put myself through that again. If you wanna leave Derek, then walk away. If you wanna file for divorce or an annulment, fine. Hell, if you wanna get back together with Meredith Grey then that's fine too. But what I _won't do_ , is sit here and waste another hour of my life when I could actually be doing something productive, instead of being with someone who is disinterested in even sharing the same air as me," Derek sighs heavily as he leans forward. This is so damn ridiculous he thinks to himself. After a few moments, he sits up and faces her and finally, he gives her a response that's more than a singular word or a few syllables.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Addie. This is our second time being married and we started it out with secrets and lies and doubts and insecurities. You've hurt me, Addison, in both of our marriages. The first time you slept with my best friend-"

" _Because you were indifferent_ -" Derek cuts her off with a hand.

"And this time, this time you kept the fact that our daughter had a serious drug problem from me and not only that, she had an abortion-"

" _Which I didn't know about_!"

"But even if you did know, would you have told me?" Addison hesitates for a moment before truthfully responding.

"Honestly? I don't know," Derek shakes his head sadly.

"I can't trust you Addie; after what you've done…I get to not trust you and to be angry," Addison throws her hands up in disbelief.

"Wow, Derek. _Do you even hear yourself right now_?"

"What-"

"I can't do this," Addison shakes her head sadly before muttering her apologies to the therapist.

"Addison-"

"No, Derek, I'm done,"

"Addison, get back here-"Addison shakes her head and prepares to leave but stops herself.

"No, y'know what? I may have done a lot of terrible things wrong since we've been together, but I refuse to shoulder all the blame every single thing that goes wrong between us. I didn't create this mess alone Derek and I shouldn't be forced to keep cleaning it up by myself,"

"Addison-"

"You aren't the only one who's been hurt and has trust issues, Derek"

oOoOo

The air is cool the following afternoon as Carson and Trina take a walk around the facility. The grounds are huge, sprawling out into magnificent green pastures. The scenery is truly breathtaking and Carson simply breathes it in.

"I love this type of weather," Trina's voice is casual as she speaks.

"Yeah, me too; back in Boston when we'd visit my grandma, my dad would rake up this huge pile of leaves in the front yard that I used to jump into with my brother and a few of my cousins," Trina hums in response as they continue to walk.

"You don't talk about them much, your family I mean," Carson tucks some hair behind her ears before responding.

"My family's…complicated," Trina simply shakes her head.

"Your family can't be more complicated than mine,"

" _Oh yeah_? **Try me** ," Trina smirks at her and murmurs a sort of _you asked for it_ before divulging family secrets,

"My mother had my father killed when I was 12…and got away with it. I spent years living under her abusive hand which, ironically, landed me in a brief rehab stint. I have a half-sister that I never knew existed until a few years ago. I recently lost my best friend due to drugs and an abusive relationship. She left behind an eight-year-old son that I'm now trying to raise," Carson shakes her head and lets out a long sigh.

"Wow,"

"Still wanna talk about how complicated your family is?"

"…My mother cheated on my father with his best friend; my father left us and for six weeks we didn't know where he was. When we did find him, he'd come to Seattle and started a new life like we never even existed. He had a girlfriend and she didn't even know we existed, my brother and me I mean. My parents eventually tried to work things out but in a twist of irony, my father cheated on my mother with his girlfriend Meredith at a hospital function. To make things even worse, I ended up finding Meredith's panties in his coat pocket,"

"Wow, that's-" Carson holds up a hand.

"Oh, I'm not done yet; so my parents' divorce, right? And for four years me, my mom, and my little brother are happily living in Los Angeles, with the exception of when Ryan and I are forced to spend time with our father, who, by the way, is still dating his mistress…my grandmother gave him the ring my grandfather gave to her. She said that Meredith was worthy of the ring," Carson lets out a bitter snort when she recalls the memory.

"So anyway, about a year and a half ago, I'm visiting my dad for the weekend. He and I get into a heated argument in which I get grounded and my dad proceeds to calls me a spoiled brat and brings up my mother's affair. I, in turn, steal his mistress's car and wrap it around a tree... _on accident_. It was raining and I just wanted to get away from Meredith's house. So my dad finds me, we make up, and my mother is pissed. I'm talking fly to Los Angeles on a plane to yell at us mad. Anywho, less than seventy-two hours after said crash, a man walks into my father's hospital and opens fire. In the process, several people are killed, one of which is my mother's on again, off again boyfriend Kevin. On top of that, my dad gets shot in the process; the shooter blamed my father for his wife's death…even though the woman was legally brain dead and there was nothing anyone could've done…oh, and to top it all off, I told the shooter to shoot me," Trina shakes her head slowly as they come to a rest underneath an old oak tree.

"Wow, Carson that's-"

"Ah, still not done. So, not only was I in a car accident, but I witnessed my father get shot. I don't sleep much after that. It was hard to; every little sound made me jump. I was super emotional and felt all sort of guilt behind everything. And all I can think about is why, why did this happen? I didn't wanna tell my parents about it because for one, my father was recovering from being shot and my mom was mourning the loss of her boyfriend, who I really liked by the way. Anywho, so I got my friend to score me something that would help take the edge off… well, everything,"

"What was the first thing you took?"

"Xanax," Carson's voice is quiet as she tries to recall the memory.

"What happened after that?" Trina seems genuinely interested in her story.

"I kept using; the pills made me feel…in control. I was less high strung and life seemed tolerable. I had only been using a little bit when my mother decided that we should move back to Seattle to be closer to my father. They agreed that with everything that happened, us flying back and forth was going to be out of the picture for a while. Plus, Meredith was pregnant at the time,"

"Wait, during all of this, Meredith was-"

"No, she told my dad the day before the shooting. By the time we moved back to Seattle, she was six months pregnant,"

"Jesus," Trina mutters under her breath before clearing her throat.

"What happened after you guys moved back to Seattle?"

"Things were…okay for a while. Thing shifted between my mom, my dad, and Meredith after the shooting. They were…friendly is the word I'd use. They'd always managed to be civil and cordial before the shooting but…something changed between the three of them after the shooting,"

"What about you?" Carson looks up from her thoughts at the question.

"What about me?"

"Obviously you had to have some feelings about being uprooted from the life you'd known for a what, third time I'd wager?" Carson simply blinks as though she'd never really thought about it.

"Well, you said you lived in New York until your mother's affair, and then you moved to Seattle for a few years, and then you left Seattle for LA and then came back to Seattle,"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"That's a lot of moving, don't you think?"

"It is but, you learn to live with it, especially when your parents are world class surgeons. There's very little stability when your parents are world class surgeons. You learn to live with the idea that someone may not make it to a recital or a game, someone's gonna miss bedtime and occasionally they may miss Christmas or your birthday and if they don't miss it, the party will be long over by the time they get there,"

"…When did things start to get bad for you?"

"Well, I got arrested on Thanksgiving, which was also the night my little sister was born,"

"What did your parents think?"

"Well my mom for sure was pissed," Carson tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as she talks.

"And your dad?"

"My mom never told him; his girlfriend had just given birth and we were still handling him with kid gloves after the shooting."

"I've never heard you mention your little sister until today, why?" Carson feels the lump in her throat as she begins to speak.

"So uh, things were pretty good for us. I was still using but no one really noticed it. It got really bad when, when Emily, my little sister, passed away," Trina reaches out to give Carson's hand a sympathetic squeeze.

"Oh, Carson…"

"She was about six months old and uh, she had a really bad case of RSV; she never recovered from it. The sad part about it is that my mom was the attending physician when Meredith brought her in,"

"Wow,"

"Yeah, the chief asked her if she wanted to step away from the case but Meredith and my dad insisted. When Emily died everything sorta fell apart for us; my dad was so angry at my mom…he said a lot of nasty things to her. I wanted to stop because for a split second things seemed to be okay and then…like always, my life went straight to hell…" Carson is pensive when she stares out into the afternoon sky.

"What happened Carson?"

"My father, my idiotic father who was depressed and had been shot a year before, had a foolish plan to leave both my mother and Meredith but ended up getting into a serious accident. That night was the first time I…did more than Xanax bars and weed,"

"You mean coke?"

"Yeah; I, I was scared and everything felt out of control and it just…happened," She feels the tears prickle at the back of her eyelids before quickly wiping up the few tears that managed to push to the surface.

"What about the incident that brought you here?"

"Um, like I said after my sister died I started using even more. I needed to be numb to even try to exist. My parents and Meredith had a huge discussion which led to my dad and Meredith breaking up and my parents getting back together. It's crazy, right? I'd wanted my parents to get back together for a while but after Emily was born I sorta gave up hope. But Meredith actually encouraged them to get back together; weird I know. But…instead of being happy they were back together, I was angry. I had no idea coke could put you into such an emotional tailspin. I was out of control at that point…"

"How did no one notice?"

"My mom knew I'd smoked weed and she caught me one time. I was supposed to be at school but I skipped and ended up at home with my supplier. I lied and told my mom that the coke was just some crushed up pills. Still, she was pissed off because I was having unprotected sex, I was on drugs and I was cheating on my boyfriend and somehow managed to get pregnant…"

"You were-"

"Yeah, it was sorta what put me over the edge. I uh, I found out and I had a friend who knew how to score the abortion pill and…y'know." Carson looked down in shame.

"Is that what led you to attempt suicide?"

"What? I didn't-" Trina gives Carson a look.

"I wasn't thinking of it as suicide; I just…I'd hurt so many people and I was tired of hurting so…"

"So, you took a lethal dose of pills and coke that you downed with booze, fell and hit your head, were without air for god knows how long before your parents found you. Your heart crashed twice in the field, you had to be put in a medically induced coma…doctor's compared your lack of oxygen to the brain to that of someone who has a heart attack or a stroke," Carson's shoulders shake as she listens to Trina recall the events that led her to rehab.

"I never wanted any of this to happen, I swear!" Trina's voice is gentle when she speaks; she carefully wraps an arm around Carson.

"I know that and your parents know that," Carson shakes her head.

"How can they forgive me?"

"Because they love you; I can guarantee you that this is hurting you way more than its hurting them,"

"I just…I just keep thinking about my little brother Ryan. I haven't exactly been the best big sister to him lately,"

"I'm pretty sure Ryan loves you as well," Carson to turns to Trina, her eyes full of desperation.

"How do I fix this? I want my old life back,"

"I'm glad you asked…" Trina stands up and holds a hand out to Carson to follow her.

 _Chapter 13 to follow…_

* * *

 **In order to not drag this out, we're going to be doing some time jumps; maybe a few days (Which will be labeled). The next chapter will focus largely on Derek and Addison and how they're going to make things work. Again, I think this is taking so long because Derek to me is an obtuse character to write. I'm trying you guys; I'm hoping to have another update out by the end of the year but if I can't, I hope to see you in 2018!**

 **Xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Let's have another time jump, shall we? Oh hi there! Welcome back to my story after being left without an update since 2017. I'm slowly starting to fix things for everybody, Derek and Addison especially. Those two are going to take some work; in this chapter, Derek, Addison, and Ryan are preparing to visit Carson in rehab. We'll also get a glimpse into where Derek and Addison are in their relationship. We're picking up four weeks after our last chapter. Also, there's a little bit of drama coming about midway through the chapter…**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

 **Xx**

 ***Please note: Ryther Child Center is an actual center for children that deal with various behavior and drug addiction. I am in no way affiliated with them; they're simply used for location purposes and references. I am in no way trained in addiction; everything I learn and or mention about drug addiction comes from Google…and a tiny bit of personal experience of having loved ones addicted to drugs***

* * *

Ryther Child Center-Seattle

Ryther Child Center is like going to summer camp, a very cheap summer camp. Located in a non-descript neighborhood off of 95th Street, Ryther's sits on several acres of land. The workers are too smiley, too touchy-feely, and the kids are weird. She doesn't bother interacting with the other teens; her favorite people are the little kids. They're just as fond of her as she is of them, which the counselors seem to like. She doesn't open up to any of the other counselors and therapists like she does with Trina. Trina's different; she isn't smiley, isn't trying to push or pry. She met Trina when she was first released and put into intense physical therapy. Since then, Trina has become a friend of sorts, making Carson feel safe enough to open up to her about well, everything.

"Your parents are coming tomorrow," They're sitting on top of some picnic tables outside; the air is crisp and cool. Carson's wearing a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt; her hair is pulled into a bun on top of her head.

"What if they're still mad at me?" Carson turns and looks at Trina; there's genuine fear in her eyes as Trina reaches across the table to grab her hand.

"I can reassure you, your parents are gonna be _so happy_ to see you,"

" _How do you know_?"

"Because if I had a kid as amazing and as brave as you, there's _no way in hell_ I'd be angry or upset,"

" _Even after what I did_?" Carson bites at her bottom lip; her voice is soft and her eyes remain focused on the ground.

"Hey, look at me; what you did, was try and keep your parents from being hurt after all they'd been through. You put their feelings ahead of your own; it was selfless and brave,"

" _You think it was brave_?"

"Most teenagers your age would've probably lashed out at their parents but _you_? You tried to hold it together for them,"

" _You really think that was brave_?"

"I do; you look like you've got a lot on your mind."

"I don't…what if they blame themselves for this?"

"Do _you_ think they blame themselves?" Trina sighed heavily; she's still trying to figure out how she feels about the Shepherds. _How the hell could they_ **not** _see the signs that their daughter was in so much pain?_

"More than likely they do," Carson sighed heavily.

"If you want my honest opinion, they've probably got a little bit of guilt going on, which is normal considering everything that happened…didn't you say your mom was reluctant to send you here?"

"Yeah, she was,"

Seattle Grace Hospital-10 Weeks Ago

 _Carson has been out of her medically induced coma for almost four days. She's been receiving round the clock care in PICU from Arizona and Alex. Derek and Addison have been in meetings with Child Welfare as well as the hospital board. They don't like it but, they understand that Carson comes first. The juvenile courts make a decision that while no criminal charges will be filed against Derek and Addison, Carson is required to do a 90-day stint in rehab. Derek and Addison's lawyers have managed to keep this as quiet as possible; no need for the world to know that they've been shitty parents. They're also keeping it quiet because neither one of them wants their mothers calling._

 _They're also keeping things quiet because Bizzy and Carolyn have yet to find out that Derek and Addison are remarried. Not that they're ashamed or anything but, the_ **last** _thing they need is for their mothers to find out Carson has been doing drugs, got pregnant, had an abortion, tried to commit suicide,_ **and** _that they got married again. Derek and Addison have talked to Carson's school; surprisingly, she's managed to keep up with her school work despite all the times she skipped. She's still on track to graduate next year, which is a relief for Derek and Addison. Her school agrees to keep her absence quiet, but not without Addison writing a sizable check. Derek disagrees but that's another discussion for later because right now, they have to decide which rehab clinic Carson should go to._

 _God, that sounds so weird; Carson going to rehab._

" _I talked to some people over at Edgewood; they recommended Ryther Children Center since she's 17," They're meeting with Owen, Alex, Arizona, and the Chief today._

" _I've heard of them," Derek murmurs as the chief slides a brochure across the table for he and Addison to look over._

" _And it's just 90 days, right?" Addison asks._

" _Well, it would be a bit longer because of her physical therapy. So I'd say we're looking at four-and-a-half months," Arizona said as Derek and Addison glanced at one another._

" _I don't like this," Derek said quietly as Addison grabbed his hand._

" _I don't either, but Derek…she's a mess. She might even be worse off than-"_

" **Don't** _. Don't say she's worse than Amy," Derek grows defensive._

" _Look at what's happened; Derek she didn't just overdose, she tried to kill herself and she managed to get pregnant and have an abortion without either one of us knowing about it," It's harsh, stings to admit but that's what happened. Derek sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair._

" _What kind of parents are we?" He shakes his head; Addison doesn't answer. Instead, she turns her attention to the Chief._

" _How soon can she go?"_

oOoOo

 _Carson has made progress while at Seattle Grace; she's able to talk, though her words are still a bit slurred. Callie has helped her regain some feeling in her right side, which is a good thing. Her parents haven't told her friends what happened aside from she'd been in a really bad accident. Drew came by to see her while she was in her coma but he hasn't been back since. She hasn't been able to see Ryan, which is probably a good thing since she probably terrified him to death. She hasn't had many visitors aside from her parents, her doctors, and Uncle Mark._

 _Today, her mother is in her room, pulling the curtains back to let some sunlight in. She's been…quiet, to say the least._

" _Mom?" Addison turns to look at her daughter; she looks tired. There are bags underneath her eyes; she hasn't worn makeup in days. In fact, she hasn't performed a single surgery since Carson was brought into the hospital._

" _Yeah, honey?" Addison puts on a smile for Carson, but Carson knows better. This whole ordeal has been hell on their family, her mother especially._

" _When can I go home?" And it kills Addison to tell her that she won't be going home, not just yet._

 _Sighing heavily, Addison pulls up a chair next to her daughter's bedside._

" _Honey, when you came in you had been without oxygen for quite some time. It's a miracle that you didn't…the point is, it's going to take some time for you to get your strength back so…you won't be coming home right away," Carson tilts her head to the side, studying her mother for a few moments._

" _I'm going to rehab, aren't I?" Addison tearfully nods._

" _Yeah; you'll spend a few weeks in physical therapy. Once physical therapy is done then you'll start rehab," Carson swallowed._

" _How, how long will I be-"_

" _Four-and-a-half months, but that's including your physical therapy," Carson's eyes widened._

" _Mom, that's-"_

" _I know, I know but, honey, you scared me. I could've lost you. I feel like I've already lost you. You were on drugs,_ **very serious drugs** _and you got_ **pregnant** _and had an_ **abortion** _and didn't tell a soul," It feels like a dig; logically she knows it's not but it doesn't make her mother's words sting any less._

" _I'm sorry," Carson looks down at the blanket on the bed; to her surprise, Addison reaches over and tilts her chin up so that she can look into her mother's eyes. They're filled with unshed tears as well._

" _No,_ **I'm sorry** _; I should've done more, been there more…I failed you, your father and I, we failed you as parents," Carson can't help the fat tears that roll down her cheeks._

" _I didn't wanna hurt you; you'd been through so much with Kevin and-"_

" _Hey, it is_ **not** _your job to protect us; that's the other way around; and from now o that's the way it's gonna be from now on, got it?" For the first time in god knows how long, her mom gives her a genuine smile._

" _I'm scared, mom," Carson reaches out to give her mom's hand a weak squeeze; Addison squeezes back._

" _I know, I am too; I don't want you to go Carson, but I feel like there are no other options…I just want you to get better honey. Not for me, not for your dad, but for yourself; we've obviously been part of your problem-"_

" _Mom, I-" Addison holds up a hand._

" _Let me finish; your father and I have been so wrapped up in each other and with work that we failed you. We failed you and we failed Ryan…sweetheart I'm so sorry," Carson knew how important it was to her mother to be a good parent, seeing as her parents were cold and emotionally withholding, while her father had lost his own father when he was a few years older than Ryan. The guilt of everything was starting to overwhelm her; she could feel her breath tightening. She was having a panic attack; her mother seemed to sense it and instantly grabbed her hand again and squeezed it._

" _Do you feel that? I want you to focus on the feel of my hand in yours. Close your eyes and slow your breathing; you can do it, Carson…"_

 _She did as her mother told her and after a few moments, she felt somewhat better. She opened her eyes and blinked slowly; her mother was smiling proudly at her, reaching out to caress her cheek._

" _That's my girl,"_

oOoOo

It felt like déjà vu; they shouldn't be here again. She shouldn't be reliving this dream, him angrily ignoring her as he stormed downstairs, her crying, desperately trying to explain. They'd been doing so well in couple's therapy and now, it looked as if all that hard work was about to crumble. It felt oddly reminiscent of the night she's forced herself to forget; the night she tore her family apart.

Manhattan, 2005:

" _Derek, Derek listen to me, Derek you can't do this! Derek, we have to-we need to talk about this, you have to give me a chance to explain…what are you doing, what are you doing with my clothes?"_

" _Derek it was one time! I know that's what people say, I know that's what always gets said it's just…I don't even know how it happened, I don't know what I was thinking…he was just here"_

" _You screw my best friend and all you can say is 'he was just here'? Get out,"_

" _No,"_

" _Get out,"_

" _No, No I'm not going; we need to talk about this! We need to talk about this Derek Please"_

" _Get out of my house now!"_

" _Derek, Derek listen to me, Derek you can't do this! Derek, we have to-we need to talk about this, you have to give me a chance to explain…what are you doing, what are you doing with my clothes?"_

" _Derek it was one time! I know that's what people say, I know that's what always gets said it's just…I don't even know how it happened, I don't know what I was thinking…he was just here"_

" _You screw my best friend and all you can say is 'he was just here'? get out,"_

" _No,"_

" _Get out,"_

" _No, No I'm not going; we need to talk about this! We need to talk about this Derek, Please,"_

" _Get out of my house now,"_

" _Derek, Derek listen to me, Derek you can't do this! Derek, we have to-we need to talk about this, you have to give me a chance to explain…what are you doing, what are you doing with my clothes?"_

" _Derek, let me in! Derek! Derek!"_

" _I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay, you have to give me a chance, you have to give me a chance to show you how sorry I am…I'm sorry okay,"_

" _I'm gonna go you stay I'll get my things in the morning"_

" _No, no, no, no, no, we can survive this…Derek we can survive this…we're, we're 'Addison-and-Derek',"_

" _I can't look at you…I look at you and I feel nauseous….I just…We're not Addison-and-Derek anymore,"_

" _If you go now…if you go now we are not gonna get through this…If you go now, we don't have a chance…we don't have a chance…if you go now…if you go,"_

Seattle:

Tonight , owever, seemed much more volatile than in the night in New York.

" _Derek, you can't do this!" Addison's voice is raised; thankfully, Ryan is sleeping over at a friend's house and Carson is still in rehab; this is the last thing their children need to hear about._

" _You lied to me Addison, you lied to me!"_

" _I didn't tell you because I never thought-"_

" _You never thought what? You didn't think you'd have to tell me because what?"_

" _I didn't tell you because I never thought that this, you and me being together, I didn't think it would happen again!"_

" _So you thought that you'd take this secret to your grave with you? Goddammit ,Addison!" Derek punches his fist into a nearby wall. He shakes his head and there it is, that look he had in his eyes before he left the Brownstone._

" _I can't do this, I can't stay here tonight," He makes his descent down the stairs._

" _Derek, Derek where are you going? You can't do this again! We said we wouldn't leave like last time!" Derek turns around to look at her, pure hatred in his eyes._

" _This is different then...I can't stand to look at you right now Addison! How can you expect me to look at you and be...you hurt me Addison, what you did, it hurts!"_

" _Derek, I'm sorry, but you have to give me a chance to explain!"_

" _No…this is too much like…I can't do this Addison, I have to go,"_

" _Derek, Derek wait!" Addison begs, rushing behind her husband as he tries to go down the stairs._

" _Addison, let go of me,"_

" _No!"_

" _Addison, stop it,"_

" _No, Derek you can't leave me, not again, not like this!" She says holding onto him as Derek tries to pry her from his shirt, pushing her to the ground in the process. He takes one last look at her, shaking his head in disgust before going downstairs, slamming the door in the process. It takes her a few moments but, Addison finally gets up, rushing to her room and locking the door behind her._

 _She had no intention of telling him, but all it took was a weekend trip to Los Angeles and just like that, the world came tumbling down…again._

 _Los Angeles, One Week Ago..._

 _Things had been going wonderful so far; therapy seemed to be working. They had grown closer over the last few months, spending more time together, being intimate, having deep, intense conversations. Nobody around them seems to think it'll work but they do, they have faith in each other. They decide to take a weekend trip to Los Angeles to catch up with their old friends Sam and Naomi. Plus, they just_ **had** _to see for themselves; Sam and Naomi had gotten back together and had another baby. They'd been together for nearly two years now and seemed relatively happy. Addison said they could use some of that good juju and so, here they were._

" _Uh oh Addie, I think Derek might be getting baby fever," Naomi laughs as they watch Derek with she and Sam's newborn son._

" _You know, you may be right Nae," Addison says, watching her husband with a smile before walking towards him, resting her head on his shoulder._

" _You know, you look pretty comfortable with a kid in your arms," Addison says softly as she peers down at the sleeping infant in Derek's arms._

" _It's nice; I miss it," Derek grins._

" _What? Having a baby?" she teases._

" _No, well, yeah I mean, it makes me think of when Carson and Ryan were little, that's all," Derek says._

" _Naomi_ **was** _right, you_ **do** _have baby fever," Addison teases._

" _Yeah, maybe..." Derek says quietly, staring down at the baby in his arms._

" _You know, those two would be great with another kid," Sam says to Naomi._

" _Sam, don't say that," Naomi sighs._

" _Why not? I mean, they're happy, they're in love, they-"_

" _Addison can't have any more kids Sam,"_

" _What?"_

" _Well, she could but, it'd be difficult for her to get pregnant again. Besides, that would call for Addison and Derek having a serious discussion, a discussion I'm sure Addison, has_ **no** _intention of ever bringing up," Naomi says quietly._

" _They're in couple's therapy to try and save their marriage; what could Addison not possibly want to discuss-"_

" _Back when Addison was in New York with Mark, she got pregnant," Naomi explains as Sam lets out a quiet gas._

" _And Derek has no clue, does he?"_

" _Nope; and when Addison came to LA after the divorce, I ran some tests and, turns out there was some tissue scarring and, it'd be really difficult for them to get pregnant again,"_

" _Yeah, especially since Derek has no idea that she was even pregnant to begin with," Sam says as he and Naomi watch their friends interact with their son._

oOoOo

" _Wow, you look like you had a rough night," Callie Torres observes as she looks at her friend the next morning._

" _Yeah, I did; Derek and I had a fight last night and…"_

" _Addison, what's-"_

" _Oh my God!" Addison says, her eyes immediately going towards the CAT walk where her husband is beating up his best friend, threatening to push him over the railing._

" _Oh God!" Callie says as she and Addison rush towards where the small crowd is gathered._

 _There's so much chaos going on right now; it's pure pandemonium. There's screaming and shouting and punches being thrown, but its Derek holding Mark Sloan over the railing and the pure look of fear in Mark's eyes that sends Addison into a panic._

" _Derek! Derek, stop! Derek, stop it! You're going to kill him! Derek, STOP!" She screams pulling her husband away from his best friend, who is now sliding down the side of the railing as his girlfriend, Lexie Grey rushes towards him._

" _Derek-"_

" _Don't touch me Addison_ _; this is your fault anyways," Derek says, glaring angrily at her before pushing past her before she turns her attention to Mark._

" _What the hell happened to him? He came outta nowhere and-" Mark sputters._

" _He knows, about what happened in New York," Addison quietly admits._

" _You told him? I thought-" Mark says completely astonished._

" _He wanted to have another baby and, I'm so sorry Mark," she says, tears falling down her face._

" _Well, I guess I deserved that one, seeing as I messed things up for him," Mark says as Lexie helps him to his feet._

" _Addison, Sloan, in my office, right now!" The Chief shouts._

oOo

" **Punching out people on my surgical floor** _?_ **My** _head of Neuro...I feel like we've had this discussion before._ **W** **hat the hell is going on this time**? _You three were fine, all best friends just yesterday. Somebody tell me_ _what the_ **hell** _is going on here?_ "

" _It's my fault Richard," Addison says sadly as the chief turns to look at her._

" _You didn't sleep with Sloan again, did you?"_

" _No_! **No, no, no**! I… _Derek wants to have another baby,"_

" _So what's that got to do with-"_

" _Derek mentioned wanting another baby and, I might not be able to give him one because sometimes, when you have an abortion, it makes it, harder to try and conceive again,"_

" _Addie, what are you saying?" Richard asks._

" _Back in New York, I found out I was pregnant…with Mark's baby; I was still in love with Derek and-"_

" _I wanted that kid but, she was still in love with Derek so, she had an abortion," Mark says dejectedly as Richard sighs._

" _Take the day off, don't book another surgery, don't touch another patient. I could fire the three of you right now. How it is that you three always manage to send my hospital into total chaos? And I'm ashamed of you Addison, because somehow you're always in the middle of it. Now get the hell off my surgical floor, I don't wanna see any of you until tomorrow; and try to leave your personal problems at home if you can," Richard says to them before leaving the conference room._

" _Derek-" Addison tries reaching for her but he pulls away like he's been burned._

" _No, you two stay the_ **hell** _away from me," Derek says in a dangerously low tone_

" _Shep..."_

" _I don't wanna see either of you; right now, you're both dead to me," Derek says, giving them one final glare before he too exits the conference room._

" _Red..."_

" _I just, I wanna be alone Mark, please," she says quietly_

" _I'm around, if you need me Addison," who simply nods._

" _I'm sorry Red,"_

" _Yeah, me too," she sniffles._

oOo

To many people's surprise, Derek and Addison are still together.

It's been hard but, they're slowly making progress; they actually manage to talk to one another now. After Addison's tearful confession, at their next visit ,their therapist suggested that they spend a week apart with little to no communication. Their homework was to reflect back on their relationship from start to finish, including where it currently stood. They were asked to make a list of what they loved and what they hated about one another, more importantly, why were they still together. That was the messy part; why _were_ they still together?

For Addison, it was simple; she loved Derek because he was gentle and kind, because he made her laugh; he wasn't necessarily fazed impressed or intimidated by her status as a Forbes Montgomery. To him, she was just Addie, and it had been amazing from the start. For Derek though, things were a bit more difficult. He did love Addison, but his own insecurities that he didn't tell her about (like the fact that she had way more money than him, that she was driven, passionate, knew _exactly_ what she wanted out of life, and that she was stubborn) overshadowed the love he had for her. Plus, he felt like she needed saving, something that Addison wasn't pleased with.

" _I'm not a princess Derek! Yes, my childhood was, it was cold and emotionally withholding, but I didn't need to be saved. I needed someone to love me,_ **just me**!"

There were many fights in the process, many, _many_ fights-most of which involved his inability to stand up to his mother during their marriage and how she treated Addison during the next couple of therapy sessions. Then there was Mark, and Meredith, the divorce, the loss of baby Emily, Carson's addiction, her secret pregnancy and abortion, her overdose and suicide attempt. There were many, _many_ things for them to work on, but in the end ,they realized that they loved each other, that despite everything they had _always_ loved each other. _That_ was what caused them to stay together.

"We're stronger together you know," It was one evening after a particularly tough therapy session. Things were still pretty tense between them but they were trying. Ryan had since long gone to bed and they were alone.

The tension was so thick you could cut through it with a knife.

"Yeah, sure," Derek's voice was dejected; Addison sighed as she moved to stand next to him.

" _What do I have to_ **do** _Derek_? I've apologized a _million times_ and-"

"You shouldn't have kept it from me Addison!" His words are sharp and they sting, but it's the truth.

She should've been upfront and honest about the abortion the minute they decided to get back together.

"We're going to see Carson tomorrow; we can't go in there like this. Derek, we _have_ to fix this," Her voice is desperate; she needs him.

"I'm trying Addie but…it's hard,"

Addison sighs heavily, leaning in to kiss his cheek; he tenses up, which given the circumstances she understands his hesitation to be intimate.

"I'm going to bed; I'll see you in the morning?" He glances over at her and nods.

"Yeah,"

oOoOo

Carson is nervous the morning her parents are scheduled to arrive. She's fidgety and irritable and has been on the verge of three panic attacks.

"Carson, relax it's going to be fine," While Trina isn't her therapist, she is her 'sponsor', though at Ryther's they tend to use the term 'support coach'. Carson's therapist Julie is nice, and just so happens to be friends with Trina, which made opening up about everything that much easier.

"I don't know Trina, what if-"

"Carson, we've been over this before; your parents are going to come, whether you're ready for them to or not," Julie is a southern bombshell with a tough past but once you get to know her, she's one of the most gentle souls you could ever meet. Julie is an Amazon compared to Trina, pushing six feet tall with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Julie isn't one of those overly emotional therapists; when they first met, she allowed Carson to be silent during their therapy sessions for an entire week. When confronted about it, Julie simply responded with 'you'll talk when you're ready'; Carson began opening up the following session. While Julie's outward appearance screams 'don't fucking try me' she's talks with an adorable southern drawl which makes Carson wonder how the hell she managed to leave Meridian, Mississippi and end up in Seattle. Ironically, she's been in Seattle for nearly 20 years and has managed to maintain that cute southern accent.

"I know, I know…it's happening; but that doesn't mean I don't get to be scared," Julie gives her a smile.

"'Course ya do, but we've been through this; Trina and I will both be there and if it gets too hard, we'll shut it down and they can try again another time,"

"You can do this Carson; you're more than ready to face your family, it's been long enough," Trina gives her shoulders an encouraging squeeze as Carson takes a deep breath.

"You're right, I'm ready; let's do this,"

oOoOo

The ride to Ryther's from the hospital is relatively short but painfully silent.

"Are you guys gonna even pretend to love each other?" During this whole ordeal 12-year-old ,Ryan has been relatively unharmed and unphased by everything, that is, until he watched his sister almost die. Since then he's become distant, withdrawn, and snappy towards his parents. When Addison saw that he was reacting the same way Carson had after the shooting she immediately sent him to see a therapist. Luckily, he was more responsive and after only a few sessions, he seemed to be fine.

Derek looks at his son through the rearview mirror and sighs.

"Your mother and I love each other Ryan; things are just hard, that's all,"

"Is this because you found out mom aborted Uncle Mark's baby?" the car comes to a screeching halt. Ryan finds it amusing and laughs, full on belly laughs.

"I overheard some residents talking about it; word gets around," The boy simply shrugs, still chuckling to himself as Derek and Addison look at one another completely horrified.

"Your father and I love each other Ryan, that's all that matters," Addison is unable to look her son in the eyes; she's too mortified that he's talking so casually about what happened between she and Mark.

"Are you sure? Because you two aren't acting like it," Derek and Addison share a look.

"Sometimes in marriage, you won't always look like you're in love; people fight in marriage, they do things and hurt each other, not necessarily on purpose but that doesn't mean they don't love each other, or that their marriage is over," Ryan glances up at his parents for a few moments.

"Well, could you two pretend like you love each other, because I don't want Carson to think that you two hate each other because of what happened," Addison turns around in her seat to face her son.

"Ryan, your father and I love each other very much and we're going to do everything we can to make sure Carson doesn't blame herself for any of this,"

"Good, because I want her to come home," Derek smiles at his son before replying,

"So do we buddy,"

oOoOo

They arrive fifteen minutes before their appointment; Addison is a stickler for being on time. While they wait, Ryan takes the opportunity to check out the surroundings. On the outside ,it appears to be like a children's camp, but inside is more official. The lobby area has a rustic feel with its cabin walls and other woodsy décor. The receptionist gives them a kind smile before making a call to someone to let them know that Carson's family was here.

A few minutes later, a petite woman with a pixie haircut comes out to greet them. Behind her is a man who looks like he belongs in a Disney movie of some sort and two other women; a tall blonde who doesn't look happy to see them, and a brunette with a kind smile.

"Hi, welcome to Ryther's, I'm Elizabeth the director; this is Adam the assistant director. Behind him we have Julie, Carson's therapist and Caterina, I'm sorry… _Trina_ , her physical therapist and support coach," Each of them steps forward to shake Derek and Addison's hand while giving Ryan a kind smile.

"I have to admit, Carson was…she was a bit guarded when she came in but she's made _incredible_ progress," Elizabeth is overly smiley, Addison notices. Adam appears to be interested but his eyes register boredom. It's Julie and Caterina who win her over, they appear to care about Carson a lot; it's the one thing that gives Addison hope.

"I have to let you all know, Carson's a little bit nervous about seeing you all," Caterina, or Trina as she likes to be called is pretty Addison notices. She's tiny but she speaks about Carson with such care and a slight air of protectiveness. Good, she needs someone to lookout for her Addison muses.

It only takes a few more moments of small conversation before Carson carefully makes her way into the waiting area. She looks…good, really, really good. She wears a smile that seems truly genuine; it touches her eyes. While she's smiling there's still a hint of apprehension on her face as she walks towards her family. Ryan is the first to greet her, nearly tacking her to the ground; tears well up in Addison's eyes as she hears her daughter laugh, truly laugh for the first time in ages.

"Guessing that means you're not mad at me?" Carson looks down at her younger brother and smiles.

"How can I be mad at you? You're my sister; besides, you're the only sane person I've got left," It's meant to be muttered but Derek and Addison take the joke in stride.

Now comes the hard part, facing her parents.

"Hey ,mom…daddy," Carson is starting to look like herself; her hair is shorter, just above her shoulders.

"I cut it, I needed a change; I hope you don't mind," she's directing the statement towards Addison.

"No I, I love it," She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath; Carson can't see her fall apart.

"It's, it's good to see you buddy," Derek is a bit less composed than Addison and is walking towards his daughter and quickly enveloping her into a long embrace.

"I missed you daddy," and that's it, Carson can't stop herself from crying.

"I missed you too honey, so much," Derek squeezes her tighter, runs his fingers through her hair.

"I like it short; I remember when your mother cut her hair this short, it suits you," Carson grins back at him, though her eyes connect with her mother's.

"Oh mom, don't cry," Addison can no longer help it; she's openly weeping before moving to embrace her daughter.

"I am so sorry sweetheart, I'm so sorry honey," Carson pulls back, sniffs away her own tears to smile at her mom.

"I'm okay mom, honest; I'm getting the help I need, I promise,"

"Good, because we can't wait to have you back home with us," At this point, Julie politely clears her throat.

"Why don't we let Carson give you all a tour, see where she spends most of her time," Carson looks back at Julie and Trina.

"Oh, right; I'll show you guys where all the magic happens,"

oOoOo

Though it looks pretty average on the outside, Ryther's is a beautiful place with its roaming hills and its beautiful, serene meadows.

They're walking down by the lake, just the four of them; of course, Julie and Trina are nearby but it's secluded enough for them to just be. It's nice, brings back old memories of a life that seems so far away.

"Remember when we used to go up to the Cabin in Maine?" Derek is standing between his children, Addison on the side of Ryan as they walk and talk.

"I remember, sorta; you always liked going out on the water to fish," Carson leans forward and smiles at her father.

"That boat was too small for me," Addison chuckles.

"Oh, that reminds me of that one time in the trailer in Seattle when dad…oh, uh, nevermind," Ryan quickly stops himself from reminiscing on their life in Seattle during his parents' first marriage unsure of how it'll make everyone else feel.

"No Ryan, it's fine; I think I know what memory you're talking about. It was when dad went out fishing and he brought back trout…mom was so pissed," Surprisingly, it's a memory they all seem to be fond of.

"Correction, it wasn't just any trout, it was rainbow trout," Derek grins.

"It doesn't matter what type of trout it was; I can't believe you thought you'd bring it into the trailer and I'd be okay with it,"

"The look on mom's face was priceless," Carson shakes her head, smiling from ear to ear.

"Needless to say, I bought a house shortly after that," Derek chuckles.

"This is nice, I miss it," Carson allows their walk to come to a stop as they quietly migrate underneath a shade tree.

"We miss it too honey; we miss you," Addison gently places an arm on Carson's shoulders.

Now comes the hard part, having to talk about everything; with a motion of her hand, Carson beckons Julie and Trina over to them. Derek and Addison notice the gesture and realize that they're about to have an impromptu therapy session.

"I hope you guys don't mind but, I didn't want to do the typical session where we sit in a room and I lash out or you guys lash out at me," Julie and Trina have now joined the group and are comfortably sitting on a nearby tree root.

"Carson, we didn't come here to lash out at you," Addison is a bit hurt that Carson would think such a thing but keeps her opinions to herself.

"I know but, it can get like that sometimes, even when that's not the case,"

"Okay, so let's be different then; let's just…talk, like we've been doing," Derek steps forward, trying to be the peacemaker in the situation.

"Why don't we let Carson navigate the conversation," Julie suggests, giving Carson a nod of encouragement.

"It's alright Carson, just talk to them like you talk to Julie and I," Trina gives her a smile of support.

"Okay…I had a panic attack before you guys got here, well, not exactly a panic attack but, I was on the verge of one…three actually," She's nervous and fidgety, wringing her hands and slightly pacing.

"Were you afraid of how we'd react when we saw you?" Addison is trying to understand, hoping and praying that this ends well for them. They could use some goodness in their lives.

"Yes and no; I was nervous because I didn't know how you'd react and…I was afraid you guys would blame me or be mad for what happened," Derek moves to sit beside his daughter, wrapping an arm around her.

"Carson, nothing you do could make us be upset or hate you in any way," Carson turns to look at him.

"I stole your girlfriend's car, I told a man to shoot me, I used drugs for over a year, I had unprotected sex, got pregnant, had an abortion and almost overdosed…clearly, that's a lot to be mad about dad," Derek took a deep breath.

"None of those things were your fault," Julie politely holds up a hand.

"We tend to have Carson own up to her actions so maybe try wording that a bit differently,"

"Right; while you made your own decisions, I can't imagine that they were done out of spite," This time, Addison chimes in,

"Sweetie, your father and I should've paid more attention to you; we were so caught up in our own problems that-"

"Mom, I wasn't some little child; I was 16 and I chose to do drugs and lie and get pregnant,"

"Why?" Everyone turns and looks at Ryan.

"What?"

"You said you chose to do drugs and…all that other stuff; why'd you do it?" The question catches Carson completely off guard.

"I did it because…I did it because it was easier than dealing with what was going on. I felt like everything that happened was my fault," She looks down at her shoes in guilt.

"You felt like what was your fault sweetheart?" Addison reaches over and grabs Carson's hand.

"I…" Carson looks over at Trina and Julie who nod.

"Go on, tell them Carson,"

"I felt like everything was my fault; the shooting, you guy's divorce…" Derek sighs heavily.

"The divorce wasn't your fault honey," Tears well up in Carson's eyes.

"If I hadn't told mom I'd found Meredith's panties-"

"Your father and I would've divorced anyway; Carson, our marriage had been unhealthy long before Meredith or Mark stepped into the picture," Derek looks at Addison and for the first time, he agrees with her. For the first time, it makes him honest.

"She's right; our marriage was…we didn't take our time. We met in med school, barely 23 and we dated and fell in love and then…you happened. We'd gotten engaged the year before and the plan was to wait until after we finished but our parents-"

"Namely Bizzy," Addison corrects.

"Right; we wanted to wait until after you were born to get married but, we let people pressure us into rushing into marriage. Once you were here, we'd already started our internships and it was stressful, working 100 hours a week, trying to find time for each other, let alone this tiny little person we were now responsible for. Sure, Sam and Naomi were doing it but, that wasn't what we wanted for you,"

"It was stressful, being interns, being married and trying to raise a family. We wanted, we want, the best for you and Ryan. Your father's always had dreams of being chief of surgery and-"

"And for a while, that was my focus. I didn't know how to really cope with being a husband or a father very well. You guys know that my father died when I was very young, probably around your age. Not only that but, there was a balance in our house; while my mom worked as well, she was still able to be there for my sisters and I. With your mom and I, we both had demanding careers and were driven and passionate and neither one of us was willing to put our careers and dreams to the side to focus solely on you and Ryan," Carson nods slowly.

"So, what happened with Uncle Mark was-"

"We knew our marriage was bad before I slept with Mark but, neither one of us wanted to say it. We thought we could fix it but, by the time that happened, we didn't even bother fighting; we barely spoke to one another unless it was necessary," Derek looks over at Addison, a pang of guilt hitting him in the chest.

"The divorce wasn't your fault Carson, please don't ever think it was,"

"And the shooting?" Addison sighs heavily.

"I'm still trying to figure out how you blame yourself for that,"

"Because I saw Gary Clarke that day; we were walking with Kevin and I saw him and…I told Kevin who he was and Kevin saw his gun. If I had just kept walking then-"

"Then he would've found me and killed me; more people would've died if you hadn't said anything. Carson, realizing that Gary Clarke had an ought with me probably saved a lot of lives," Carson sighs heavily, shoving the toe of her shoe into the dirt.

"But I told him to shoot me; mom was so upset and-"

"Carson, your father was lying on the ground with a bullet in his chest; surely you couldn't have thought I'd have been okay with Gary Clarke shooting you. Sweetheart, if anything had happened to you that day I…I don't know what I would've done," there are tears in Addison's eyes as she pulls Carson into a hug.

"And me using drugs and lying and having an abortion?" Derek moves to stand beside them, motioning for Ryan to move close as well.

"While we wish you would've told us, we weren't exactly thinking about you at the time,"

"Your father's right; we were being selfish; we should've thought more about you and Ryan," Carson sniffles before looking over at her younger brother.

"And you? I must've scared you to death when I locked myself in my room like that. I just…I was so tired of hurting and I didn't want you to see me like that. I'm so sorry Ry," Ryan doesn't cry much, but he wraps his arms around his sister and lets a few tears fall.

"It was scary, but I wanted to make sure you were okay; you're my sister Carson, my big sister. I'd already lost Emily, I didn't wanna lose you too," Carson lets out a sob, wrapping her arms around her brother.

"I'm sorry Ryan; I didn't mean to scare you. I love you so much ya little doofus, even if you are annoying at times," The two share a laugh as Ryan squeezes her tighter.

"I love you too, even if I think you're a drama queen," They share a playful shove before laughing again.

oOoOo

After their emotionally charged talk, Addison and Derek get to talk to Carson about the status of their relationship. It's intense, telling her about therapy and the abortion but they don't want to keep any secrets from her. Carson surprisingly takes the news well; she hates that things are still a bit tense between them but, she wishes them well.

And then she drops a bombshell on them,

"I think I wanna stay in rehab a bit longer,"

 _Chapter 14 to follow…_

* * *

 **Don't worry, Carson will return home soon; she still has some work to do. Yes, things are a bit tense between Derek and Addison but like I said, we're slowly working through some things. You all will be happy to know that you'll be getting a double update-yay! I feel like that's a pretty nice present for keeping you guys waiting for so long for an update. Not including the notes at the beginning and end, this chapter alone is about 7,200 words. The next chapter is 3,900 words. That's over 10,000 words in two chapters. I'm hoping that'll make up for keeping you all waiting for so long. I can't wait to read you guy's reviews, I'm sure you'll have a LOT to say.**

 **We're starting to wind it down you guys!**

 **See you in chapter 14 where there's a super sweet surprise waiting.**

 **Xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**There's a super sweet Addek surprise waiting at the end of the chapter; this chapter is a part two of Chapter 13. We can also say that at least a few weeks, no more than a month has passed since the last chapter.**

* * *

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" Nurse Olivia calls out to Addison as she and Alex Karev stand at the nurses' station discussing a patient.

"Yes?"

"The chief's on the line; says there's an emergency; it's urgent," Olivia says, handing Addison the phone.

"Richard, hey what's...has anyone told him yet? Okay, Karev and I will be right there," she says, quickly hanging up the phone.

"Karev! Let's move, now!" Addison says moving briskly down the hallway, not slowing down so that Alex can catch up with her.

"Whoa, Montgomery, where's the fire?" Alex asks, now jogging to keep up with her, though she's still unresponsive.

"Montgomery, what's going on? What's the emergency?"

"Not now, Alex, just hurry up," she snaps as they reach the elevators.

Once they're inside, Alex notices that his superior has yet to press any buttons.

"Uh, Montgomery, you _do_ realize that-"

"Shut up Karev! I just...I need a minute," she says pacing back and forth in the small space of the elevator

"You want me to-"

"No! Don't do anything!" Addison says holding up a hand as she continues pacing.

Once she's calm enough, she turns to her resident and begins to speak in a very quiet, highly serious tone.

"Callie's been in a car accident; she and Arizona were hit head-on by a truck. Callie wasn't wearing a seatbelt and flew through the windshield and the baby...they don't know if she's gonna make it. I was in surgery and so they sent Lucy Fields out to the site and she didn't even think to give the baby steroids so there's a chance that she could…" she doesn't finish the rest of her sentence; she's trying to hold her composure, but with the news she just received it's pretty damn hard.

Alex surprises her and gently grabs her hand.

"Does Sloan-"

"No, Mark doesn't know yet; we're waiting on the ambulance to arrive," Addison says, quickly wiping her eyes before pressing the button that will lead them to the ground floor.

"Montgomery, are you-"

"I'm fine Karev,"

"I know you and Torres are close but-"

"She's my best friend, she and Mark are my best friends," Addison chokes out just as the elevator doors open.

" _Are you sure_ you gonna be able to-"

"Karev, I'm highly capable of pushing my emotions aside in order to save Callie's life and her baby's life,"

"If you say so," Alex shakes his head.

"I do say so, now let's move!" She says as they rush out of the elevator and make a mad dash through the pit to where everyone else is already outside waiting.

oOo

"What's the ETA?" Addison asks Richard.

"Less than two minutes," he replies.

"Has anyone told Mark yet?" she asks as Derek sends a glare her way before muttering under his breath.

"You two gonna be able to-"

"Dr. Shepherd, a word please," Addison says, pulling Derek away from everyone else.

"Look, I get that you hate me, but this is work and this is Callie and its Mark. Despite how you may feel about him he is our best friend and Callie is the mother of his unborn child, a child that _we_ are going to be godparents to. You and I are gonna have to work together to save Callie's life and the baby's life and we can't do that if you're being a stubborn ass. That being said, once Callie and the baby are out of danger, you can go back to hating me," she tells him as he stares at her for a few moments.

"...Someone should be with Mark right now," he says quietly.

"Richard said that he hasn't been told yet but-"

"What the hell happened?" Mark shouts, causing Addison and Derek to turn and look at him.

"Derek, Addison, what the hell happened?"

"We don't know Mark; all we know is that it's bad," Derek says.

"But we're gonna do _everything we can_ to save them both," Addison soothes.

"That's my kid in there!" Mark says as the ambulance pulls up.

"I know Mark but you have to let us do our job," Addison tells him.

"I-"

"Mark," Derek says, giving his friend a look that says that he shouldn't argue.

"You two, you two fix this! You two save her, you save them both you hear me?"

"Alright, people let's move!" Owen Hunt commands as everyone quickly runs behind the gurney holding Callie's lifeless body.

oOoOo

Once inside the ER, its complete chaos; everyone is trying to move at once, trying to make a definitive diagnosis to save Callie and the baby. It's pure hell in that small triage room.

"Everybody just, calm down! Take a deep breath. We need teamwork people; the most important thing right now is the baby...Montgomery?" The room goes silent at Hunt's command as all eyes fall on Addison.

"I need an ultrasound machine now!" Addison demands as Lucy Fields scrambles to get one.

"C'mon...c'mon baby, c'mon..." Addison mutters to herself as she desperately searches for a heartbeat.

"Addison-" Richard begins though she holds up a hand to silence him.

"Everybody shut up! I want complete silence in here...c'mon baby, c'mon, c'mon…okay, I got it. It's faint but, there's still a heartbeat. If that baby has any chance of survival, she's gotta come out right now,"

"Now?!" Arizona and Mark are both wearing looks of fear as they turn to look at Addison.

"Addison, the baby-"

" _I know_! I know but, I can do this; Mark, you _have_ to trust me. Richard that baby's gotta come out right now," she says to him.

"Alright, let's get her stable and then we'll discuss what preliminary steps to take next," Richard orders.

Once Callie is stabilized and placed in ICU, the attendings on the case, Derek, Addison, Hunt, Bailey and Teddy Altman, along with Mark and Arizona, who insist on being in the room, engage in a heated argument about what actions should be taken.

" _She has got a hole in her heart_ ; it needs to be fixed and it needs to be fixed now!" Teddy shouts.

"That would set her up for another rebleed," Derek reminds her.

"Which would also require a lot of heparin," Bailey adds.

"The hypothermia would kill the baby," Addison reminds her.

"This is Callie we're talking about!" Teddy shouts.

"You act as though we don't know that," Addison snaps.

"This is the life of a dear friend here and I don't wanna risk any chance of losing her!" Teddy argues.

"It's not just Callie's life that's at stake here, there's also the life of her daughter, her daughter with Mark and Arizona!" Addison says exasperatedly

"Alright, that's enough! Montgomery makes a point, Teddy. We can't just go making decisions to put Torres on bypass without thinking about the baby," Owen tells her.

"The baby's not even viable!" Teddy rolls her eyes.

"The baby could survive,"

"Could she really?" Arizona asks, turning to face Addison.

"She could; it'd be a _long_ road of recovery but, she could survive,"

"You don't know that you're not god, Addison" Teddy snaps.

"I say that with confidence because I'm the best in my field and if I say that baby's got a chance then dammit I know what the hell I'm talking about. I don't question you about your decision, even though I think most of them are risky and reckless," Addison tells her as Teddy steps into her space.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Teddy practically snarls as Derek steps in between them.

"That's enough dammit! You both care about Callie but right now, this isn't about your egos it's about doing what's best for mother and baby," Owen tells them; once Addison is calm, Derek removes the careful grip he'd had on her hand and she instantly misses his warmth.

"What are her chances?" Mark asks; his eyes are desperate as he pleads with Addison.

"Right now, being 23 weeks, she's at risk for a lot of complications. She'd need round the clock care for the next several months. You'd have to prepare yourself for the fact that some of these complications could be, _permanent_ ,"

"I don't care, do what you have to do to save the baby," Mark orders.

"You can't just make that kind of decision!" Arizona argues.

"I can and I will, it's my baby and my family and-"

"No stop! This isn't your family and it sure as hell isn't your baby!"

" _It is my baby_! I was there for Callie, you weren't!"

"Oh, you were there alright, you were there screwing my girlfriend!"

"Says the woman who left her in the middle of a freakin airport; face it Robbins, you're nothing. That is _my_ child in there with Torres, _my_ child! You? You're nothing!"

"ENOUGH!" Addison shouts.

" _I_ am Callie's doctor, and I say we save the baby, case closed end of discussion,"

"But-" Arizona argues as Addison holds up a hand.

"No buts. I don't have time for you to stand here and sling insults at one another. You can't make a sound decision, I will and I say I'm going to do everything within my power to save that baby," Addison lets out a harsh breath before leaving the room.

"You heard Montgomery; the baby comes out as soon as Torres is stable," The chief orders.

oOoOo

Addison shook her head as she watched Lucy Fields walk down the hall and back towards the NICU dejectedly. She had one job and she blew it; now Callie's life and the life of her baby lie in the balance. She groaned as she leaned her head against the counter of the nurses' station.

"Rough night? You gave Fields quite the talking to," Bailey asks as she moves to stand beside her friend.

"More like a rough couple of weeks. Between fighting with my husband, my teenage daughter being in rehab after nearly overdosing on drugs, getting pregnant, having an abortion and now this, I need a vacation," Addison says with a sigh.

"Don't' we all; how's Carson doing by the way?" Bailey asks

"She's…as well as can be expected; she decided to stay in rehab a bit longer," Addison sighs.

" _What_? I thought-"

"She said she wasn't ready," Addison shrugs.

"Hey, if she feels like she's not ready then that's a good thing. It means she's taken her recovery into her own hands. That girl's a fighter if I've ever seen one; gets it from her mama," Bailey offers her friend a reassuring smile.

"Thank you, Miranda; I needed to hear that, especially with all of this going on,"

"Torres is tough; she'll pull through. Besides, she's got the best medical team in the country working on her. Hell, she'd better pull through; who's gonna keep me sane when my interns become attendings?" Addison chuckles lightly.

"You _do_ realize they stopped being interns a long time ago, right?"

"They will _always_ be my interns," Bailey says just as Owen walks towards them.

"Alright, looks like we're gonna have to go in sooner than we thought we would," Hunt says as Bailey and Addison sigh.

"What happened?"

"She's starting to show signs of sepsis," Hunt explains.

"We definitely have to get in there and fast if that baby's gonna have a fighting chance,"

"She's headed to the OR, being prepped as we speak," Hunt says

"Well let's get a move on," Bailey says as the three of them head towards the OR.

oOoOo

The OR is just as hectic as the ER was, with Mark and Arizona watching from the gallery, putting more pressure on everyone.

"Alright Addison, you're up first, because we can't do anything about Torres until you make sure that the baby's okay," Hunt says as Addison walks towards her friend, all eyes on her.

"Alright everybody, it's a beautiful day to save lives, especially these two...ten blade," She doesn't miss the faint smile Derek gives her as she uses his famous line.

She works effortlessly, moving as quickly as she can to get the baby out; her heart nearly stops at the sight of her godchild. She's so small, her skin so translucent; she's so frail, and she's not breathing.

"Karev, take the baby, suction and intubate her." She instructs, quickly handing the baby off to her resident.

"How's it going, Addison?"

"Fine; wait...okay, placenta's delivered. Dr. Fields, would you mind closing? I need to tend to the baby,"

"Not a problem Dr. Montgomery," Lucy Fields is determined to impress her, which makes Addison roll her eyes. Once she sees that Fields has made the proper first stitch, she makes her way over to Karev.

"How's she doing?"

"APGAR's 0 and she's still not breathing," Karev mutters.

"Get the smallest ET tube you can find and bring in the Doppler."

"Got it," Karev has just handed her the Doppler when Callie's heart monitor starts blaring out of control.

"What's going on Richard?" Addison doesn't bother looking up from her concentration as she speaks.

"Her pressure bottomed out as soon as Shepherd made his incision," Dr. Webber replies causing Addison to look at her husband. He's nervous, her words earlier seemed to have hit home.

"Fields!" Lucy looks up from her stitches at the sound of Addison's voice.

"Yes?"

"Are you done closing?"

"No, but-"

"I need you to take over for me. This is your chance to prove to me that you're not just some pretty face. _Do_ **not** _screw this up_ ; because if this baby dies on your watch, I'll have your ass do you understand me?"

"Yes, ma'am,"

Once she takes over for Fields, she's strategically placed next to her husband, who seems frozen.

"Derek, Derek, listen to me," she says quietly.

"This is Callie," Derek says, never taking his eyes off of his friend.

"I know," Addison whispers.

"This is Callie, Mark's Callie, our Callie...that's Mark's kid over there,"

"I know that too but Derek, you can do this. Close your eyes and envision where the bleed is. You can do this honey; I've seen you do it a million times before. Just breathe Derek, just breathe." Addison tells him; he pauses for a moment, closing his eyes like she instructed. It takes a moment but he finally opens his eyes.

"Alright I've got it; I need some suction in here, now!" Derek says as everyone begins to scatter, doing what they can to make sure that both Callie and her baby are alright.

"I'm done here...Derek?"

"I just need a second; one more stitch...got it. Alright good job everyone, Torres is gonna be okay," Derek says, staring at the woman on the table. Something about the way he looks at Callie tells Addison that everything may not be okay.

oOoOo

"You lied in there Derek; what's really going on with Callie?" Addison asks once they're alone in the scrub room.

"She'll be fine, I think,"

" _You think_? What the hell do you mean you think!?"

"I lost it, Addison! In that OR I lost it for a second because I looked up and I saw Mark and all I could think about was how you two betrayed me! All I could think about was how you kept such a big secret from me! I just, _why, Addison_?" Derek's eyes are swimming with tears as he asks the question.

"Derek," she says with a sigh; her voice cracks when she speaks his name. She reaches for his hands as he allows her to grab them as they stare into one another's eyes.

"You lied to me," he whispers quietly, his eyes stinging with tears.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't tell you because I never thought that we'd end up together again. I thought that if, that if I didn't tell you, that I could spare you any more pain. I'd hurt you enough when I cheated the first time; I wanted to spare you the pain of being hurt by my actions again. I didn't wanna give you false hope on something I knew would never happen. You'd already been through one loss with Meredith; I didn't wanna see you get hurt again."

"So you thought-"

"After the shooting and with Emily…I never thought we'd end up together again. Derek, I'm sorry and I'll keep saying I'm sorry until you believe me," she tells him, tears glistening in her eyes as he stares back at her.

"I know I said I forgive you, and I do but, it's going to take a long time for you to earn my trust back," Derek says, leaning forward to press a kiss to her cheek before exiting the scrub room.

oOoOoOo

It takes some time but, slowly, Callie and baby Sofia slowly begin down the road to recovery. Sofia's recovery will take longer than Callie's, seeing as she was born 17 weeks early. Addison is in the NICU, getting Sofia's vital signs the next morning when Mark walks in.

"Look at you, I never thought I'd see the day when Mark Sloan was voluntarily in a pink gown," she says with a smile

"Oh, Haha Red; how's she doin?"

"Good, her weight's not where I want it to be but, it's getting there,"

"How's her breathing?" Mark asks, peering over his friend's shoulder to get a good look at his daughter.

"It's pretty good; she's on a low flow of O2 so, she's making progress,"

"Thank You, Addison," Mark says quietly.

"Mark, you don't have to thank me. She's my godchild, and you're one of my best friends, so is Callie,"

"No, I mean, you could've said no. I know you and Derek hit a rough patch because you told him about what really happened in New York and-"

"Mark, stop it; this is my mess, let me fix it. I should've told Derek what really happened when we decided to get back together. You, you just worry about your little girl and Callie,"

"I will, but it doesn't mean I'm not gonna worry about you too," Mark says, wrapping an arm around her as she rests her head against him.

"You feelin okay, Addison?" Mark looks up at her suspiciously.

"Yeah, just a little tired, why?" She lets out a huge yawn in response.

"You look, thin; smaller, you look a little pale too,"

"Mark, I've been working around the clock trying to save your daughter's life so of course, I'm gonna-"

"No this is different; you look..." Mark shakes his head but Addison is curious.

"Mark, what is it?"

"You're gonna think I'm crazy but, you look like you did when you first got pregnant with Carson," Mark says as the realization of what he's saying hits her like a ton of bricks.

She's late; really, really late. In fact, she hasn't had a period since just before she told Derek about the abortion.

"Red, you okay?"

"I'm late," she says quietly.

"What?"

"I said _I'm late_ , Mark," She straightens up and heads for the door.

"Addison, what's going on? What's-"

"I'll be back, and if anything crazy happens while I'm gone page me, immediately," she tells Mark before quickly leaving the NICU.

She discreetly makes her way to the supply closet, searching until she finds what she's looking for. Once she finds it, she makes sure that the hallway is clear before sneaking off into the attending's locker room and into the bathroom. She stares down at the little box, unsure as to what to make of her possible new found discovery. Lifting up her shirt, she definitely notices that her boobs are a bit fuller, and tenderer. It's been weeks since she and Derek had sex but...she hasn't had a period since then. She's in her 40's, so menopause could be setting in. She sighs heavily before taking the pregnancy tests out of their respective boxes. This was it, the moment of truth…

oOoOo

"Hey, you got a minute?" she asks Derek a couple of hours later as he stands outside of Callie's room, writing post-op notes.

"Sure, what is it?" Derek asks as she softly plants a kiss to his lips, turning a few heads in the process.

"Addison, what's going on?"

"Come with me," she says leading him by the hand as they walk away.

"Karev!" Alex looks up from his conversation with Arizona when he hears his attending calling him.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"You got a minute? I need you for a consult,"

"Sure," Alex says with a shrug, as the two of them, along with Derek, stop outside of an exam room.

"I need you two to stand outside of this door for 5 minutes before you come in," she instructs as both men look at her like she's crazy.

"Addison, what's going on?" Derek asks her with a sigh.

"You'll see," she says before entering the exam room; Derek looks at Alex as though he knows what's going on.

"What are you lookin at me for? She's your wife; I'm just her resident,"

"She may be my wife but, that doesn't mean I know what she's thinking these days,"

"Look, Montgomery's a complicated woman; I'm sure whatever she did to piss you off, she didn't do it intentionally. Dude, she loves you, more than anything; any idiot can see that..." Alex says just as their 5 minutes are up.

"Montgomery, is it safe to come in yet?"

"Come in,"

Neither Derek nor Alex are prepared for what they find: Addison in a gown, her feet in the stirrups.

"Okay, I sure as hell wasn't expecting that," Alex says, closing the door behind him as Derek stands there in shock.

"Addison, are you-"

"I took two tests a couple of hours ago and, I needed some confirmation," she says softly.

"Okay, but that doesn't explain why I'm here...oh, yes it does," Alex says as the realization hits him.

"You're gonna let Karev-"

"Derek, relax. I taught Alex everything he knows and, he's one of the few people in this hospital who can keep his mouth shut. Plus, I couldn't find Bailey and Callie's clearly out of the question so, Karev was my only other option," Addison says with a shrug.

It doesn't take Alex long to get suited up as he takes a seat in front of Addison, Derek near her head.

"I still don't like the idea of Karev doing this but..."

"Derek, it'll be fine…well Karev, what's the verdict?"

"Oh yeah, you're definitely pregnant Montgomery, I'd say 4, maybe 5 weeks," Alex says to her as she and Derek stare at the screen.

"Wow, that's our baby," Derek says in amazement.

"Yeah, that's our baby,"

"But I thought you said-"

"Naomi told me it'd be close to impossible with my age and, what happened in New York but, I am; I'm pregnant Derek," Addison looks up at her husband, trying to gauge his reaction. He surprises her by leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her lips as his tears fall onto her cheeks.

"I love you, I love you so much and-" Addison silences him, placing a finger on his lips.

"Derek, anything could happen, I'm well past the age of having children and-" Derek kisses her once more, forcing Karev to turn away.

"Let's not talk about that or think about it. Let's just enjoy the fact that we're gonna be parents again," Derek is wearing a stupid grin on his face as Addison lets out a tearful laugh before her eyes are focused on the screen again.

"Heartbeat looks good, everything is on track developmentally," She whispers as Derek squeezes her hand.

"We're having another baby," Derek marvels.

"Yeah, we're having another baby,"

 _Chapter 15 to follow…_

* * *

 **Surprise! An Addek baby! Isn't that a sweet surprise? Think of it as a 'thank you for letting me not update for almost an entire year' gift LOL. This chapter's been sitting in my docs since probably 2012, 2013 but I feel like y'all earned it. There's a bit more dark stuff coming but I promise that everything will have a beautiful ending.**

 **See you in Chapter 15!**

 **Xx**


	15. Chapter 15

Seattle-Two Months Later

It feels weird, finally going home but, she feels ready.

She'd been lucky that she didn't have to share a room with someone (she has the strong urge that a private room was at her mother's request) but it doesn't mean she didn't feel lonely. The room has sort of become her own in the five-and-a-half months she's been here. It feels a lot like home; it's the size of a standard college dorm but it held a piece of her. Though it's completely against the rules, some of the other kids here turn their rooms into a space that makes them feel comfortable and Carson had done the same. She'd bought some linen and other things from Target; she was able to get some DIY things from Hobby Lobby and soon enough, it had become her little sanctuary.

Now she was leaving and going home.

"You alright in here?" she looks up at the sound of Julie's voice; Trina's not far behind her. She'd kinda figured that they were together, or at least liked one another but decided not to say anything.

"Yeah, just…is it weird that going home feels weird?" Julie shakes her head, gives her one of those smiles she feels are reserved just for her.

"You've been here for quite some time; it's comfortable, which is exactly why you need to go home. Can't risk you possibly relapsing and whatnot,"

"People relapse while in rehab?" Julie and Trina share a look before chuckling softly.

"All the time," they say simultaneously.

"You've made too much progress; you've outgrown this place," Trina gives her a warm smile.

"But if I ever need to come back-"

"You won't because I don't wanna see you back here, ya hear? You are too damn smart and have too much talent to be here. Go out there and be great…didn't you say you wanted to be a surgeon like your parents?" Carson frowns a little.

"Actually…" Trina shakes her head.

"If being a surgeon is what you wanted before all of this, don't let this keep you from it. You've got all the tools you'll need; you've got my number and Julie's, and neither one of us won't hesitate to find you and kick your ass," Carson lets out a small chuckle before moving towards the bed, reaching down to grab the gift bags she'd been holding on to.

"These are for you guys….I actually paid attention during that stupid arts and crafts class. I know it's not much but-"

"Thank you, it's beautiful," Julie gives her that smile again before surprising her and giving her a hug.

"I'm glad you like it now, when are you two gonna get married, or at least go out on a date?" Julie and Trina share a look before letting out a long laugh.

"Honey, Trina and I haven't been a couple in ages," Julie is grinning at her as Carson looks completely bewildered.

"We're actually divorced," Trina says sheepishly, leaving Carson's mouth agape.

"But, but I thought, you two just seemed so-"

"Perfect for one another?" Julie questions.

"Well…yeah,"

"We got together when we were young, early 20's. Trina was going through some things and-"

"We were a couple for about five years, married for three before we broke it off. We, or rather Julie realized that commitment wasn't her thing," Carson doesn't miss the slight eye roll Trina sends Julie's way.

"What she's trying to say is that I cheated and she realized she was bisexual,"

"But you guys are so…friendly, I thought-"

"We've hooked up a time or two but, I'm not the settling down into domesticity kind of gal. I realized that I didn't wanna give up being single and unattached and decided not to be selfish by staying with Trina when I knew she wanted just that," There's a look shared between them.

"It took us a while to fall back into this…friendship thing but, we'd been friends for a while before we started dating and, I missed my old friend," Their hands' lace together for a second before slipping apart.

"Besides, we couldn't be together anyway; Trina's married,"

"You are?" Trina nods.

"Yeah, an amazing guy named Gavin; I have a nine-year-old son Ben with my fiancé who died-"

"So wait, you were married to Julie, engaged to someone who died and you're married again?" Trina chuckles.

"I am; Gavin and I have been together since Ben was three; we have a set of three-year-old twins together, Harper and Mason. He's also helping me raise my godson, Landon,"

"And you?" Carson looks over at Julie who shifts uncomfortably.

"I'm…seeing someone," Julie's rather tight-lipped about her personal life, makes it a habit not to talk to her patients about anything remotely close to her own life unless she feels like it would help them. However, for Carson, she'll indulge, just this once.

"I've got an eleven-year-old Fawn; her dad and I have this on-again-off-again thing going on," Julie says it with a roll of her eyes as Trina tries very hard not to smirk.

They continue with the small talk until Julie and Trina realize that Carson is stalling.

"Your ride should be here any second, stop procrastinating and get to the lobby," Julie chides with a shake of her head. They say their goodbyes and Carson is grabbing her luggage and headed to the main entrance.

oOoOo

This was the last thing Drew Foster was expecting to be doing on Saturday afternoon.

Yet here he is, making the 20-minute drive to Ryther Child Center to pick up his girlfriend, correction, ex-girlfriend, from rehab. Still, when she'd sent him that letter six weeks ago, telling him just where she'd been (it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she'd gone to rehab; he'd come to see her while she was in the hospital) and what she'd done, not to mention that she'd gotten pregnant and aborted the baby-his baby.

That in itself prompted Drew to seek her out, to talk to her parents, who painfully told him what happened and set up a meeting with Carson. She looked…good when he saw her, like the girl he'd fallen in love with the summer before his junior year. Still, he couldn't get over what she'd done to him, to their baby. She'd betrayed him and it hurt; he said things to her, terrible things and yet, he was slowly pulling up to the rehab entrance to take her home. She looked just as nervous as he felt, good. Still, he couldn't hide the fact that she was absolutely gorgeous as she slid into the passenger side of his truck.

"Thanks for offering to pick me up," Her voice is quiet as she buckles up her seatbelt.

He can't help but look at how much different she looks. Her cheeks are fuller, her hair is shorter, she seems like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. And her eyes, they don't look as pained as they did before. He sighs heavily, unsure of what to say because what can he say?

"I have a girlfriend; her name's Casey Olsen, she goes to-"

"University Prep, I've heard of her, I've actually met her a few times. Remember, Mariah's cousin Olivia goes to University Prep and the Girl's Volleyball team has played them a couple of time too," Drew mutters a 'shit' under his breath and Carson chuckles.

"It's okay Drew, after what I did to you, nobody would blame you for moving on. From what I've seen of her, at least on the court and from that one party last summer she seems…nice," Drew turns to look at her while they're at a red light and sighs.

"Look, I didn't mean to hurt you but-" Carson presses a hand to his lips and smiles.

"I hurt you, a lot; I aborted your baby and didn't even tell you,"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why'd you do it, have an abortion?"

"Because at first, I thought, I thought the baby was Michael's…but while I was in rehab I talked about it and did the math and realized it wasn't his, it was yours," Drew shakes his head as he drives through the green light.

"You could've told me y'know,"

"That's where you're wrong; I wasn't ready for a baby Drew and if we're honest, neither are you,"

"You don't know that,"

"Drew, you're 18, you're a senior in high school, the captain of the football team. You're looking at a full ride to Harvard; you've gotten offers from Brown, MIT, Stanford, Yale. Me telling you that I think I might be pregnant with your baby after I'd done what I did…it would've ruined you. Plus, I don't think either of our parents would've been thrilled about me being pregnant. I mean, your mother never liked me anyway," Carson says with a roll of her eyes.

"Hey, my mom likes you plenty; when she heard you were in the hospital, she lit a candle every night and went to mass twice a week,"

"And when she found that letter?" Drew looks over at his ex-girlfriend sheepishly.

"She uh, she doesn't know," Carson's eyes widen.

"Wait, what? Your mother doesn't know that I was pregnant?" Drew shakes his head slowly.

"I didn't…it wasn't her business,"

"Yes it was, you're her son. Wait, does she even know where you are right now?" Drew lets out a long sigh.

"No; she thinks I'm at Shawn's studying for finals,"

"And your girlfriend?"

"She knows where I am,"

"And she's just…okay with you coming to pick your drug addicted-"

"You're sober now,"

"So she's okay with you picking up your former drug-addicted ex-girlfriend who almost got pregnant and aborted your baby?"

"…I didn't say she knew you were on drugs or that I got you pregnant and you had an abortion,"

"So where does she think you're picking me up from?"

"Rehab,"

"But you just said-"

"All she and everybody else at school know is that you were in a terrible accident and you've been in physical therapy for the last few months,"

"Drew-"

"Your parents said that you were jet skiing on the lake one weekend and another boat ran into you,"

"And people just…believed it?"

"Well, not everybody but, after I told them I'd been to see you and told them what happened, they believed it," Carson shook her head and sighed.

"Drew, you shouldn't-"

"Look, just because you did some really fucked up things, doesn't mean I stopped caring," Carson closes her eyes to blink back the tears because dammit she will not cry, she will not let him see her like this. Most of all, she won't give in to the urge to hug him and kiss him, because he has a new girlfriend and has moved on with his life. She doesn't want to hurt him further and honestly, she needs time to heal and forgive herself.

"Drew-"

"I had no idea you were holding onto so much stuff with what happened to your sister, and the shooting and your parents' divorce,"

"I was blaming myself for things that were beyond my control," Drew spares a glance over at her.

"And now?"

"Now…I pick up and move on with my life, which means letting you do the same," she says just as they pull up in front of her house. Drew shuts off the engine but makes no move to open her door just yet. Instead, he turns to look at her, really and truthfully look at her.

"Carson-" She leans forward and impulsively kisses him and it's like nostalgia, like magic. It feels so easy just to fall back into what's comfortable and no, no, they won't have that. She pulls away as quickly as she'd initiated the kiss.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," Drew simply smiles at her and she can see it in his eyes, the way he aches and years for her to do it again.

"We shouldn't go down this road again Drew," He sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair.

"I should hate you; you lied to me, cheated on me, you broke my heart. You got addicted to drugs, got pregnant, with my baby and had an abortion. I should be filled with rage and hate towards you but…all I wanna do is love you," Carson turns away from him, unable to stop the tears that are now at bay.

"Drew…"

"I know, I know, I have a girlfriend and a future to think about," He says it dejectedly with a roll of his eyes.

"Nobody's asked me what I wanted to do y'know, not even you,"

"Drew, I want what's best for you,"

"And you don't think I want that!?"

"I know you do but Drew…I'm trouble," He shakes his head, his own tears forming.

"No you're not; I know you, Car. You just hit a rough patch, that's all," He takes her hands and intertwines them with his own, bringing them to his lips for a kiss.

"I love you, Carson Danielle Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, with you twenty names and your bright red hair and your big dreams and your beautiful smile. I love you and I have never been surer of anything in my life," Carson lets out a sob before resting her forehead against his.

"And I love you Drew, so, so much…which is why I have to let you go,"

"Carson-"

"I can't, not right now; I need, I need to figure out me. I need to be with my family, I have to focus on school,"

"Babe, please-"

"Don't think of it as forever; think of it like this: if our love is as strong as I think it is, then we'll be together again,"

"Then I'll wait-"

"No,"

"Yes, yes I will; I'll wait," Carson sighs heavily.

"Drew-"

"No, I'm, I'm gonna go to college and-"

"And you're gonna keep dating Casey; she seems nice," Drew shakes his head.

"I can't date Casey if I'm still hung up on you,"

"You've been dating her all this time haven't you?" Carson gives him a little smirk as he grins back at her.

"I really do like her,"

"So keep dating her; we can still be-"

"No, we can't and we both know it,"

"You're right, we can't, but we are gonna be going to the same school again,"

"You're coming back?"

"It's something I'm thinking about talking over with my parents,"

"Is that really wise?"

"Surprisingly, I stayed on track with all of my assignments before…and I did schoolwork while I was in there so, I could go back,"

"But are you ready?"

"I, I'm still thinking over. I mean, I've already missed homecoming and prom and winter formal so, I could just wait until next year…if I even go back to Blanchet," Drew frowns.

"You're not gonna go back to Blanchet?"

"I dunno; like I said, I've got a lot think over and to talk to my parents about,"

"Well, don't let me keep you from doing that; your mom was nice enough to let me bring you home, and it's already past dusk so…" Oh, right, Drew is giving her an out.

"Yeah, uh, thanks for this…and I meant what I said Drew; if this is meant to be then-"

"Then it'll happen exactly the way it's supposed to," He leans forward, gives her one final kiss on the forehead-before getting out and opening the door for her. He helps her get her luggage into the foyer before they hug one final time and part ways.

oOoOo

After Drew's gone she stands there, taking everything in. They've lived in this house for nearly two years but still, Carson drinks in every inch of it. She simply stands there in the foyer, nothing out of place; just as it had been since the day they'd moved in. The walls are still that warm, inviting White color with the crown molding on the ceiling and the baseboards. To her right is the staircase with the balcony that extends across to the other side of the hall.

The same family photo lines the front wall just as you enter the living room; it's a photo of the four of them-her mom, her dad, Ryan, and herself-from way back when they still lived in New York. But the location is different; they're at the house in the Hamptons. Carson couldn't have been more than six or seven if her missing two front teeth are any indication. She guesses that Ryan can't be more than two, three at best. She smiles fondly at how small he used to be, with his curly hair and chubby cheeks. She remembers this photo so well because Mark had taken it. It was probably one of the last times her parents were ever truly happy. They'd gone up to their house in the Hamptons as they usually did Labor Day Weekend. The last family trip before school started for Carson and her parents got busy with their work and she started spending her weeknights with Iliana the nanny. Her mother is slightly younger, looks much happier, so does her father. The smile actually reaches his eyes in this photo; he'd smiled in all of the other photos but the smile didn't reach his eyes, not like it did in this one. Her parent's body language suggests nothing but love; she remembers after taking the photo how her parents stayed close, holding one another, lightly kissing. She thought that they'd be together forever, like the fairy tales she used to read about.

How quickly things change she thought to herself.

She stands there, soaking up everything, every good and bad moment, even the ones that didn't happen in this house. She thinks over every decision she's made over the last two years and it brings tears to her eyes that she quickly wipes away. She allows the emotions to run through her, no longer running away from them as she did before. She feels the curls of anxiety rush through her. She feels her subconscious tell her that she shouldn't be here, that everything that happened was her fault. However, she's stronger, doesn't need drugs to calm her down. She simply closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and counts to ten.

 _One_. She thinks of all of the good memories, of her family, of her friends; all of the good moments of her life.

 _Two_. She thinks of her mother, her laugh, her smile of how her presence alone could soothe any aching balm in her heart.

 _Three_. She thinks of her father, of his strength and his courage. She thinks of how he'd jump in piles of leaves with her, of their conspiratory conversations, of late nights watching him as he went over notes for surgery

 _Four_. She thinks of Ryan, of how she felt when she'd finally learned she was getting a baby brother. She thinks of the day he was born and holding him; she thinks of playing Call of Duty with him, of sharing popcorn during movies, and pillow fights and laughter, so much laughter

 _Five_. She thinks of Drew, of the first time they met, of their first kiss, of lying in his arms after they'd had sex for the first time, he thinks of time spent on his parent's boat talking about their dreams for the future

 _Six_. She thinks of Kevin, of his smile, of how he taught her how to properly shoot a gun. She thinks of weekends in LA and him on the grill, of how he looked at her mother with love, as if he could the rest of his life with her, with she and Ryan.

 _Seven_. She thinks of Uncle Mark, of all the laughs and secrets she's shared with him, of all the Yankees games he'd taken her to over the years. She thinks of how he'd taught her to hail a cab at just nine. She thinks of New York pizza and hot dogs in Times Square and Manhattan and Brooklyn. She thinks of Coney Island and climbing the top of the empire state building and the Statue of Liberty.

 _Eight_. She thinks of everyone at Oceanside Wellness, of Sam and Naomi, and Cooper and Charlotte, and Pete and Violet and Sheldon and Dell and her Aunt Amelia. She thinks of late nights spent at the practice in the kitchen, of parties thrown on her mom's deck.

 _Nine_. She thinks back to their trip to the Hamptons, the last one they took as a family, where her parents still looked at each other with love with their eyes.

 _Ten_. She thinks of her little sister Emily, who'd be nearing a year old if she'd lived. She thinks of those sweet chubby cheeks. She thinks of the little laugh she had, of all of the selfies taken on her phone of the two of them. She thinks of raspberry kisses and cuddles and tiny fingers tangled into her hair.

When she opens her eyes she looks at that photo again, tells herself that she belongs here, that this is home.

"Mom? Dad? I'm home!"

 _Chapter 16 to follow…_

* * *

 **Carson's home, yay!**

 **So I have to tell ya, this chapter was supposed to entirely different. We were originally supposed to go really dark before it got any better BUT, when I read the last chapter I decided that we were in a good place and that it wouldn't make sense to go any darker than we've already gone. I've been working on this story off and on since about 2013. I've uploaded it, taken it down, revamped and rewrote this story at least six times since I started it. I had a plan but I let it go out of the window and went what felt right. So, those few chapters I had planned on adding here will be turned into an AU fic that I plan on posting shortly after I complete this one. I feel like this chapter was really nice and is the perfect way to start our journey to the end. In Chapter 16, we'll see Carson united with her parents, we'll learn more about Baby Shepherd and after that, we'll probably officially end the story with Chapter 17. Don't worry, you'll get a nice little epilogue with some footnotes. I'll try and make the next two chapters nice and long for you guys. I can't believe we're almost at the end of this story. Whew! I honestly never thought we'd get here but, here we are.**

 **I can't wait for you guys to read chapter 16, I'm feeling like it's gonna be a tear-jerker, in a good way of course.**

 **See you guys for the next chapter!**

 **Xx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi guys!**

 **So this is the last OFFICIAL chapter of Fighting Our Way. Can you guys believe it!? I did some math to give us a bit of a timeline. According to my math, I'd say we're right at in the middle of season 8. That means it's roughly around Thanksgiving 2012. I also need to clarify a few things concerning Carson. Carson was born in December 1994; I accidentally said that Carson was 16 in Regret. Anywho, that little error aside, Carson is 17-years-old. Addison is roughly about three months pregnant. I also realized that based on canon, Sofia was supposed to be born in Season 7, BUT, since this so far has been largely Canon Divergent, we're gonna leave things like they are. That said, Sofia should be about seven or eight weeks old.**

 **I can't believe this is the end, thank you guys so much for sticking with me as we bring this fic. It's been a wild ride writing this fic; it's technically six years old. Again, I wanna thank each and every person who has stuck with me as I wrote this crazy little fic about the Montgomery-Shepherd's. Thank you for all of your reviews, your favorites, and follows. I hope that the official ending makes you all happy and I hope you enjoy the epilogues.**

 **See ya for the finale!**

 **Xx**

 **P.S. There's Addek sex below…you're welcome.**

* * *

 _Mom? Dad? I'm home!_

Derek heard her voice first; he tried hard not to rush to the door like a kid on Christmas but when Addison glanced over at him, the excitement in his eyes easy to see, she stood.

"Mom, what's going on?"

They're in the backyard under the patio; the fire pit is keeping them warm from the November air. It's the day before Thanksgiving and they're having a quiet night in before they go to Joe's of all places, to celebrate the big holiday. Ryan glances over at his parents but then he hears the sound as well.

Carson's home

He's up from his seat quicker than either of his parents and is racing back inside to greet his sister.

oOoOo

"Hello? Anyone home?" Carson had placed her suitcase and duffle bag by the front stairs before making her way into the living room. Everything seems as it did before she went to rehab. The room is still that beachy White color (her mother truly did miss their house in LA; she tried to keep the same ambiance in this house) The only pop of color are the assortment of pillows in the bay window. The piano is slightly adjacent to the bay window; there's a large White couch and a matching chair visible from the foyer, carefully facing the fireplace. The fireplace was surprisingly lit. That's weird, she thinks to herself; her parents don't light the fireplace unless they're home.

"Hello?" Her voice carries a slight echo, which grabs the attention of Clash, their gray Great Dane, who comes bounding into the living room, topping Carson to the ground; she laughs and takes his happy licks in stride.

"Hi, Clash! Hiya buddy! Did you miss me, because I certainly missed you, big guy," Carson is on her knees, giving the dog an affectionate belly rub.

"Where is everybody Clash?" Carson scratches behind his ears, though she looks up at the sound of racing feet. Her eyes well with tears when she spots her brother Ryan running towards her before hurling himself into her arms.

"Geez, you'd think I went to war or something!" She laughs good-naturedly as she hugs her younger brother.

"Have you gotten taller and…are you wearing aftershave?" Carson frowns when she smells the all too familiar scent of her father's aftershave on her younger brother.

"No, but I am wearing cologne though," Ryan grins; when they stand she realizes he's nearly half her height.

"If you're taller than me by the time you reach eighth grade, I'm gonna be pissed," She playfully pulls him into a headlock, sending them both to the ground again as they laugh hysterically.

"I see some things never change," and there he is her father; Carson's heart soars when she sees that smile, the one that actually reaches his eyes. Ryan, of course, lets her go, grinning from ear to ear as she runs into their father's arms. Derek's reflexes are quick; Carson hugs him like she would when she was little, legs around his waist and all.

"I've missed you so much sweetie," Carson lets out a choked sob.

"I missed you too daddy, so much,"

"I'm glad you're home," Derek mutters into her hair, taking a moment to run his fingers through it. Though Carson has been alive and well, he never thought he'd have the opportunity to do this again.

"Me too, where's mom?" Carson has since disentangled herself from her father's arms and is now settled on the ground, Ryan next to her; she's got a feeling he's never gonna let her out of his site.

"She's uh-"

"She's right here; welcome home sweetheart," Addison is standing in the archway of the kitchen, a serene smile on her face as Carson moves rushes towards her. It's a beautiful moment really, the two redheaded women in a tearful embrace. After a few moments, Addison pulls back to stare into her daughter's eyes murmuring a quiet,

"I've missed you so much," Carson manages to choke out a soft 'I've missed you too' before she's back in her mother's arms.

It feels good to be home.

oOoOo

They return to the patio outside and chat; Carson and Ryan are both snuggled underneath Addison, who is relishing in having both of her children back home. Order seems to have been restored back into the Shepherd house. Derek is sitting across from them, taking in every second of this, this third-second chance he seems to have been given with his family. He only wishes that little Emily were with them. And though his heart aches at the loss of his baby girl, he has since rationalized that, in a cruel way, had Emily lived, he probably wouldn't be experiencing this moment with Addison and their children, and he most certainly wouldn't be filled with love for the child his wife is currently carrying.

Speaking of children…

Derek finally takes a moment to catch Addison's eye; right, they have yet to tell either of their children about their future brother or sister. They silently communicate with one another before deciding that now's the perfect moment to tell them.

"Guys," Derek's voice causes Carson and Ryan to look up at their father.

"Yeah, dad, what's up?" Carson's wearing a curious look, one that reminds him so much of Addison.

"So uh, your mother and I have something very important to discuss with you," This is what really gets their attention.

"Is everything okay between the two of you dad?" Carson is now absently scratching at Clash's ears. He can see the apprehension in her face, Ryan's too.

"Everything's fine with your mom and I it's just…" Derek pauses, unsure of how to start this conversation, that is, until Addison casually blurts it out.

"Guys I'm pregnant," Both children's eyes widen as they turn to stare at their mother in complete surprise.

"You're pregnant?" Carson has to blink several times because that one, she did _not_ see coming.

"Yeah, I uh, I found out a couple of weeks ago; actually, right after we came to visit you," Carson frowns.

"So you're…"

"A little over three months," Addison is beaming, her hand protectively pressed against her belly as Carson and Ryan stare at each other in shock, surprise, and slight excitement.

"Guys, say something." Addison chuckles.

"I think they're in shock Addie," Derek grins.

"I think we all are; I was pretty sure we were done having kids," She and Derek share a look; they're slowly learning to work past her transgressions in New York. It's still hard but, they're thankful for this second chance to raise a child together, even if they're in their 40's with two teenage children.

"Guys…" Carson is the first to break the silence with a laugh.

"Wow. I mean… _a baby_? Mom, you're like-"

"Yes Carson, I know I'm 44," Addison rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

"I didn't even think they still did that," Ryan's face is scrunched up into confusion as Derek and Addison laugh.

"Watch it; we're not _that_ old Ryan," Derek reaches out to ruffle his son's hair.

"Are you guys happy at least?" Addison's voice is slightly serious as she watches her children stare at each other. Sensing the growing possibility of tension, Derek tries to explain.

"Look, guys, this was a shock for us; like you learned when we came to visit, your mom was pretty sure she couldn't have any more kids,"

"So how'd she get pregnant?" Derek and Addison share a look and chuckle as they think back on the night they'd conceived their third child.

 _Three-and-a-Half Months Ago_

 _It's the heat that does it._

 _The sweltering heat of August mixed with Seattle's inability to not be rainy, on top of the humidity of the summer. Carson has just gone to rehab and Ryan is spending a few weeks in California with Amelia of all people. So, Addison and Derek are alone, utterly and completely alone in their huge house._

 _And they're currently not speaking._

 _Sure, they go to counseling, though Derek hardly ever talks, and they come home together and have dinner and sleep in the same bed, but they don't talk. In fact, this may be worse than the time they tried counseling during their first marriage. Tonight after counseling they had dinner and Derek retreated straight up to the study, which is where Addison finds him._

" _I'm going to bed soon, you coming?" She studies him closely; he shoulders are hunched in as he looks at his computer over what appear to be surgery notes. After a few moments, he looks up at her, though there's something in his eyes that's…different._

" _Yeah, I'll be there in a second," and it's familiar, this finding one another so that they can go to bed together. It's a practiced dance they learned early on in New York when they first bought the brownstone. Even when their marriage was falling apart, they still waited for one another to come to bed._

 _Addison moves to sit on the couch in Derek's study; it's an ugly thing really, painted in a hideous blue and the material is this god awful leather. She hates the couch, absolutely_ **hates** _it._

" _I can feel your frustration for my couch all the way over here y'know," she looks up at the sound of Derek's voice and shakes her head._

" _It really is an awful couch Derek," there's a slight fondness in her voice when she speaks to him._

" _I'll be ready in just a second," his voice is absent; he's scribbling down notes for whatever kind of surgery he has coming up (probably something tomorrow). Addison pushes herself off of the couch and moves to stand behind his chair._

" _Surgery notes?" She unconsciously leans forward and wraps her arms around his shoulders, pressing her chin into the spot just beside his neck._

 _But what she finds him looking at causes her to freeze._

 _His laptop has multiple tabs open; one on the abortion pill, another on drug overdoses._

" _Derek, what are you doing?" He lets out a long sigh and shifts, Addison shifting with him._

" _I know she's in rehab but, I can't shake what happened Addie," Suddenly, Addison can't breathe. She can't look at those tabs and not forget seeing Carson's lifeless body on her bedroom floor. She can't forget the look in Miranda's eyes as she'd quietly explained that Carson had gotten an abortion._

" _Derek, why are you looking at this?" She's moved to sit back down on the couch now, unable to stop shaking her head._

" _I don't know I just…this doesn't seem real; how did we become such terrible parents?" Derek is sitting beside her, his elbows pressed into his knees._

" _I don't know but, Derek, you can't keep torturing me, yourself…don't try and figure it out," With that, Addison stands up and heads for the door._

" _Did you just tell me not to try and figure out why my daughter's in rehab?"_

" _Derek, I didn't mean it like that I just meant-"_

" _I'm sorry, I can't pretend it never happened Addison," and that does it; she's not sure if it's the heat or the insult of his words but she lets him have it._

" **How dare you** _!? I don't talk about what happened because I don't care, I don't talk about it because it hurts to even think about the fact that my daughter,_ **my baby** _, is in rehab Derek. So excuse me for not being_ **sadistic** _and wanting to replay the worst moment of my_ **entire life** _over and over!" Their breathing is labored as he moves towards her, slowly shaking his head. He surprises her though by reaching out to touch her cheek._

" _Derek…" she says his name softly, her eyes full of curiosity and pain._

 _What happens next surprises them both; Derek pulls her close and kisses her. It's been a long time since she's been kissed like this. Sure, she and Derek have kissed since getting back together, but it's always been cordial, respectful, guarded. But now that it's just them in their home, he kisses her with fervor, like he hasn't kissed her in years. When she realizes this isn't just a chaste kiss, her knees buckle a bit and she lets out a satisfied moan. Derek's tongue runs along Addison's bottom lip before she opens her mouth for him, a welcomed taste. They stand there and kiss, hands wandering, tangling into each other's hair before Derek blindly leads them back towards that ugly sofa and no, that just won't do._

" _Floor," Addison mumbles as Derek looks at her strangely._

" _What?" His voice comes out in a chuckle; his hands are busy untying her robe._

" _The floor Derek; that couch is hideous and I don't wanna-"_

" **Really, Addison** _? We're about to have sex and you're thinking about how_ **ugly** _the sofa is?" Addison rolls her eyes and sighs._

" _Fine," She turns them so that Derek's knees hit the edge of the sofa, forcing him to sit down first as she climbs on top of him._

 _Her robe is the first thing to go and Derek is grateful; she's braless in a thin cotton tank, giving him easy access to her breasts. His hands wander and linger, rubbing up and down her arms and shoulders before he slips the straps of her top down. He reaches behind her and pulls her into his lap fully so that she's firmly pressed against his growing erection. The feel of him is enough to make her moan, her hips rocking into his voluntarily. Derek is busy planting kisses along the column of her neck to her chest as she arches into his touch. He moves his kisses from her neck to her lips while his hands go underneath her top, tugging over her head so that she's bare to him._

 _She presses her chest into his but he pulls back, drinking her in for a moment. There's a stillness in the air as they take time to marvel at each other. Slowly, Addison's hands move underneath his shirt; she smirks a little at the way he shivers under her touch. She drags the shirt up his stomach, her nails scraping along his ribs as they go. There's a thrill that rushes straight to her core when he lets out a growl. Soon enough they're both shirtless as their hands roam and explore like it's their first time again. Derek starts a slow grind of their hips that quickly turns into the two of them dry humping one another until they can't take it._

 _They quickly disentangle from one another to shed boxers and panties. However, Addison ends up on the couch and does all she can to suppress an eye roll. However, thoughts of the hideous couch are completely gone when she feels Derek's fingers trailing along her thighs up to her breasts. He gives her nipples a few twists and tugs that send bolts of pleasure shooting through Addison. It takes her a second to remember that there's no one here but the two of them. Soon enough, her moans and cries are echoing off the walls and down the hallway (no need to close or lock the door if there are no children home). Derek is taking his time, riling her up before he actually does what she wants. He's still kissing her, murmuring how much he loves her, how beautiful she is between kisses. He shuffles off of the couch and onto his knees on the floor when he gets to her sternum. Addison readjusts herself so that her back is sitting against the couch, her thighs spread open for him._

" _Derek, you're being a tease," her voice is throaty and she's writhing; her back is arching off the sofa and he's barely touched her._

" _Patience Addie," his voice is muffled from where his lips are kissing up and down her thighs. He does sneak his tongue out to lick at the hinge of her inner legs where hips and thighs meet. It's torturously slow, but he knows that the more he tortures and teases her, the wetter she'll be; he always knows how to get her nice and wet. By the time he actually does begin kissing and licking at her folds, her body is tense and her senses are on overload. He wouldn't need to do much but just like at her-_ **oh** _, that's more like it-Derek's tongue is finally teasing at her clit and yes, that feels wonderful, causes her back to arch off the sofa, her breasts a perfect sight for him._

 _He licks and laps and suckles at her clit and at her folds to the point where he's glad their children aren't home, because the noises their mother is making are quite something. In between her moaning and gripping his head, forcing him to 'stay right there' and ' god don't stop' she notices that he's got one hand stroking himself. It thrills her to know that going down on her is having that kind of effect on him. She comes a few moments later with the help of his perfect surgical fingers and my god what a sensation. Her eyes are screwed shut, but the light behind her eyelids is bursting with color before going white._

" _Oh my god," Addison is a breathless mess; her chest is heaving and she's still having aftershocks, tiny waves of pleasure sweeping through her. Derek is still stroking himself as he shifts to sit up on his knees. However, Addison forces him to stand all the way up, replacing the hand on his cock with her own. She smiles at the groan of satisfaction that tumbles from Derek's lips as his head tilts back. She makes them switch, forces him onto the couch while she's on her knees and strokes him, pulling at his foreskin a bit before her motions become faster. Derek's hand blindly weaves into her hair and she gets the picture; he wants her to suck his cock. She grins up at him and murmurs how she'd love to do nothing more._

 _She's missed this, giving her husband a blowjob, Derek's pretty easy to please but she's learned a couple techniques over the years. She starts at his balls, kissing and sucking them before her tongue is flat on his shaft, licking up to the tip. She teases his head a bit; she licks the precum before bringing her lips over the tip. Derek lets out a loud groan when he feels Addison's lips on his cock. He gives her hair the slightest tug, just as she hollows out her cheeks to take him in fully. Her head bobs at a pretty fast pace, making sure he can feel her tongue flat along his shaft every time she deep throats him. He pulls away when it gets to be too much. He shoves her back onto the sofa, settling himself between her thighs, mumbling how he needs to be inside her, how much he wants to come inside her. The way he's talking to her sends a deep heat pooling into her belly. He takes her leg and puts in on his shoulder, teasing at her clit for a few moments before he sinks into her._

 _It's a bit of a shock but a welcome one at that; the other leg that's currently on the sofa ends up wrapped around his hip. He moves his hand to grip at her thigh as he quickly sets a pace and nope, this won't take long for either of them. The angle gives him good access to hit her G spot while simultaneously grinding against her clit and the sensation is wonderful. He's going so hard and so deep and oh shit, fuck, oh_ **god** _it feels so good. There's pleasure,_ **so much pleasure** _pulsating through her staring at her toes and bursting through her fingertips. Her head grates against the arm of the sofa as she wails out her pleasure. Her hands, she needs something to do with her hands, needs to find something to hold on to, because her body is on fire. She settles for running her hands along his chest, up to his neck, his cheeks, pulling his face down so he can look at her._

" _Derek, god, Derek, don't stop, don't stop," Her voice is breathy and he's huffing and puffing before leaning down to kiss her. He takes the time to give her several quick rapting thrusts. Her hands are at his back now, moving up to his shoulders where she leaves crescent moon nail prints in his shoulders. The leg dangling at his hip is now in his hands; her body is nearly folded in two at this point but he's pistoning in and out of her, can feel the way her walls pulsate against his cock. He needs to come,_ **now;** _he somehow manages to slide a hand between them, rubbing quick circles at her clit and that's it, that's all it takes. She's coming fast and hard; he looks up to watch her, loves the way she cries out, how her back arches into his chest. When he comes, it's with_ _a strangled groan of her name; he_ _spills inside her in hot, deep spurts._

 _They're both breathless and spent by the time he lets her legs flop back onto the sofa. Their breathing is ragged, their hearts galloping to a synchronized beat as Derek shifts, softens inside her as he pulls out. They're arranged on the sofa with his back against the cushion while she tangles herself against his front. His hands gently rub against her back, tracing the beads of sweat as her eyes shut and she rests her head against his chest._

 _Things are silent for a bit until Addison says,_

" _It's a good thing I still do Pilates and yoga, because I haven't been in_ **that** _position in a_ **long** _time," there's a slight pause before they both burst into a cackling laughter._

oOoOo

They sit on the patio a bit longer before the November wind forces them inside. Carson is all smiles when she sees the love between her parents; it makes her feel…good.

"Hey, you headed up to your room?" Ryan meets her at the back staircase near the laundry room.

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason; oh, mom and dad may have redone your room…" he grimaces a little bit and it makes her take pause.

She hadn't even thought about her bedroom, the place where so many bad things happened.

"What did they-"

"They just…you should see for yourself," Ryan takes her hand and leads her up the stairs.

"Wait, my suitcase and my duffle bag are-"

"Dad already took them upstairs while you and mom were in the kitchen talking," Ryan is all smiles as he leads her up the stairs.

Before…everything, her room was decorated in bright yellows and blues. She went for a vintage look, something slightly from the 70's but with a touch of modern flair. She chose a weird flowery contact paper for the walls with minimal furniture, a cute little table here, a nice plush chair there, a singular dresser with a gold mirror, a nightstand, a bookshelf, her 40-inch plasma. Her bed was a king sized four poster canopy with cream colored bedding and colorful blue and yellow pillows. She can barely remember the room from before; all she remembers is falling to the floor, hitting her head on the corner of the end table, the drugs she'd hidden under the bed, the baby she lost in that bed, the-

"Carson, are you okay?" she shook from her thoughts at the feel of Ryan tugging her hand. She looks up and notices that her parents are standing there as well.

"Sorry I just…had a moment; Ry said you guys redid my room?" She looks to her parents who seem to be equally as nervous.

"Uh yeah, we did; we didn't want you to come home to-" Carson holds up a hand.

"No, no, it's fine I understand; I didn't want to come to that either…let's get this over, shall we?"And with that, she's opening the door.

She's not expecting what she finds on the other side.

The room is bigger, much bigger; she doesn't walk directly into her room, but a rather large sitting area, a lounge if you will. It's decorated in a soft purple with white trim. There's a cute little lounge area set up; a plush White couch and another purple and white striped couch with an assortment of pillows near the wall; she now has a 60-inch plasma on the wall directly across from where the couches are. To the left sits her desk and her bookshelf; she smiles at the cork board and the dry erase board that sits over her desk. Her heart swells with love when she sees that her parents have put up all sorts of pictures of her, of her friends (the ones she had before she did drugs) of them while she was away. There are pictures of her cousins, of everyone in Seattle and LA. But the ones that make her eyes water are the strategically placed photos of she and Kevin and the last selfie she'd taken with Emily.

She looks over at her parents, tears welling in her eyes as she crosses over into her actual bedroom. To say its stunning is an understatement. The room is sleek and edgy and mature, so mature; it's smaller but she doesn't mind. It's decked out in softer colors, cream, silver, gray with a neat little contact paper behind the bed. There's fancy chandelier style lighting, the drapes are a gorgeous dark purple; the room has a more modern feel to it this time around with its sleek but elegant little touches, like the mirror over the bed and the lamps on the dresser. The bed is absolutely to die for, it's slightly smaller, a queen sized, with its velvety gray tufted upholstered headboard. As she explores her new digs she notices that they even redid the bathroom and the closet as well. The bathroom is all white with beautiful marble counters, almost an exact replica of her bathroom in LA. And the closet? The closet is absolutely to die for, though she notices that it's empty. She looks back at her parents who readily explain.

"We thought you could use a new wardrobe," her mother says with a smile.

"Think of it as…a bonus welcome home gift," Derek says with a smile.

"You guys didn't have to do all of this," Carson is smiling, unable to hide the tears in her eyes because she's grateful, so, _so incredibly grateful_.

"You needed a fresh start, and so did we," Addison easily makes her way across the room to hug her daughter.

"Thank you; I love you guys so much," Derek and Ryan join in on the group hug as well.

"We love you too sweetie; welcome home,"

 _Epilogue One to follow…_

* * *

 **Welp, that's it! That's the LAST official chapter of Fighting Our Way Through the Darkness. I feel that was fitting, everything is wrapped up in a relatively nice little bow. All that's left now are the epilogues!**

 **Xx**


	17. Chapter 17 (Epilogue 1)

**Well, here we go! Epilogue number one! I'm super excited about this chapter because we get to meet Baby Shepherd! I tried to make this chapter lighthearted, but it ended up doing its own thing. It's** **been a monster to write in terms of length and finding a good place to end. What we'll be seeing in this chapter is, of course, the birth of baby Shepherd. Also, we're gonna hear some baby names, and the gender won't be revealed until towards the very end. We're starting this chapter off toward the very end of March 2013; Addison is about 30 weeks, or seven-and-a-half months pregnant. Sadly, she doesn't make it to her due date, which is around June 1** **st.** **Don't worry though, the baby's gonna be fine; how he or she makes their grand entrance is going to be VERY interesting.**

 **I truly hope you all enjoy, and I'll see you for the FINAL chapter of Fighting Our Way**

 **Xx**

* * *

Four-and-a-Half Months Later

" _I_ **still** _can't believe you're pregnant again_ ," Callie Torres shakes her head at her friend as they walk the surgical floor of Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital.

"And I can't believe _you_ have a six-month-old daughter with _Mark Sloan of all people_ ," Addison is now seven-and-a-half months pregnant. She's chosen to keep the sex of the baby a surprise, which is a shock considering she'd wanted to know with Carson and Ryan.

"Mark is an _amazing_ father and hey, you almost had a kid by him," Callie points out, though she quickly realizes her misstep.

"Oh, Addie, I didn't mean to-"

"Its fine Callie; and you're right, I almost had a baby by Mark… _almost_. My kid would've been eight this year, a girl… _Ella_ ,"

"A girl?"

"Mmhm; she would've been in about second or third grade, would've had the same gap in her teeth as me, maybe Mark's hair but…we weren't ready for her. Neither one of us were in a good place to be raising a kid together. I already had two kids with Derek and I didn't wanna hurt or confuse them by having a baby with their Uncle Mark, and he…he was still a whore. He was pissed at me for a while but, I did what I felt was best for both of us at that time _and_ , I was right. If I'd had that baby, you wouldn't have Sofia and I wouldn't have-"

" _Baby Calliope_ ," Addison turns to look at her friend, shakes her head and laughs.

" **Baby Calliope**?"

" _What_? Oh come on, Calliope's a _beautiful_ name!"

" _Your name's Calliope_ ,"

" _See_? All the more reason for you to name your baby Calliope!"

" _You don't even like your name_ ,"

" _Arizona calls me Calliope_ ,"

"Arizona is also the _only person who calls you Calliope_ ; she's also your wife,"

" _Oh come on_! _Callie Shepherd_ , _Calliope Shepherd_ … _ooh_ , **Torres Shepherd** if it's a boy," Addison chuckles.

" _Torres Shepherd_ …middle name maybe?"

"Yes! I'll take it!" Callie grins, wrapping an arm around Addison.

"Now Torres, we _all_ know that baby's gonna either be named after Shepherd if it's a boy _or_ , she's gonna name the baby after me if it's a girl," Dr. Bailey has joined their little walk.

" _Miranda Shepherd_?"

" _No_! **Bailey Shepherd** ," Bailey says the name with resoluteness.

"She's got a point; Bailey Shepherd is a cute name _and_ , it works for a girl _or_ a boy," Callie's eyes light up with excitement.

" _Bailey Shepherd_ …" Addison tries the name out for a moment as they come to a stop.

"Well?" Both women are looking at her expectantly.

"Oh you're right; I'm _definitely_ putting Bailey Shepherd on the list!" Addison says as she walks away.

" _See_? I told you; _Bailey Shepherd_ , **ha**! _Bailey Shepherd people_!" Dr. Bailey is triumphant as she makes her way to check on patients.

"I still think Calliope's a good name," Callie mutters.

oOoOo

"Congratulations Shep, you're gonna be a father again," Mark, Derek, Ben Warren, and surprisingly, _Owen Hunt_ are all up on the rooftop of the hospital for a game of golf.

"Remind me how you're still able to do this and you're not chief anymore?" Owen is standing off to the side, his leather jacket wrapped around him (It's strangely cold for late March), his hands in his pockets.

"We're able to do this because nobody knows we're up here," Derek laughs, taking a swig of his scotch.

"But in all seriousness Shep, congratulations,"

"The baby hasn't even been born yet Mark; and it's not like we just found out, Addison's seven-and-a-half months pregnant,"

"Still...you're parenting, _in your 40's_ , that's _huge_ man," Mark pats him on the shoulder again.

"You say this like you don't have a six-month-old and a daughter who's… _by the way_ , **exactly how old is Sloane again**?" Derek turns to Mark and grins.

"Haha, Sloane doesn't count… _well_ , she does count but, I didn't raise her; I found her when she was 18,"

"Yeah, and if memory serves correct, you also you screwed my wife while you were in LA," Derek teases.

"If I'm not mistaken, _weren't_ _you in love and post-it married to Meredith at the time_? And I'm pretty sure Addison was single,"

" _How are these two still friends_?" Ben asks Owen.

"If my best friend ever slept with my wife on multiple occasions and bragged about it, he'd be a dead man,"

"Y'gotta understand our relationship," Mark tries to explain.

"And by relationship, he means I'm the only son of a bitch who's been willing to put up with him for the last 30 years," Derek laughs.

"Funny, anywho, this is _exactly why_ I'm this kid's godfather,"

"Yeah, try not to teach this one how to hail a taxi, or to say shit,"

"Ah, Ryan's first word being shit… _good times_ ," Mark smirks.

"Yeah, and Addison almost _killed you_ for that; _he said_ **shit** _in front of Bizzy_ ,"

"Wait, _he taught one of your kids to hail a taxi_?" Owen frowns.

"Better yet, he taught your kid to say shit?" Ben chuckles.

"Yes and yes; he taught Carson to hail a taxi cab when she was nine-"

"She was _eight_ ; she _perfected it_ at nine," Mark corrects.

"Anywho, she was nine and hailing taxi's back when we were living in New York. In fact, the first time Addison came to town, Carson hailed a taxi here to Seattle Grace…after stealing 50 bucks from her nanny,"

" _Wow, Sloan_ you are…some kind of godfather," Owen chuckles.

"I'm a _great_ godfather; which is why they're naming the kid after me,"

"Yeah, _not a chance in hell_ ; I can barely deal with Mark Sloan, I don't know if I wanna deal with Mark Shepherd," Derek laughs.

" _Who said the kid's name had to be Mark_? You could use Everett,"

"Hm. _Everett Shepherd_ …" Derek mulls the idea over in his head for a moment.

"Everett _Sloan_ Shepherd…" Mark corrects.

"Hmm…" Derek turns to look at Mark, still playing around with the name.

" _Middle name maybe_?" Derek shakes his head and smiles.

"I'll take it; this is why we're best friends,"

"I'll be sure to have Carson add it to 'the list'," Derek chuckles before it's his turn to swing.

"Why aren't you naming the kid after you?" Ben asks.

"Addison and I axed that option a long time ago with Ryan; _Derek Christopher Shepherd Jr_ doesn't quite ring liked we want it to,"

" _Or_ he could be Derek Christopher Shepherd III," Owen suggests.

" _DJ_ even," Ben offers.

"Nah, Addison's not big on singular syllable nicknames, or nicknames in general," Derek mutters.

" _Derek the Third_?" Mark tilts his head to the side in curiosity.

All the men pause for a moment, mulling over the name before letting out a collective 'nah'.

"And this is _exactly_ why we're _still_ deciding on names,"

"What are you hoping for Shepherd?" Owen has finally decided to join the game, grab a beer in the process.

"Well I'm thoroughly convinced this baby will be a boy and Addison, well, I don't know if she cares. I mean, _I know she cares_ but, I'm not sure if she's that interested,"

"Well, she's already got two kids, one of each so…" Ben casually shrugs his shoulders before taking a sip of beer.

"If it helps, Torres said she's pretty stuck on the name Bailey," Mark says with a shrug.

" _Bailey Shepherd_ …hmm," Derek attempts to think of his child with name Bailey.

It's quite the possibility indeed.

oOoOo

" _So_ , Bailey Shepherd is a keeper, we're tossing Calliope, Torres, Richard, Montana, George, and…did Uncle Mark _really_ suggest we name the baby after him?"

They're sitting at the counter while Derek prepares dinner later that evening; Carson is at the dry erase board where there has been a never-ending list of baby names for the soon-to-be-arriving baby Shepherd.

"He did; he also suggested Everett Sloan Shepherd," Derek glances back at the board and shakes his head.

" _Everett Sloan Shepherd_ …hm. it's got an _interesting_ ring to it," Carson muses, placing it on the board.

" _Sloan Shepherd_ …eh, it's okay," Ryan tries out the name for a bit before telling Carson to add it to 'the list'.

"Hmm; what about, _Bailey Everett Sloane Shepherd_ ," Addison suggests.

"Oh, I like it, _very_ chic!" Carson also scribbles that name onto the Whiteboard as well.

"Why so many names?" Derek chuckles.

"Well we _did_ name our first kid, _Carson Danielle Forbes Montgomery Shepherd_ ," Addison points out.

" _Hey_! It's just as long as yours; **Dr** _. Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd_ , that's five names, six if you include the title," Addison makes a face at Carson.

"Hmm…I'm really in love with _Bailey Sloane Shepherd_ , I'm _definitely_ leaning towards Bailey as a first name," Addison is sitting at the table near the patio doors with her feet propped up in another chair rubbing her swollen belly.

" _Bailey Sloane Shepherd_?" Ryan tilts his head to the side, looking exactly like Derek as he tries to imagine himself with a sibling named Bailey.

"Cason, Ryan, and Bailey…hmm," Carson is mulling it over in her head.

"Those three names do kind of go together, don't they?" Addison says as Carson and Ryan nod in agreement.

" _Oh god_ , my kid could _actually_ be named after Mark Sloan," Derek groans.

" _And Dr. Bailey_!" Ryan reminds him.

"You've _gotta_ admit dad, _Bailey Sloane Shepherd_ **does** have a nice ring to it…it's _definitely_ a top contender for baby boy names," Carson jots the name down in her neat cursive handwriting onto the whiteboard.

"Y'know, we haven't really decided on girl names…does this mean we're all convinced it's another boy?" Derek is carefully pulling a pan of French bread from the oven and placing it on the counter alongside the chicken Alfredo he made.

"Bailey is a unisex name so it works for a girl as well," Addison shrugs.

"So either way it goes, the baby's name will be Bailey?"

"I don't know; I've always thought Ella was a nice name but, it doesn't go well with Shepherd," Addison attempts to get up from her seat but Derek stops her.

"You shouldn't be on your feet Addison," Derek presses a kiss to her head as he places her food in front of her.

"You're saying this like I didn't perform a three-hour surgery today," Her face is scrunched into a scowl and it'd be scary if she weren't so adorable when she's pregnant.

" _Yes_ , but you also have gestational diabetes. You need to take it easy Addie,"

"You're saying this like I'm _not_ a neonatal surgeon,"

" _Here we go_ ," Carson mutters.

"I know you are _but_ -"

" _And_ , you're saying this like this is my first baby; _Carson how old are you again_?" Carson sighs heavily.

"I'm 18, mom,"

"Addie-"

"And I could've _sworn_ we had another kid after that… _Ryan how old are you_?"

"I'm almost 13, mom," Ryan shakes his head and continues eating.

"Addison _I know that_ **but** -"

"Then trust me when I say, I _know_ what I'm doing,"

"You may be a neonatal surgeon _and_ you may have two kids before, but you're also gonna be 45 this year, that means you and the baby are at higher risk for preterm labor, which means… _you need to take it easy_. **See**? I _did_ pay attention during my OB rounds," Addison rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"So, _Bailey Sloane Shepherd_?"

Eight-Weeks-Later

Meredith Grey hated May, in May, it rained nonstop and people seemed hell-bent on coming in with broken skulls and busted bellies. With her being a fifth year attending, that meant she was on a rotating service.

What are the odds she's on neuro today with her post-it ex-husband and father of her dead baby?

Of all the days she could end up on his service, she ends up stuck with him ironically the week before the anniversary he got shot. There's a solemn feeling that fills the hospital this month; there's also a low sense of curdling dread. Sure, it's been three years since Gary Clarke came into their hospital, but that doesn't mean people aren't on pins and needles and that tensions aren't running high. Things are particularly tense for Meredith Grey, whose patient, 17-year-old Zachary Thomas, thought it would be fun to stand outside in the middle of a tornado warning. Of course, Zach suffered a severe blow to the head and spine and is in desperate need of surgery.

"How ya holding up?" Meredith and Cristina are walking the halls together as they head to get labs for their patients.

"I'm on _Derek's_ service, on today of all days," Meredith's voice is tense; sure, she's been with Finn for a little over two years now, sold her mother's house to Alex but still, days like today can be testy.

" _Is he being nice to you_? Because McDreamy or no McDreamy, I'll punch him," Meredith laughs softly, smiling gratefully at her friend.

"No need to punch him; I'm just feeling a little crummy today, that's all. Sunday was Mother's Day and-"

" _How was that for you_? I mean, I _know_ you said you wanted to be alone but-"

"It was fine; Derek and Addison sent me flowers,"

"Wait, _the McShepherd's sent you flowers for Mother's Day_ , **seriously**?" Cristina's eyebrows rise in surprise.

" _Seriously_ ,"

"Well, that was…nice of them,"

"I think it was more Addison's idea though; Derek _did_ send me flowers in April, for Emily _and_ , he _actually_ met me at the gravesite,"

" _Just the two of you_?"

"Just the two of us, _and Finn_ , who sat in the truck,"

"Wow. You've grown Mere, you have grown a _lot_ ," Cristina proudly pats Meredith on the back.

" _Yeah_ , but this week still **sucks** ,"

"Oh, it _definitely_ sucks! I think the rain makes it worse," Cristina calls out as she quickly swipes her patients' files and rounds the corner.

"The rain _definitely_ makes it worse!" Meredith stops to make small talk with the lab tech before grabbing her files and heading for the elevators.

As if the day couldn't be any _more_ awkward, she ends up in an elevator with none other than a nine-months pregnant Addison Shepherd.

Oh boy, this is going to be an interesting elevator ride.

oOoOo

Addison is in labor.

She shouldn't even be here; Richard put her on mandatory bed rest and early maternity leave a month ago when she started having preterm contractions. But still, Addison Montgomery is a stubborn bitch who doesn't know when to listen. She was only supposed to be coming into the clinic to do a routine wellness check on a patient of hers but then said patient went into labor and only wanted Addison to deliver. The delivery ended up being an emergency C-Section that went well.

Until Addison's water broke after she left the scrub room.

Derek ( _and_ Richard _and_ Mark _and_ Bailey _and_ Callie _and her_ **kids** ) is going to _kill_ her.

She's been trying to remain calm, calm enough that she can ride the elevator all the way to maternity, tell them to page her OB and Derek and let them know that she was an idiot and that the baby was coming.

She's almost to Obstetrics when the elevator dings, signaling that someone else was getting on.

What are the chances that she ends up on an elevator in labor with her husband's ex-post-it wife and mother of his now dead child?

Apparently, Meredith doesn't seem too pleased about the idea either, good. The sooner she gets to Obstetrics the-

" _Son of a bitch_ … **fuck**!" She couldn't keep that pain to herself, causing Meredith to look at her sharply. She's trying to right herself but she can't. She's slightly hunched over and grabbing at her stomach.

" _Addison_ … **please tell me you aren't in labor**?" Addison's eyes are closed; she's taking a deep breath to try and calm her nerves and…

Wouldn't you know it? The power goes out in the hospital.

oOoOo

Derek Shepherd is an impatient man, especially when he's got a patient with a severe brain bleed and an injured spine who needs his labs so that he can go to surgery.

"Has anyone seen Dr. Grey?" He's trying not to let his patience wear thin, but Meredith's been gone half an hour and she's on his service of today of all day's.

There's nothing significant about today, May 17, but this month is a hard month for everybody. Next week marks the third year anniversary of the hospital shooting. Sunday was Mother's Day, a few weeks before that he and Meredith were together at Forest Lawn to pay their respects to their daughter Emily. It's clear to see that Meredith and Derek have had a few tense weeks. So the last thing they need is to have professional tension between them as well.

Derek glances around his patient's room at the interns assigned to the case and until he spots one he actually likes, a young Black guy by the name of Shane Ross.

"Ross?" He looks up quickly from his notes.

"Yes sir, Dr. Shepherd?" ah yes, this is why he likes Ross, Ross is sure of himself, he's confident and he's fearless. Even the way he says Derek's name is powerful.

"Have you by any chance seen…oh, _Dr. Yang_!" Derek really hates having to talk to Cristina (she'd, of course, picked sides in the breakup) but she's Meredith's 'person', so she'll know where she is.

"Yes, _Dr. Shepherd_?" Cristina pops her head into the patient room, looking completely uninterested in whatever Derek Shepherd has to say; she even says his name with slight annoyance.

"I hate to be a bother,"

"Then don't," Cristina has to catch herself; the interns of giggling at her and Derek is still her superior, even if she hates his guts.

"Sorry; _yes, Dr. Shepherd_?" She puts on the fakest of fake smiles as she looks at him.

" _Have you seen Dr. Grey_? She was supposed to be back with my scans almost an hour ago,"

"No. I haven't seen her since she was on her way back with your scans…" there's a shift in the atmosphere, at least, between Derek and Cristina. This isn't a hospital and people just don't go…missing.

" _Dr. Yang_ , a word in private, please?" Cristina may not like him, but she definitely follows him out of earshot of the interns.

" _You're sure you haven't seen her since she picked up the scans_?" Derek's voice is a low murmur. He doesn't want to alert anyone in case there's real danger, god he hopes there is none.

"No; the last time I saw her she was getting on an elevator headed down here,"

"You don't think-"

" _Shepherd_! You need to come with me _now,_ you too Yang," Alex Karev is rushing towards them, a slight annoyance and panic in his voice. Whatever it is, it's got to involve Meredith. They quickly run down the hall behind Alex.

oOoOo

Addison Montgomery is in labor and…the power in the elevator just went out.

She was surprised to see the woman in the hospital; she's supposed to be at home on mandatory bed rest per the chief's orders. Still, though, she's known Addison for quite some time and she is if anything, _stubborn_.

"Addison?"

"Yes, Meredith I'm in labor…oh _god_ ," Apparently, she's having another contraction; this is bad, really, really bad.

"How far-"

"My water broke about 15 minutes ago…my contractions are nearly five minutes apart," Addison lets out a painful cry before she's nearly on her knees, her knuckles grasping the bar.

"Addison, Addison!" Meredith at her side in seconds, trying to help her stand; it's no use because her knees buckle.

"I'm fine, I'm fine I'm just-"

"In labor; _what the hell are you even doing here_? You're supposed to be on bed rest!" Meredith is totally pissed right now; if Addison's labor has progressed this far then…

"Addison, how long have you known you were in labor?" Meredith demands.

"I-"

" **How long** _have you known_?"

"I woke up this morning feeling contractions," Meredith rolls her eyes.

" _Seriously_? _Seriously_!? **Jesus Christ Addison**! You're an OBGYN, _the best there is_! How could you _not know_ -"

"Shut up Meredith! Just…shut the hell up! I didn't think they were real because I've been having Braxton Hicks for over a month. I just had a check up yesterday and everything was _fine_! So I came to work because I was going stir crazy at home on mandatory bed rest, that didn't even come from my doctor by the way. I came to work because I had a patient at the clinic and it was supposed to be a routine check-up and then the woman went into labor and she needed a C-section and I thought I could do it because I was fine yesterday! So I did the C-Sectionand when I got to the scrub room my water broke. My plan was to get up to OB and have them page my husband, not get stuck in an elevator with my husband's mistress-slash-post-it-wife-slash-mother-of-his-dead-baby-that-died-on-my-watch," Her breathing is labored and she's starting to panic.

"Addison, breathe; it's gonna be okay," Meredith has to be the calm one here because Addison clearly isn't calm.

" _How the hell am I supposed to be calm_!? My water broke, I'm in labor and I'm stuck in an elevator with-"

"You need to be calm for the baby, and you need to be calm because we both can't freak out," Meredith takes a deep breath and sighs heavily; she runs a hand through her hair and looks over at Addison, she looks absolutely terrified.

"It's the 17th, I'm not due until around the first of next month…Meredith, my labor's progressing really fast. If this elevator doesn't come on soon you're gonna have to-"

"I know; just…take it easy, alright? Now, is there anything I should know about your pregnancy?"

"Uh, I've got gestational diabetes," Addison tries to keep her breathing steady.

"Okay, anything else?" She closes her eyes and tries to think.

"Uh…I'm almost 45 so, there's a higher risk for preterm labor, which is ironic because I'm in labor in the middle of an elevator during a power outage,"

Suddenly, it hits Meredith; they need to call someone.

"We need to press the emergency button," Addison nods slowly.

"Right, right; call someone and let them know we're stuck," Meredith nods and moves towards the emergency box.

"Dammit, it's no use; power outage,"

"Oh my God…" Addison's voice is laced with fear.

"Relax Addison, it's gonna be fine.

One of them has to believe it's going to be fine.

oOoOo

Derek and Cristina follow Alex Karev up to Obstetrics, which surprises both of them.

"Why are we on OB?" Cristina mutters.

"No idea,"

"Karev, what's-"

"Look, Montgomery's in labor," Alex's tone is short and clearly annoyed.

" _What_? No, Addison was just fine when I left her this morning," Derek shakes his head.

"No, you're wife's stubborn and won't listen. Some idiot down at the clinic called her to come in and check on a patient. And Montgomery, being the stubborn _bitch_ that she is-"

" _Watch it Karev_!"

"Dude, she's stubborn and we both know it," And, well he can't argue with him there; her stubborn streak only gets worse when she's pregnant. Derek sighs heavily and shakes his head.

"What happened?"

"The patient needed an emergency C-section and _guess who couldn't resist the urge to cut_?"

"Oh god please don't tell me she-"

"Oh, it gets better; she actually made it through surgery… _then her water broke_ ,"

"Uh, what does this have to do with Meredith?" Cristina asks with a frown.

"Oh I'm getting to that; so, Montgomery's water breaks in the scrub room and instead of paging somebody she decides to take the elevator to OB but then the power goes out and she gets stuck in an elevator with Meredith,"

Derek and Cristina are speechless.

"So…Meredith is trapped in an elevator with Addison who's in labor?" Cristina laughs hysterically until she realizes that Alex is serious.

"Wait, wait, wait, Mere's _really_ stuck in an elevator with McDreamy's pregnant wife who's in labor? _Wow_ ," Derek, however, is frantic, feels as though his heart's going to explode out of his chest.

"Where the hell are they Karev?" He runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

"The elevator's stuck between floors," Derek doesn't bother asking where he simply runs down the hall to the nearest elevator he can find.

oOoOo

It doesn't take long before there's an entire team up on OB and a very angry Richard Webber.

" _What the hell is she even doing here_!? She's supposed to be home on bed rest!" Richard is standing near the elevator where Lucy Fields is on the floor talking to Addison and Meredith.

"Fields, what's her status?" The young attending looks up at the sound of the Chief's voice.

"She's two weeks early; labor's progressing fast," Richard rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"Move out of the way, let me talk to her; _what the hell are you doing here Addison_? You're supposed at home to be on-"

"I know! Richard, I know! I'm sorry!" Addison lets out a scream of pain; Richard has to turn his head and sigh heavily.

"Grey? How's she doing?" He spares a glance down to look at Meredith.

"The baby's coming, fast; her contractions are three minutes apart," Richard lets out a sigh of frustration.

"Has somebody paged Shepherd?"

"I'm here! I'm right here chief!" Derek is jogging down the hallway, Cristina not far behind.

" _What the hell she doing here_?" The chief turns on Derek, his face full of fury.

"I swear to you she was fine when I left; cranky but fine," Derek holds up his hands to show that this wasn't his idea.

"Derek I'm sorry!" Addison's voice calls out from the elevator.

"My head of Neonatal is 38 weeks pregnant, in labor. and stuck on an elevator with your…Meredith," Richard is fuming, absolutely fuming.

"I know,"

" _Do you_?"

"Nobody's more pissed at Addison than me right now," Richard closes his eyes; he pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath.

"I can't deal with this right now. You people are gonna be the death of me. How long before those backup generators get going?" Richard walks away, preferably to yell at someone, at anyone other than Addison. Derek turns to Lucy Fields who sighs heavily.

"Lucy-"

"Her doctor's on vacation; won't be back until next week," Derek rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"Of all the weeks Addison chooses to go into labor…alright Fields, is there anything we should worry about?"

"No,"

"Are you sure, because this is-"

"With all due respect Dr. Shepherd, I _know_ who she is. I've followed her career since I was in high school; I want to _be_ Addison Montgomery someday. I had her doctor fax me her records. Nothing's wrong, she's just in labor, that's all," Derek breathes a sigh of relief.

"How long before the elevators-"Derek and Lucy turn sharply towards the elevator as Addison lets out another scream of pain.

That elevator door can't open fast enough.

oOoOo

Pain, earth-shattering, soul-crushing, excruciating pain.

She's trapped in an elevator with Meredith Grey of all people and she's in labor. Correction, she's more than sure her baby is trying to make its way down the birth canal.

"Meredith, you're gonna have to deliver this baby," Meredith's eyes widen as she glances back at Addison.

"The elevators should be-"

"Meredith! My baby doesn't have time; I need to push… _now_!" She's sweating, oh god she's sweating. She's sweating like a sinner in church and her legs feel like Jello and her belly is tight because it's in a constant state of contraction. There's a strong pull coming from her uterus that maternal urge to push. Not to mention the fact that if she doesn't give in to that urge soon, the baby will slide out on its own and that won't be fun for anyone.

"Fields!" There's a slight opening, enough that she can see a few people, Lucy Fields in particular.

"It's gonna be fine Dr. Montgomery; fire and rescue are working to-"

"I need you to listen to me and listen to me carefully; my labor's progressing, _fast_. I can feel the baby moving down the birth canal; I'm not gonna get out of here in time. Meredith's gonna have to deliver the baby,"

"Don't worry, I'll be right there to coach her through it in case anything goes wrong," Lucy's trying to be reassuring and she really has been trying since the Callie thing last year.

"My husband, I need my husband,"

"Dr. Shepherd's right here," Derek manages to poke his head through the small space and give Addison a withering glare.

"38 weeks pregnant and you go into labor and get stuck on an elevator with Meredith; all because you couldn't stay home," Derek shakes his head and sighs.

"I know! I'm sorry! Derek, I'm sorry!"

"You weren't supposed to be here Addison," He's shaking his head slowly.

"I know, I know you can yell at me later when I'm not trapped in an elevator," Addison takes a deep breath. He knows what she needs right now and it's not him yelling at her for being so damn stubborn. What she needs right now is him to coach her through this, just like he did the last two times.

"You can do this Addison, just like riding a horse," Addison rolls her eyes at him.

"Yeah, except the first two times _I wasn't in my 40's_! Derek, _what the hell were we thinking_!? **A baby at 45**!?"

"Well, we weren't exactly thinking that night," There's a glint in his eyes and she wants to strangle him, no, _murder_ him.

"This is all your fault!" Derek rolls his eyes.

"You said that the last two times; relax, it's gonna be fine. You're in good hands," and it's the first time he's actually acknowledged Meredith's presence in the elevator.

"This is awkward Derek! Really, _really_ awkward. Meredith Grey is gonna deliver my baby…in an elevator," She hisses

"Well, if you'd just stayed home," Derek mutters.

"Not helping Derek!"

"It's true,"

"Are you forgetting that you two used to be post-it married…she used to be your dirty mistress!"

"I seem to remember there being a dirty mistresses club," Derek reminds her.

"I found her panties in your coat pocket for God's sakes!" she shouts as Derek chuckles.

"That was _years ago_ ; and if _you_ think this is awkward, try being _Meredith_ ," She glances back at the former intern and cringes.

"When this is over, remind me to do something _really_ nice for you. A trip, money, a pair of shoes, whatever you want, it's yours," Meredith surprises her by chuckling.

"I seem to remember coming to you with a few concerns of my own when I was pregnant,"

"They didn't include me delivering your baby in an elevator though,"

"No, it didn't but you were always there whenever Emily…you were there for me with Emily, Addison. Don't worry, I'm gonna make sure you and your baby are fine," To show reassurance, Meredith takes her hand and gives it a squeeze.

oOoOo

Things have been relatively quiet in the elevator for a while now; Lucy Fields had gone to grab the necessary supplies Meredith would need, as well as to prep the NICU for the baby's arrival. Derek looks up from his thoughts when he sees Mark round the corner, along with Callie, Dr. Bailey, Carson, and Ryan.

" _Really_? I thought I told you to-" Mark shakes his head and points at Carson.

"She already knew; in fact, she knew before I knew… _an elevator Derek_ , **really**?" Derek ignores Mark and glances at his daughter.

"Carson-"

"Did you forget I volunteer up on Peds twice a week?"

"Today, I forgot about a lot of things," Derek sighs.

"She's having the baby…" Carson says slowly.

"Yeah, I know,"

"Is mom really stuck in the elevator with Meredith?" Ryan asks; Derek sighs heavily and nods.

"Yeah, she is,"

"That's gotta be super awkward," Carson cringes at the thought.

"This has to be some sort of cosmic payback for you, because only your wife would get stuck in an elevator with your ex-post-it wife and go into labor," Mark is trying to make things humorous but it's not working.

"Now's not the time to gloat Mark,"

"Derek relax; this is Addison's third time giving birth. And Meredith's a well-trained doctor, not to mention she's given birth herself," Mark doesn't miss the pained look on Derek's face at the mention of Meredith giving birth.

"Look, Derek, I didn't mean to-"

"Sloan's right; Addison will be fine; she's in a hospital, her hospital. Nobody's gonna let anything happen to her or that baby," Dr. Bailey, ever the rational one, moves towards the elevators to talk to Meredith.

"How's it going down there Grey?" Meredith looks up at the sight of her mentor's voice.

"She's doing good," Dr. Bailey spares a glance at Addison, who looks absolutely tired.

"Baby should be here any minute now; you're doing great Addison. You're in good hands," Addison spares Miranda a weak smile before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath and nodding.

"She was your intern and a pretty good one at that so I trust her," Addison gives Meredith a small smile, just before she's hit with an unsuspecting, painful contraction.

oOoOo

Lucy gives Meredith exactly four medical instruments; a hemostat, forceps, a vacuum extractor, and a pair of scissors. She's also given a medical gown, a pair of gloves, blankets for the baby (and for Addison), a stethoscope, and a bulb syringe. She's about to deliver a baby, but it's not just _any_ baby. She's about to deliver _Addison Forbes Montgomery's_ baby. There's an added sense of pressure because not only is it Addison's baby, but it's Addison's baby with _Derek_.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave.

"Meredith, how's it going?" Thankfully, Lucy Fields is going to coach her through everything. It's not that she can't deliver a baby, it's just that obstetrics and gynecology isn't her specialty. Meredith's specialty is general surgery; now if Addison's appendix had burst, Meredith could've done the surgery in her sleep. But birthing a baby is nowhere near as easy as taking out an appendix so, she's gonna need some help.

She'd helped Addison undress from the waist down a few moments ago; one of the blankets is now carefully draped over her thighs. Addison has been quiet for the most post, gripping the rails when she felt a contraction. She's 'in the zone' as Derek put it. She's definitely a pro at this because Meredith could barely stand the pain of giving birth to Emily.

Thanksgiving 2011

 _She took a fall at work._

 _She was fine, fine, absolutely fine. If she could survive a massive blow to the stomach from Carson when she was three months pregnant, then surely she could survive a slight tumble down the stairs at work. Her doctor, Connie (who came highly recommended by Addison) reassured her that the baby was fine. There was no placental abruption or any harm to the baby. She was fine, perfectly able to go back to work._

 _That is until her water broke a short time later._

" _Only you would be at work and go into labor on Thanksgiving," Cristina is shaking her head as she strolls into Meredith's hospital room. Derek is at her side, holding her hand supportively. She knows he wants to call Addison, but Addison is in Los Angeles with her friends. Meredith also knows the other woman has left town because she specifically didn't want to be here when Meredith gave birth._

 _The pain is coming quick and fast; her back is aching, her legs feel like glue and jello at the same time. Her stomach is tight, so, so tight from all the contractions. All she wants to do is curl up in a ball and die. But she can't, she got a baby to deliver._

" _Okay, we need to go over your birth plan, we never talked anything else," Cristina's voice is softer this time when she speaks._

" _Hang on," Meredith waves her off a bit because it's happening too fast._

" _I can't bully people unless I know what to bully them about,"_

" _Maybe you should get back into bed," Derek is still by her side, one hand on her bicep, the other gently kneading at the pain in her lower back._

" _Wanna go back to bed?" It's a power of the wills between Derek and Cristina at this point._

" _No" Meredith's voice is tight_

" _She says no," Cristina looks up at Derek just as Meredith lets out a painful groan._

" _What do you need? The little bouncy ball," Meredith looks back at Derek before looking over at Cristina._

" _Ice chips!"_

" _She says ice chips," Derek has to fight the urge to roll his eyes and strangle his wife's best friend._

" _Are you gonna do this the whole time?" Cristina makes a face._

" _I'm gonna check with Connie, see why she's taking so long," Derek has to do something, needs to do something. He can't just stand there while his wife's in pain._

" _She's with other laboring moms right now, she's busy," Meredith manages to say just as another contraction hits her._

" _You're the only one I care about, the rest can wait," With that Derek leaves the room, leaves her alone with Cristina._

" _Did you talk to Owen?" Cristina has taken Derek's place behind Meredith and is now massaging her shoulders._

" _Yes and no," Cristina cringes and thankfully Meredith can't see her. She really doesn't wanna talk about Owen._

" _How's your pain, seven, eight?"_

" _Nine! Talk to me about Owen it helps," distraction, Meredith desperately needs a distraction. Something, anything to keep her mind off the pain._

" _Uh, well…Owen is out of town," And there goes her 'something to keep her distracted'._

 _Thankfully, labor progresses quickly after that and soon enough, Meredith is holding her beautiful baby girl._

oOoOo

She's trying to be zen.

She needs to be zen because she cannot think about the fact that she's 44, 38 weeks pregnant, in labor, trapped in an elevator with her husband's former-mistress-turned-post-it-wife-slash-mother-of-his-dead-child. Being zen was the only thing helping her not to lose her mind. She looks up at the sound of Meredith's voice and the feel of her surprisingly soft hands on her knee.

"So uh, how do I check to see…" Meredith is trying not to blush; she's not sure how to tell if Addison's ready to push. Based on what she'd told them, it was normal to assume that she'd been too far along for Fields to even think that a speculum was going to fit.

"You just…place your hand there and-"

"Oh, okay that's, that's a head," Addison smiles and chuckles before letting out a harsh groan.

"That is definitely a head, which means I can push…finally!" She takes a moment to lean her head back against the railing. She closes her eyes and gathers her bearings.

"Lucy! I can feel the head," Addison looks up at the young Blonde attending and nods.

"Okay that's good; she's ready to start pushing. Meredith, I want you to place your hands directly below where you can feel the baby's head. Dr. Montgomery-"

"You're coaching someone through how to deliver my baby through an elevator door, Fields; Addison's just fine," She doesn't miss the look of surprise on the young woman's face.

"Right, Addison on the next contraction, bear down and push," Addison nods; she closes her eyes and tries to focus but, she's terrified. This isn't what she'd wanted, what they wanted. Her eyes pop open and just then, just when she needs to, she sees Derek through the sliver of light coming through the elevator doors.

"You can do this Addie, I'm right here," With that, she nods, closes her eyes and begins to push.

oOoOo

Meredith Grey's never delivered a child before, save her own baby, but not another person's child. She'd never even seen a person give birth, well, aside from animals when she goes out on house calls with Finn, but birthing actual humans is completely different. This moment is particularly special because the baby she's about to birth into the world belongs to Addison Montgomery. Addison has her back pressed into the wall of the elevator, her legs are in what has to be an uncomfortable position, but she's pushing, and Meredith's hands are right there, poised to catch the baby once it slides out.

"Good, Addison take a breath, you're doing great…what's her progress Grey?" Lucy Fields has been an exceptional coach, taking her (and Addison) through every moment of labor.

"The head's slowly starting to crown," Meredith glances up at Addison, who gives her a weak smile in return.

"Dark or Red?" She looks up at Addison and she looks absolutely tired. Her hair is sticking to her forehead and whatever makeup she'd been wearing has long since worn off and is replaced by a light sheen of sweat. Her eyes look tired, desperate for sleep; Meredith can only imagine how her body must feel.

"What?"

"Dark or Red, the baby's hair; what do you think it'll be?" She's trying to distract Meredith with conversation as to not make things weirder than they already are. Meredith spares a glance down to where she sees the slight rounding of a head and smiles.

"It's dark," Addison sighs and shakes her head.

"I knew Carson was gonna be a ginger," She doesn't get to finish her statement, because she's taking a deep breath and pushing. This push is a long one, Meredith tries to focus on the baby that seems to be eagerly trying to make its way through the birth canal. She tries to focus on anything other than the look of pain on Addison's face or the light sounds of her crying out.

"Okay, Addison, good, good…how far are we now Dr. Grey?"

"The head's almost out and…oh! I can, I can feel the baby's face," She looks up at Addison who looks worried but excited.

"I uh, I feel the baby's eyes and...Lucy?" Meredith glances up at Lucy.

"What's wrong?"

"Uh, the baby's facing downward; the back of the head is on top of my palm," Addison looks at Meredith who sighs heavily.

"Sometimes babies turn from being face up in the womb to face down, it shouldn't be anything to worry about, right Lucy?"

"She's right Meredith; it happens. I had it happen to me quite a few times. Once the baby's in a bit of a safer position, you could try and turn it," Meredith simply nods.

"Oh God, I need to push again," Addison's voice is tired but rough as she inhales deeply and pushes again.

Meredith tries to keep her eyes on the baby that's slowly but surely sliding its way out of its mother. The head is out, that's good, then the neck, even better, but then she notices it.

"Addison, stop pushing," There's a tension that fills the elevator and she's sure it fills the hallway as well.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" Lucy's voice sounds alarmed, and when she spares a glance at Addison, she looks downright frightened.

"The umbilical cord, it's wrapped around the baby's neck,"

"Does it appear to be cutting off the air supply?" This time Addison's talking to her. The fear in her eyes is still there, but her voice is strong as if she weren't the mom in labor, but rather a doctor.

Meredith's hand reaches down and feels for the cord and sighs.

"It's definitely cutting off the baby's air supply," Addison sighs heavily, but before she can answer, Lucy beats her to it.

"Take your finger and try to work it around the cord, do it gently Meredith," Meredith nods and tries to feel for a space to place her fingers between the cord.

"It's snug,"

"Keep trying; Addison, try and relax," Meredith looks up at Addison, whose eyes are closed and is breathing deeply. Slowly, she feels the cord begin to loosen.

"I've got my finger between the cord," Addison lets out a sigh of relief.

"Good, see if you can pull the cord from around the baby's neck," The umbilical cord is looped twice around the baby's neck, but she's able to get a finger between the cord. Slowly, she works her fingers until she can pull the cord over the baby's face and over its head. She catches the long piece of the cord with her other hand.

"I've got it," She can hear the cheers of everyone outside of the elevators.

"Okay, then you're ready to finish delivering the baby," Meredith looks up at Addison who's smiling gratefully at her.

"You ready?" Addison nods before closing her eyes and pushing again.

oOoOo

The world seems to stop when she hears the piercing sound of her child's cries.

Of her daughter's cries-the baby's a girl.

Everything seems to move a warp speed after that; Meredith is placing the baby on her chest. She's so tiny but she's perfect; ten little wriggly fingers and ten tiny little toes. Her hair's dark, just as Meredith said it was. She looks up at Meredith, who's simply watching her with a smile.

"Thank you, Meredith; you saved my little girl's life," She can't stop the tears that well up in her eyes.

Suddenly, the elevator lights come to life and finally, the elevator begins to move. By the time the doors open, there's a team with a gurney and an incubator for the baby. Derek, Ryan, and Carson attempt to rush inside but the chief is standing in the way.

"I know you all wanna get to her but, let's let the team get her onto the gurney," Richard's voice is warm and pleased. Meredith steps out of the elevator and is greeted with an astounding round of applause. Most of the surgical floor has gathered; she swears she sees Finn standing far off. She doesn't get to look further because Derek is pulling her into an almost soul-crushing hug.

"Thank you, Mere; I can't imagine how awkward that must've been but…thank you," She looks at Derek, really looks at him, and for the first time, there's peace. Sure she'd loved him, and probably always would, but she knows that down the road things would've soured between him. They're so different than who they were when they first met at that bar. She was no longer just a girl and he was no longer just a guy. She glances back at Addison and the way that Derek is looking at her and it hits her, he'd never looked at her that way. Sure he'd looked at her and she saw love and passion, but the way he was looking at Addison as if she were everything, as if she were the sun, it's breathtaking.

"Thank you, Meredith, thank you so much," She gives a smile, a full, genuine smile and hugs him back.

"I'm glad I could help," There's an awkward pause, but Meredith is the first to break it.

"You should go check on her…and don't be so hard on her. She's a surgeon, it's our DNA to always want to cut," Derek's smile turns into a grin. He gently reaches out to give her shoulder a squeeze before he follows Addison's gurney down the hall to OB.

"Are you okay? God that had to have been…wow," Cristina is at her side almost instantly, pulling her into a hug before pulling back to give her the once-over.

"You delivered McDreamy's baby," Meredith smiles, spares a glance back at the gurney, at Addison, Carson, Ryan, Derek and the baby.

"Yeah, I did, and y'know what? Today didn't suck so much after all,"

Three Days Later

It's a beautiful picture, really; her husband is lying beside her, their infant daughter pressed between them. In the corner, her two older children are curled up on a sofa that's too small to hold them both.

For the first time in a long time, Addison Forbes Montgomery's life feels complete.

She smiles when she feels the baby stir against her side; she's absolutely adorable with her pouty lips and that tiny little button nose. Her eyes screw shut and her mouth parts in a perfect 'o' before her hands begin to wave angrily in the air.

Somebody's hungry.

Addison carefully scoops the baby up into her arms, placing her close to her chest.

"There, there, sweetheart; give me just a minute. Oh, I know you're hungry…" It takes a bit of movement but, the baby's finally adjusted and is happily suckling at her breast. She startles when she sees Derek staring at her.

"Sorry I just…she's absolutely perfect," Derek carefully reaches a hand out to gently caress the back of her head.

"She truly is…I'm sorry she was born in an elevator," Addison chuckles as Derek reaches out to grab her hand.

"I'm not,"

"Derek, you were pissed at me, absolutely pissed that I'd-"

"I was yes, but when I learned that you'd gone into labor and got stuck in that elevator…none of that mattered Addie. The only thing that mattered to me was that you two were safe," They both glance down at their daughter, who is still suckling away, letting out the most adorably cute contented sighs.

"I have a feeling I'm gonna have a hard time weaning her off the boob," Addison chuckles.

"Carson was the same way,"

"Can you believe that we have three children?" The question is a whisper of a thing but Derek smiles and shakes his head.

"Sometimes, I still can't believe that we've got two teenagers,"

"Carson will be going off to college soon,"

"So will Ryan,"

"Well, at least we'll have this little one," Addison leans forward and presses a kiss to the baby's head.

"You ready for three-a.m. feedings and endless amounts of diaper changes?" Derek teases.

"Ugh, don't remind me about that; I wanna stay in this perfect little bubble forever,"

"I'm gonna take a leave of absence from the hospital," Addison looks up at Derek in surprise.

"What?"

"I think…I need to be with my family for a while,"

"Derek…"

"No just, listen; back in New York, I was unsure of everything, how to be a husband, how to be a father, so I just…I went through the motions. I never really tried; I didn't bother to be as involved as I could've or should've been. But this time, with her I just…I wanna do right by her, by them, by Carson and Ryan and…you," Tears fill Addison's eyes as she reaches out a hand to pull him closer to kiss him.

"I love you,"

"I love you too," their little cocoon is burst when the baby pulls away from Addison's breast and is now looking up at them with wide eyes. Derek helps Addison adjust her gown as they settle into a more comfortable position, the baby carefully cradled in Addison's arms.

"She needs a name; we can't just keep calling her 'the baby' forever," Addison chuckles, grins when she feels Derek press a kiss into her hair.

"You're right, she does need a name," Just as they're about to quietly start discussing names, their other children wake.

"Hey," Carson's legs easily slide to the floor as she stretches, pops her shoulders and back this way and that before padding over to Addison's hospital bed.

"She's cute, tiny but cute," Carson reaches out to gently stroke her younger sister's cheek.

"Y'know, she reminds me of you when you were born," Addison says, looking up at her older daughter.

"Really?" Derek nods, reaching out to give his girl's hand a squeeze.

"You weren't as tiny, but the way you're mother's looking at her, with all that love in her eyes, she looked at you like that too," Carson pulls down the railings and makes herself comfortable near her parents' feet.

"I just hope she's proud of me," It's a wordless request, the baby being passed down to Carson.

Derek and Addison watch with proud smiles at their girls share an intimate moment with one another. It takes Derek back to another bittersweet memory of Carson doing this before, with her other sister, Emily.

"Hey, dad?" Derek clears his throat and looks up at Carson.

"Yeah, honey?"

"Do you think…do you think Meredith would mind if we named the baby Caroline, after Emily?" Derek looks….touched by his daughter's words. He never really speaks of Emily, mostly because it's awkward, talking about a child with your former mistress turned post-it wife with your current wife and children. He tries to find words but, they get stuck in the back of his throat.

"I think that's a wonderful idea; I know how important she was to you, to both of you and I'd never want her to be forgotten," Addison surprises them both, though she smiles at the way Derek leans over, pressing their foreheads together murmuring a quiet 'thank you'.

"So does that mean Bailey's no longer an option for her?" Ryan has finally emerged from slumber, parking himself right next to Derek, who lazily wraps an arm around him as Addison reaches out to squeeze his hand.

"Hm. What about Bailey Caroline Shepherd?"

"I like it but, I feel like it's missing something," Carson murmurs, looking down at her little sister; she looks like a Bailey.

"What if we gave her two middle names? Y'know, like how mom and I have a million names," There's a light chuckle that fills the room.

"So you want her to be Forbes Montgomery Shepherd then?" Ryan asks.

"Nah, I think she should just be a Shepherd," Addison gives Derek a smile.

"So Bailey Caroline…what about Alexandra? That way she's got something of mom since me and Cason both have dad's first and middle initial in our names," Derek grins down at Ryan.

"So Bailey Caroline Alexandra Shepherd?" Carson looks down at her little sister who chooses the perfect time to let out a yawn, and not just any yawn; it's a yawn that she uses to stretch out her tiny little body before curling back into her sister's side and promptly falling asleep. Everyone else in the room chuckles as baby Bailey sighs contently.

"Bailey Caroline Alexandra Shepherd it is then,"

 _Epilogue Two to Follow…_

* * *

 **Whew! Took me long enough, right? I feel like this is a fitting ending for this chapter, don't you? And now…off to the final chapter! I really hope you guys like how we wrap things up!**

 **See you in chapter 18!**

 **Xx**


	18. Chapter 18 (Epilogue 2)

Manhattan, June 2021

"Carson, you look _amazing_ ," She glances back at her roommate Lauren and grins.

Today's the day she graduates from Med School and she couldn't be more excited. She's waited for this day since she was big enough to say med school. Most people say that when your parents are world class surgeons, you're bound to want to be a surgeon but Carson knows that deep down, this was something she'd want even if her parents weren't Derek Shepherd and Addison Montgomery.

"Thanks; I feel pretty amazing too," Carson finishes putting on her earring just as there's a knock on their apartment door.

"I'll get it; it's probably my little sister. My mom says she's been excited for over a week," She shakes her head and smiles as she carefully makes her way to the door.

Who she sees on the other side makes her heart stop.

Standing at her door is none other than Drew Foster, her high school sweetheart.

"Drew I…what are you doing here? And in New York of all places?" Carson hasn't seen Drew since she was in college. The last she'd heard Drew finished high school and moved to Boston and was engaged to Casey Olsen, his high school girlfriend.

"My best friend from college, Grady he's graduating from Columbia too. He uh, he lives just down the hall; he told me that you lived in this building too," Drew looks nervous, glancing down at his shoes every now and then.

"It's, it's good to see you, Drew,"

"Yeah, you too; I uh…how's your family? I know they're here," Carson chuckles.

"Yeah, they are; my parents are staying at the Four Seasons and the rest of my family, drove up from Connecticut and Boston,"

"How's your sister? She should be-"

"Eight, she turned eight last month," Drew chuckles.

"She should be going to third grade, right?"

"Fourth; she skipped first grade,"

"Right," An awkward silence falls between them and she just has to know,

"Drew, what are you doing here?"

"I told you, my old college buddy Grady-"

"No, no, no; I haven't seen you since I came home for Christmas a few years ago. You were engaged to Casey and-"

"We got married, divorced two years ago," Carson is floored.

"Wow, um, I'm sorry to hear that,"

"I'm not; she cheated," Carson's eyes widen.

"She-"

"Yeah; she left me for some guy named Shawn," Drew rolls his eyes dejectedly and she wants to reach out to him, wants to feel pity but…Drew's not hers anymore, he's part of her past. So she has to wonder,

"Why now?"

"Huh?"

"Why now? Why reach out to me, come by my apartment now? Like I said, I haven't seen you since I went off to college and-"

"You said, if things were meant to be, then they'd come back around full circle. What are the odds that I end up in New York for my friend's graduation and find out that not only does he know you, but he lives in the same building as you…three doors down and across the hall," Drew tentatively reaches out and grabs Carson's hand and squeezes.

"Drew-"

"I'm not asking for anything, other than a chance to see you after graduation; maybe we could grab a drink, talk, maybe catch up?"

"…Yeah, I'd, I'd like that,"

Seattle, Three Months Later

It's the moment she's been waiting for: the day she starts her internship at Seattle Grace Mercy-West Hospital. It was the only hospital she applied to. Of course, with her family's incredible reputation and contributions to medicine, she was a sure in. She stands outside taking everything in. It's been years since she set foot inside the hospital. The last time she was here, her "Grandpa Richard" was retiring, and she was just entering medical school. So much has changed since then. Grandpa Richard passed away peacefully a few weeks ago in New York with her parents by his side. She thinks of him and smiles softly, recalling a conversation they had a few weeks before he died…

New York: Several Weeks Ago

" _So, Carley, tell me, where do you plan on doing your residency?" Richard Webber asked with a smile._

 _Her parents have been in New York since graduation; Richard had come with them and taken sick; he had cancer, aggressive stage four and only a few weeks to live doctors said. Of course, her parents (and all the other doctors) were furious when they found out but, he'd been too weak to travel back to Seattle so her parents (and Mark) stayed by his side._

" _Seattle Grace Grandpa Richard,_ **where else would I do it** _?" the redhead chuckled lightly. Her parents have rented out a penthouse for their extended stay. Bailey has fallen in love with New York; when she isn't dragging Carson around the city as her personal tour guide, she's over in Boston with all of the other Shepherd children and grandchildren. Today, it's just Carson, her parents, Uncle Mark and Grandpa Richard in the apartment._

" _Mt. Sinai is just as good," her father replied from the kitchen; he's making lunch._

" _Derek, let her be; Seattle Grace is all she's known for most of her life," her mother replied. Addison could tell that Carson loved New York, but to her, Seattle was home._

" _But still, she's supposed to follow in the Montgomery-Shepherd-Sloan tradition: NYU, Bowdoin, or Yale for college, Columbia for Med School, Mt. Sinai for her internship and_ **then** _, she can become an attending at Seattle Grace, that's always been the plan," her uncle Mark said from a nearby stool in the kitchen._

" _Who said that was the plan?" Derek chuckled._

" _It's been an unspoken rule since, since forever," Mark shrugged._

" _Mark, when has Carson_ **ever** _followed the rules?" Addison smirked with a shake of her head._

" _I resent that!" Carson is in the living room with Richard but has to defend herself._

" _Addie has a point Mark; after all, she did go to_ **Stanford** _," Derek said with an eye roll. Derek was less than pleased at that decision._

" _I got a full ride to Stanford by the way!"_

" _At least she went Columbia for med school!" Mark shot back._

" **Only** _because we told her we wouldn't continue funding her education if she didn't," Addison reminded him._

" _Which was probably the greatest decision they could've ever forced me to make," Carson laughed._

" **See** _? Aren't you glad you listened to us for once?" her mother laughed._

" _Okay, you guys were right about Columbia. I definitely wouldn't have gotten the same experience if I'd stayed at Stanford,"_

" _You're gonna do just fine, wherever you choose to go," Richard said to her, squeezing her hand gently._

" _Thanks, grandpa Richard, you're the_ **only one** _with an unbiased opinion!" she said loud enough for her parents and godfather to hear._

oOoOo

Now, as she stands in front of a much different Seattle Grace Mercy West, she takes in a deep breath and prepares to head into the place that defined most her life and brought her family back together in one of the craziest, most unconventional ways ever.

"It's okay Car, you can do this," the young redhead said to herself, reaching inside her shirt to fiddle with her locket. On one side, there was a picture of her younger siblings, her brother Ryan and her now eight-year-old sister Bailey. On the other side was a picture of all of her friends in New York-Kara, Morgan, Claire, James, John, Justin, and Grady. It's the last picture they'd taken before some of them left New York to start their residencies. Surprisingly, Drew's in that picture as well (yes, they're totally a thing again). She stares at the picture of her little brother and sister and smiles.

"I hope you're proud of me Ry," she whispered softly, closing her eyes for a moment as she thought of her brother, who decided to travel abroad for his final two years of college. He surprised them all by taking a leave of absence from school to simply travel. He calls every now and then to ensure their mother that he's alive. The last call they got from him, he was in a country in the Middle East working with refugee groups.

She glanced up at the hospital and almost instantly, she's flooded with years of memories; from the time she hailed a cab to get here, to her parents divorce, to the hospital shooting, to her parents second marriage, to her near overdose, to the death of her sister Emily to the birth of her baby sister Bailey. She to took a deep breath, and headed inside; this was exactly where she wanted and needed to be.

"Yup, just as busy as I remember," Carson muttered as she looked around, taking in the familiar hospital smell that she'd grown so fond of during her childhood. The one thing she was glad about was that the hospital kept its name after they were bought out. Sure, it would've been the same building, but it would've felt funny to work at a place other than Seattle Grace Mercy West. She glanced around until she spotted a petite Black woman wearing a scowl along with a group of scared looking interns. This felt all too familiar; she quickly ran over to the group, hiding to the back as the woman began to talk.

"Alright everybody, let's get this over with; headcount: _Winston_?"A mousy looking girl raised her hand.

"Here,"

" _Salvadore_?" a tall looking Hispanic guy raised his hand as she continued.

"That's me,"

" _Montgomery-Shepherd_? _Dr._ **Carson** _Montgomery-Shepherd_?" Carson shyly raised her hand and identified herself as everyone turned to face her.

"That's, that's me," she said softly; and just like that, the whispers began.

She was perfect by all standards; she came from medical royalty, so it didn't come as a surprise to anyone when she decided to follow in her medically famous family's footsteps. It was even less of a surprise when she chose to do her residency at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. But it didn't stop people from talking when they heard the name Montgomery-Shepherd.

" _Do you_ **know** _who that is_?"

" _Yeah, that's that Montgomery-Shepherd girl_ ,"

" **I heard** _she's like medical royalty_ ,"

" _You know, her parents used to work here? Her dad is_ **Derek Shepherd** ; he used to be chief,"

" _Her Uncle is_ **Mark Sloan**!"

" _Her mother is my hero; she's like, the Meryl Streep of Maternal-Fetal Medicine_!"

"Alright, people; let's settle down with the chatter. Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, it is _truly_ a pleasure to meet you. I've had the privilege of working under both your parents, but I'm letting you know ahead of time, I don't show favoritism because of who you know or because of who your parents are. You wanna make the cut to be in Seattle Grace's surgical program, you will your pull your weight around here just like the rest of the interns, is that understood?" her resident reminded her.

"Yes ma'am," Carson nodded as the woman gave her one final look before continuing with her roll call.

"Alright good; _Westbrook_?" A rather confident Black woman with sleek hair raised her hand.

"Right here,"

"And _Jamieson_?"A young Black man with a deep voice raised his hand.

"Here,"

"Alright listen up; my name is Dr. Monica Barnes and I'm your resident. Your first shift starts now and ends in 48 hours, for those of you who don't know how long that is I'll tell you: two whole days. For the next two days, you will eat, sleep, and breathe Seattle Grace Mercy West. You will discharge, you will run labs, you will scut, you will sutcher, you will watch surgeries _not assist_. Unless you know some of the attendings like Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd here, then you will be observing surgeries like everyone else. While we're on the subject of attendings, let me give you my next rule. _Do_ **not** sleep with the attendings; it will only turn out bad for you. You will speak when spoken to and nothing less because you are interns, the bottom of the surgical food chain; is that understood?"

"Yes ma'am," the interns replied as Dr. Barnes nodded her head, slowly eyeing them.

"Alright, there's an incoming trauma coming into the ER let's move people! Winston, you're on labs, Salvadore, you're on scut. Westbrook, I'm putting you on discharge; Jamieson you're with Westbrook. Alright, Montgomery-Shepherd, I'm putting you on sutcher duty; let's see if the greatness that is the Montgomery-Shepherd-Sloan dynasty to rubbed off on you," Dr. Barnes said as she walked away to attend to another patient.

Carson was left standing in the middle of the busy ER, the eyes of the other interns watching her, secretly hoping she sucked. She was terribly nervous, but she shook it away. _You're a Montgomery-Shepherd; you can do this_ she told herself reassuringly before she proceeded in doing a record-breaking number of sutchers within a three-hour time frame.

oOoOo

" _How many sutchers have you done Montgomery-Shepherd_?" Dr. Barnes asked as she saw her perfectly sutchering a young boy's arm

"I lost count at like 40," Carson said absentmindedly as she perfectly stitched up a young boy's hand.

" **40**?" Dr. Barnes looked at Carson as though she'd grown a third head; 40 sutchers was damn near impossible, especially for a first-year intern.

"Yeah," Carson said, not bothering to look up.

" _You mean to tell me you've done over 40 sutchers…_ **in three hours** _?"_

"It's true she did; in fact, she did my sutchers," a woman being looked at by another resident said as Dr. Barnes walked closer to examine the woman's stitches.

" _She did this_?" Dr. Barnes asked in amazement.

"Yes," the woman replied with a smile as Dr. Barnes turned to Carson expectantly.

" _You did this_?"

"Yes, ma'am,"

"Where the hell did you? Never mind, one of the perks of having Mark Sloan as your godfather I guess," Dr. Barnes said with an eye roll.

" _Actually_ , I learned from my Aunt Amelia; she's a neurosurgeon like my dad,"

" _I know who she is_ ; I was in college when the paper was published about the gliosarcoma she and your father removed from a woman's skull. And don't be a wiseass; I'm not calling you Montgomery-Shepherd, it's too much to be saying and you don't need any of the other interns and residents giving you hell, so Montgomery or Shepherd, but not both,"

"Montgomery's fine," Carson said as Dr. Barnes smiled.

"Following in mommy's footsteps huh? Those are some pretty big shoes to fill," Dr. Barnes commented with a nod.

"I know, but luckily we both have the same great taste in shoes though huh?" Carson grinned.

"You're being a wise-ass again… _Dr. Montgomery_ ," Dr. Barnes said slightly smiling as she walked away

"Sorry," Carson called out as she went back to sutchering.

Three hours down, 45 more to go…

 _The End…_


End file.
